Hi JT2,

After effects of OW/OC and WH

I am OK. Trying to pull myself out of the dumps of OW finally got her way and split up husband and I. But did she win a prize. I don't think so. He is not with her, and if he does get with her I doubt that it will be happily ever after. He still wants his cake and to eat it too. He has been bringing his laundry over to my house, and I need to learn that small little word no. I am still struggling emotionally to let go of him even though I know he is not good for me. I did slip once after he left and let him pressure me into SF, but not anymore because it felt bad instead of good. I have had four nightmares since he left. The first two were about being lost in a very large building. The third dream was about me and my two sons drowning when our car went in a river. The fourth dream was about my husband dying. I think I am starting to come out of my depression. I can smile now. I had lost my smile for a while. I am getting better but it will take time. How are you handling yourself JT2? You sound so strong to have gone through so much. Thanks again for your concern.

((( Genia )))

YOU just walk in the sunshine sweetie!

Get yourself healed and strong again....

Stay away from men for a good long while.... you seem to pick out the bad boy type .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But, you're "getting it" .... yes, you are!

Love ya,

Pep

Hi Pep,

You are so on target. Thanks for your concern. It feels good to have people who care. I am in a support group of other battered women like me. It feels good to have others understand. Many of these women also have men who cheat. One woman there is leaveing her husband who is a serial cheater. We meet on Mondays and some of these women say they look forward to Monday's. I am thinking of getting a roommate for company because I get lonely.

Genia

(((((((((Gina))))))))))))))))))))) As pep said. I was wondering where you were too. I'm sorry your having these nightmares. I hope with time you'll be dreaming of being on the beach in the sunshine and smiling from ear to ear!!!!!! I've got to tell you this last year and few months is the longest I've gone without a man in my life and it's actually been nice to just live, heal and get it together. I've had offers and knew I needed to get myself together and maybe just maybe I'll take a date to my x-mas party at work. It's scary though I have to admit. Thinking about you!

When you take time to be alone without a man (as a love interest) you actually get acquainted with yourself. You discover what makes YOU tick. You search YOUR heart and soul and find inner peace ... as opposed to looking for a man who brings you peace (which, usually results in chaos).

Women have a tendency to bend themselves into shapes that please a man ... instead of becoming their "natural self" .... and then finding a man who loves and appreciates her "just the way you are" ... (Thanks to Bridget Jones)

Remember, Genia, you are valuable. You matter to the world. Just the way you are.

Pep

PEP, I like what you said.....(see we can see eye to eye on some things) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I agree with it too.

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for your insight. I just had a man talk to me at work tonight. He is looking for a nice girl. Thinks I am nice because I am quiet. But he wants a baby. He asked did I plan on haveing anymore children. I said no. He said can you? I said no. He said oh so you had your tubes tied. He said he did not understand why women did that and mess it up for a guy who wants a family. I said do you know what it is like to have a baby, how much it takes out of a woman. I said I made a decision not to have anymore baby's at 30. Run Genia, Run far from this Man. Wow, I started to say then you want a young woman who can have a family for you. He said something about being friends. Imagine that. Most men don't know how to be just friends. Besides he is way to sexy for that. I am steering clear of him. He wants a baby and needs to hook up with a young woman who can give him what he wants. Oh and he also said he wants a woman who don't flirt. Red Flags. Jealous Type. Run, Run. I am thinking of a female roommate.

Genia, I hear you. You know what though......your still finding yourself....and when the time is right you'll know. Don't rush it. Work on Genia right now. Being friends with a man is not all that bad as long as you keep it at that. You know with a bunch of other people around. I have a few men at work (single by the way) who are just friends. One would like to be more, but I know I can't be anything for a man right now as I am still working on me and my family. I don't have anything to offer him which is selfish of me, but it's just the way it is right now. Don't rush things. You know what as far as you not being able to have anymore babies, it's okay. There are men out there that understand that too. I forgot how old you are??? Hey who would of thought at 41 I'd get pregnant and have a baby <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That is really not heard of these days. Unless of course your planning it (sorry just went through my head about that lady at 57 who had twins). YOUR going to be OKAY girl!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Enjoy the men flirting with you, but don't rush into anything and just work on Genia right now. These men will be there when your ready. I'm thinking of you! Hugs to you.

Genia .... what a boorish man to ask you about your gynecological status!

Tell him (if he pesters you more) that you have intractable herpes. (means uncontrollable ~LOL~)

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

or....

tell him you only have babies with *VERY* wealthy men

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />


Pep

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:32 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Hi Deary,

How goes it? I am glad to hear from you. I am glad that you have discovered the quality of life without your H. It his certainly his loss, plus if OW does get him - ask yourself what actually does she have NOTHING!!!

He will do the same to her in time1 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am so proud of you, you have come a long way and no looking back okay!!!

Be all that you can be, and look deep inside yourself to find the woman that you want to be. Don't let a man define who you are! Love yourself first and GOD will do the rest. He did not mean for any of us to be alone. Keep the faith and keep in touch - don't disappear again on me okay?

Later,

JT

Hi JT,

It is so weird how you come to care about people you meet on the internet. JT, how are your kids? Mine are fine except for fighting and acting out and testing their boundaries. My counselor had given me 8 free weeks at the Crisis center. She gave me 8 more weeks free. I kinda don't come on much because I was really sorry I hurt Kimmy. It was like I stuck my foot in my mouth and there it was in black and white and nothing I can do to erase it. I never knew I could feel so hurt over saying the wrong thing to somebody I never met but who I love. JT when you did not answer right away, I was so scared I might have said the wrong thing.

Pep,

Don't worry I will not get close to this man.

If he asks again, I will say. Find you a young woman who will bear your children. He works with me so I could not give him the STD line.

NeedtoMoveOn,

I am 40 and I made the right decision at 30 to not have any more baby's. Maybe it is selfish of me but I don't want to stretch out my body, at my age it might not snap back.

Baba,

Do not worry I think you are right. He made fun of my decision to not bear anymore children. He is 38, wonder why he waited so long to want a family. Also I think he sounds like a jealous controlling type.

I know I am gonna be fine. I am growing. I was bound in Abusive relationships far too long and they stunted my growth. I will not allow myself to be in another abuseive relationship. I have a great counselor who is very good at steering me away from the boulders in life.

GENIA! I think about you often and do wonder how your situation is.

Seems to me the road to recovery of GENIA has BEGUN!! Doesnt feel or seem like it all the time, I bet, but just think --- in 6 months from now--- you could have been MORE sad, depressed and hurt than ever..... and NOW 6 months from now you can look forward to A DAILY SMILE... A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP... LIVING AGAIN!! I hope and pray for your strength as a woman TO SHINE THROUGH!!! The stength you have gained from your hard long jouney- this strengh WILL make you so much stronger!

That guy-- EEEEW that is just strange and weird-- you have enough information in your life to KNOW NOW who the heck to steer clear of!! LOL! I have a feeling when you least expect it a new friend, adventure, endeavor will come your way. Just build Genia's BRICK HOUSE day by day and then you will be solid again, and whole. Make those on-lookers say WOW LOOK AT GENIA!!!! I am so happy to hear you say you are smiling again. No more crap, please, you deserve a break today, lady!

I am so happy you are getting free counseling also. That is a blessing. It helps so much!!! I have a really good feeling about where you are ALLOWING your life to go now. You have the power, always did.

Also, as far as posting here. PLEASE don't tell me you have not been around because the situation w/Kimmy????? Genia- you need people here so PLEASE come here and post to us!! You are perhaps one of the kindest, low key, most gentle and sweet ladies I've seen here since I've come. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! You liked her so much that you looked to her for help -- and she was overwhelmed- not by YOU- but by everything in general. Please--- its done! She has lots and lots of friends and lots and lots of support here. You simply needed something from someone that could not give at the time-- no biggie- it happens!

There are so many here that care for you, silly !
Get your butt back here- we need your kind and gentle touch latley! ha ha!!!!

xoooxxxxooo Gio

<small>[ November 24, 2004, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Hi Gio,

That was so sweet. I am quite touched. I do know my man is out of my house but still trying to take advantage of me. I have made up my mind to get what belongs to me or I have enough on him to land him in jail. My Mom said, but he might hurt you. I am tired of him taking advantage of me. I don't think he will hurt me. I think he will stand back and say, oh she had a breaking point, there was a time when she could not take no more of my crap. But then again he could snap on me. I think I would rather be dead than to let him take advantage of me anymore. I have not been a great Christian, but I beleive in God, and I asked him to come in my life a few years ago. I just do not live like I should. I know I need God's power in my life. I just feel so far from God because of sin in my life.

Thanks for listening.

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:46 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Hi Baba,

Yes he has taken advantage of me over a period of three years and a half years. I do not know why I am so obsessed with him. Now that he left, he took my second car registered in my name, and promised to pay me by a certain time. I am afraid he has no intention of paying me the rest of the money. I offered to exchange goods instead of money. He said no way. Yet when he is expecting to get some money he owes it all to his family. I do not want to wait much longer to make an exchange for my car or take it back. I don't want to get ugly but I will if I have to by involving the cops. What hurts the most is that he took advantage of the outpouring of my love on him. I have been with other men I would not let get away with half the crap he gets away with because of my love for him. Why I love a man who has so many character defects I don't know. Another possibility is that I don't want to accept the fact that a man as flawed as him could reject me. That makes me feel like I am not worth as much as I thought I were.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Genia:
<strong>
NeedtoMoveOn,

I am 40 and I made the right decision at 30 to not have any more baby's. Maybe it is selfish of me but I don't want to stretch out my body, at my age it might not snap back.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Girl you have no idea. I've lost all my weight but 10 lbs. I basically fit in all my clothes, but my tummy just above my scar from the c-section is going to be the death of me to flaten. If I had ANY CLUE or suggestion that I'd ever get pregnant pregnant again after my twins, I'd have tied my tubes then. I know the reasons sound vein and selfish (although I'm so glad I have my daughter and would not trade her the flatest tummy in the world, or the nices boobs in the world)but I hear what your saying. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 07:04 PM: Message edited by: needtomoveon ]</small>

Hi NeedtoMoveOn,

Besides it is expensive to untie tubes. I would not do that for any man anymore. I would have done it for my husband but that is over and the time is ticking against me.

Update for everybody.

My husband is such a dog. He already has had SF with a new woman and not the OW. I talked to him on the phone and asked how he could care so little about me to do this so soon. I asked if he felt any remorse. He said no. I asked if he had any feelings for me, he said yes. I asked if he loved me. He said yes. I asked if he loved the woman he just did the deed with. He said no. Then I asked for a trade for my car, or my car back. He said I was just saying that because of what he did. Oh it hurts so bad. I am trying to contact OW to let her know how sorry he is, but she probably won't beleive me. If he refuses to give me my car back, I will call the police. I am gonna buy a surveilance camera to make sure he don't vandelize me.