well... after reading all of the postings on this site most of them aimed at ent, i am really impressed. there has been a dash of venting, with a little slinking thrown in. all we need is an eye of newt because all of the witches are standing around the cauldron stirring it. i will be the first to say that my wife will not be letting me off the hook for a very long time, and i laugh at those who call her a doormat. this womans father is a marine and his little girls all learned to shoot, and use a knife. i worry that i may someday make her mad enough to make me a lesser man. but even i have to realize that "i" was the one who had the problem with philandering and until i took hold of myself and sought help, i was never going to stop. second, my wife is a strange duck. she is willing to forgive ow and me for what we did. it doesn't mean she wants us to have a happy little family life with ow, it just means that for her to be able to move on, she has to put those things behind her. believe me when i say that in the 18 years i have known my wife, she has not ever been the forgiving type. i know that for both of us, this has been a life altering experience. I will say that I am not anywhere near forgiving ow for what happened and only ow, myself and god above know the whole truth about what happened that night. my wife just wants to know other women who have had this happen to them. and through positive experience and support for one another, maybe all of you can make it through this. apparently there are some who still can't move on and with some reason i might add. some of you have a phsyco ow, some of you have an h who just doesn't know if he wants to let go, and some of you just don't think you want to have any contact. that's fine for you if that is your choice but to sit there and tell others that they are sad and pathetic for making their decisions is utterly wrong. all of you need to support each other instead of trying to drive the dissenters into the ground. i know i am going to get the full brunt of those who have something to say. i welcome this and forgive you who have ears but cannot hear.

Oh, Hell no! You didn't try to compare your infidelity resulting in a child to the immaculate conception and birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ by adding "to a married woman" in your title! I am stunned to say the least.

Maybe your wife would receive a much better reception if she didn't troll back and forth between this board and TOW stirring the cauldron to mix the witches brew.

And since we're quoting the bible let me add this.

No one of illegitimate birth nor any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord, even down to the tenth generation. Dueteronomy 23:2

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 11:37 AM: Message edited by: Crynsomuch ]</small>

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:31 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

Read the story again. CAUSE SHE WASN"T MARRIED!!! When she conceived she wasn't M. That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard!! Oh now the is the christian way to look at its ok to commit one of the ten commandments. Give me a break. PLEASE!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

ent H,

I'm going to pass on the biblical references and address your message. I agree there ought to be comfort and support for any MW who comes to this board...EVEN if her choice is contact. I would like to see both sides of that issue fairly presented so those ladies trying to decide what's best for them can get good information.

But I think you're missing something. Your wife isn't well recieved NOT because she has healed and passes that message on to others...but because she judges those who have not, and she consistently shows a lack of empathy to others who haven't reached what she thinks is the right course, and she consistently defends other women without factoring in how different they are from hers. Many of these ladies are just not there...and are still in the most painful parts of this process...others are simply stuck. But shouting at them, judging them, and taking a pro-contact stance on this board...especially one that appears more supportive of OWs than BWs....isn't going to be very well received....plain and simple. If your wife wanted to get an anti-hate message accross, then she's truly going about it the wrong way.

Here's a sample:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">! Let's get back to that type of help and stop the judgemental crap!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can understand why she would want to discourage hate and judging...but you can't do that and then call people "sanctimonious" in the same breath and not have folks think you're a hypocrit.

In short, if your wife is misunderstood...she might get better results by examining her communication skills rather than sending her husband here. Seek first to understand...then...to be understood.

Your wife has come here and done nothing to support, or show any empathy for BW here. Her one and only concern is that the OW not be called a name. Or she sits and judges women for NOT wanting or having contact with the oc. The needs and wishes of ow/oc are not a concern to the marriage, the bw, or the children of the marriage.

We DO have BW who have contact and are supported fully. Respected and encouraged. We do have women who have gone no contact. And we all get along just fine. We all understand why people make CHOICES. We just support the hurting party.

We encourage open dialog between husband and wife and to come to a joint decision, whatever it may be. However, your wife pops a cork when a wife complains about some bizzare harrassing ow. She immediatley jumps to ow defense.

She show no empathy, no care, no respect whatsoever for BW who are here. She has no care or concern for the issuses of the children of the marriage, instead she is only concerned about the oc. She is not well received because of her attitude and her holier then thou attitude, which is 100% on the side of the ow.

Frankly, I don't believe this is Ent's husband, anyway. Call me crazy, but aren't you a cop? And why weren't you afraid of her marine father or the knives during all of the affairs you had?
Sounds fishy to me-- but Ent has been known to be two faced and thus the reason she is not received well-- maybe this is another face.

And if not, my sincere apologies for assuming wrong, and let me ask a question.

If Ent had an OC, would you pleasantly receive the child as as God's child and automatically accept the child and the other man? Would you be okay w/the man she cheated with, being a permanent part of your life? Would you go to the rest of the guys on your police force and proudly hold up another man's child-- or put his pictures on your locker? Just curious.

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: Entwife's H ]</small>

yours? I thought you were ent's HUSBAND?

Here's a sample:


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
! Let's get back to that type of help and stop the judgemental crap!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Dang it....H was still logged in. So...try this one again.

Starfish,

That quote above was gio's not mine.

ent

Bye the way gio.....

I had a son from a previous relationship when H and I met. He has raised that son as his own.

quote "Read the story again. CAUSE SHE WASN"T MARRIED!!! When she conceived she wasn't M. That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard!! Oh now the is the christian way to look at its ok to commit one of the ten commandments. Give me a break. PLEASE!" end quote

Sunny D,

I don't think my h meant anything by his title. I am assuming he meant the married woman part to me. Like...addressing it to me.

ent

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: entwifejmr ]</small>

If that was gio's....I'm sorry...there's certainly enough others to use instead...so just substitue this one okay?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Never said I loved my OW...OC yes...OW...tends to get on my nerves just like the sanctimonious BS's here. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Okay. Calling you on that one, Ent. Step children that a person knew about to begin with...that ready-made family that your dh CHOSE to marry into is totally different and you know it.

That's like trying to compare apples to oranges...very sweet, but very different. The logic is flawed.

ent,

I'm not being "fresh" here. I do understand your desire to stop bashing....but you can't bash and stop bashing....know what I mean?

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

My son could be called a step...but not really. This is one thing I would prefer not to go into. But I see your point.

I read Justuss post and I agree whole-heartedly.

ent

ent,
I'm glad you agree with Justuss,
and I'm asking you whether you think you can stop what you hate,
by becoming what you hate?
Can you enlighten people about judging,
when you judge?
Do you not see this?

It's one of those title thingys. I understand. I should be a step kid, but my dad adopted us. My bio dad had passed and my mom remarried...so I totally understand that your son is your dh's.

It's just that it's (our being bs') a different situation...I'm sure you feel that oc isn't your step anything...anymore than I feel that mine are.

(((hugs ent)))

Thanks Nio's girl,

Nope..OC is MINE. She is my daughter just like the other girl living in my house. The teenager who has started rolling her eyes everytime I say or do anything.....

Now I have to do it again in about 13 years!! LOL

ent

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The teenager who has started rolling her eyes everytime I say or do anything.....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell me about it. My oldest will be 15 in one week. I can hear him roll his eyes he rolls them so far back! At least God made him cute....he'd have been chum by now.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I wish I could tell you it stops after a couple of years...but my son is 20 and he STILL does it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

But he is nice when he needs money. LOL

ent