I am at my wits end here ladies! I am so freaking nervous and anxious about this...

First things first-- can ANYONE out there (like Michele Hall) tell me what your experience has been having grown children and then having a new baby at age 32-33-34 or even older-- like however did you start again-- and was it BETTER being younger-- or do you enjoy being a mother more now? I had my son at 18 and it was very hard -- so my case in point made me NOT want to ever go thru the baby thing again. I know I am more mature and less selfish now- but very, very much spoiled. I just started being able to go w/my H or friends and not worry about the kids at home alone! Liberating!

Backgroud is... I already had one son when we married, who is now 14, and H's children are 10 and 11. We have full custody of my stepson, and partial of my stepdaughter (same mother). We AGREED before we married that we were very happy and full with our new blended family.

Well,RIGHT after we married he started putting MAJOR pressure on me - he wanted to have a baby with "his wife" - he wanted to have a "real" family together..... The "real" family thing is just wacky-- being that our blended family is close as can be- and we are exeptionally close blended family (even the kids with each other- go figure)! I even got the girl I always wanted thru my stepdaughter.. I feel full... I feel so lucky already with regard to the kids (and all the extra kids at my house constantly)... !!!!

But he will not, EVER leave me alone about it. He is relentless. He has tried to sabotage my birth control in any way he can-- he has proimsed on passion filled nights to -- (umm er.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> pull out).. etc.

---oh yeah... and NOW he has an OC to pay for-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He makes me feel bad - he is obsessive about this-- and is always saying it hurts him that I refuse to have "his baby"... oh yipee what a novelty.. and THEN I tell him-- if he *decides* again that he will screw someone else-- YOUR BABY is going with YOU!! And I will be the weekend mommy!!

Even BEFORE our separation and A/OC, etc... I was dead set on being free of babies forever... But H is so sincerely hurt and wants to have a baby with his wife so bad- he wants to raise a child in a 2 parent loving home (since his children were also conceived by he and his ex while teenagers).. He is missing a whole life experience he says... UGH..

Any advice? Am I missing something joyful -- am I wrong to be a wife who does not want to share this experience (per say) with her H??????

I WANT MY MOMMY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Giovanna, no advice ... just sending a lot of {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}} for you!

G-GOOD LUCK DARLIN' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I really cant give you any advise. I'm "almost 40" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> "I know" But tied my tubes at 35 cause I didn't want to do the baby thing at 40 . Tell me God doesn't have a since of humor! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I really dont mind the step mommy thing. I do get a break! We still have OUR time! Plus we travel alot, so its just hard w/ a baby. That makes me wonder how many other people that have NC /or C had children after the OC?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

ugh!!!!!!!!1 I'm right there w/ ya on that! IF it weren't for ME-H would have me barefoot & pg FOREVER! Can you beleive that?
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WEll, we had our first @ 19-----he & #2 are 7.5 years apart.......so I can relate a bit to freedom. No I couldn't leave him alone yet, but it was so easy to jsut UP & GO whenever we wanted, not to mention EVERYONE will babysit for ONE...a little harder to find a sitter for more than that. LOL

But anyway------------it was a HUGE adjustment for me! Suddenly it took me 30 minutes just to get IN the car!

Babies are a wonderful gift from God BUT let me remind you of a few more things.........

THe first year---just for starters............. I could not put them down for MORE than 20 min. @ a time w/ out hours of wailing (I know not every baby is like this....but some are & mine was VERy high needs)........they poop CONSTANTLY & if htey are not pooping----------they are vomitting!

You do not get to leave the house w/o some sort of permament stain on your rt. shoulder. And the constant fragrance of eue de vomit! IF they do fall asleep......you are so drained you do too OR you are so dazed you just stare @ their beautiful sleeping, tiny bodies.

Oh & don't get me strated on what YOUR body does! YOur boobs get pornographic, they leak @ the most inopportune times, & if you even THINK about sex-----baby awakes & you start leaking all @ once! LOL

You remember WHY you were supposed to be doing yoru kegels & how much of a necessity it NOW is.

You remember WHY it was you didn't want more.
YOu no longer have a purse but a goofy, unstylish, winnie the pooh diaper bag! (I hate winnie the pooh). IN an attempt to make outings smoother (I mean just getting out the door) you forgo EVERYTHING about yourself, make-up, clothes w/o spit up, ect.

Your showers turn into 5 minute spurts. Did you know you can fantasize an ENTIRE other LIFE in only 5 minutes? LOL

Then they have doctor visits, you know they give up to 6 shots @ a time now? Then you gotta deal w/ that AFTER you've already spent how many hours in the waiting room w/ a hungry infant?

And ALL of this is just for starters!
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When you see that first real smile or that moment when they finally fall asleep.........YES it IS all worth it..........but you have to remind yourself of it becuase those moments, as any mother knows, are few & far in between. LOL

I will most likely have more in the WAY future but I am jsut getting ataste of a bit of ME again so..........I just wanted to relate to you some of the things that you have probably forgotten.
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So it took me quite awhile to REadjsut to all of that again. I got major PPD too-different age, different hormones.

You get used to it after awhile BUT someone shoudl have reminded me so I could be prepared! LOL

As if!

But I DO look like a mom who's finally got it all together......it only takes about 2.5 years! LOL


love ya' gio! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


xoxoxoxoxxoxoxo
kt

Gio, well I'll tell you that I'm enjoying motherhood far more now than I did with my boys. I was 15 and 19 when I had both of them so I was just a kid myself. Now at age 31 with a baby, I have TONS more patience and understanding and it's totally different. I won't lie though, I miss the freedom thing. My boys are at the age where they can be left alone and H and I were able to get out and do things as adults (which ultimately led to the latest A because we were constantly with XOW and her H doing things as adults). H, myself and boys were able to just jump into the car at the drop of a dime and go do whatever and it's not like that now since we have the baby but I definitely wouldn't trade her for the world. And to be honest with you, I probably wouldn't have had any more kids for the simple fact that the boys were almost grown and we were almost home free but since the little oops happened we've accepted it as a calling and I really think that she's one reason why we're able to fight through all the BS and try to hold our family together. She's definitely a blessing to us. I don't blame you one bit for being hesitant though. It is alot of work!! Hope this helps you a little! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

my kids are eight years apart, oc same as my younger one. I find it very hard indeed. I dont get any time alone, and when H decides he wants to go out and have a drink I'm too tired to go. People dont like babysitting young ones and for obvious reasons....stinky diapers, temper tantrums, you must not take your eyes off them, walk slow or is not walking yet, and more than likely they are use to their freedom. Should I go on. Just to think that in five years H wants to do it again which then I will be thirtyfive. Yeah right! I guess it's easier for H to say I do all the work...lol.

Honestly children are wonderful but it is harder when all the other children are so much older. That something you just have to search your heart for. I believe I'm done, and really don't think that I would want to start over when my youngest would be six.

GIO

NO real adive because I am a young one. I am only 26, but MY H wants more and so do I, I had my first at 20, he had his first at 18 we are 6.5-7years apart. So my son is 5 he will be 6 in Sept. so i see now is finally a o.k. time for me, i have been wanting one and we waited.

KT, it took me alomist 5 years to get my pre-preganancy body back and now Im thinking about blowing it all over again (thats what youcall crazy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

Good Luck, what does your heat and gut say GIO??

I had my first child when I was 15.
My last one at 36. with 4 children in between.
My 1st 2 children were alot of fun but were kinda scary. I depended on my parents alot for help. with the last round it was alot easier and alot more "fun". I was more relaxed. new what I was doing, didnt really need the help.
My baby will be 7 next month. If iI could have another one I would do it in a heartbeat. (had a hesterectomy a yr ago).

Wow. Another baby. I guess that is a personal choice.

Kt

You would scare anyone away from having another child with that talk! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have 5 kids, they are 13 - 12 - 8 - 6 - 3

H was just mentioning having anothe one yesterday. I think not.


Best of luck anyway you choose.

I was 34 when I had my last one. It was nice this time because the older ones helped alot. A friend's sister was pregnant at the same time and her daughter and mine are friends...She was 50 when she had her daughter. Her husband almost 60. Both girls are now 8yrs old.

I'm older than dirt, and have a baby, and lots of years between kids too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Email me anytime you'd like, and I'll give you some scoopage.

aut_day@yahoo.com

~ad

I think one of the ONLY reasons I consider this at ALL at this point.. is kinda the same reason as H-- I chose to stay single and was not ready to get married yet (to my son's father so I was basically )cause I was too wild ! I now do find myself feeling a little something missing in that I kinda may regret not having the true experience of having a baby with your husband.. its hard being a single parent and thats what I reflect on, mostly! It SHOULD be MUCH easier with 2 of us I'm sure.. and my H KNOWS I will be VERY STRICT regarding the 50/50 thing-- just like the housework, etc. that he splits with me.

Plus I also feel like I am going thru some kind of fear thing... like my son is 14 and "oh woa is me he is gona leave me "soon" (and he is my freaking breath that I breath).. and "what if I divorce H" ... BAM MY BIG FAMILY will be gone -- just like that. I know-- thats just being a nerd but it still could happen in a few years, ya know!

I also was a gymnist for years and that gave way to back problems that have started in the past couple of years-- I just cant imagine having it worsened by pregnancy (OUCHIE)

THANKS KT for reminding me how much i HATE BABIES.. hahahah I swear I just wish I could skip the widdle tiny baby stage cept for the cuddling part, lol.... and I'd be all for it.. OH YEAH AND THE HOMEWORK battling part........ ha!

Can you believe these women who have babies at 40.. 45... 50????????

Give it up Autumn-- how old are you- you are ONLY allowed to lie by one year... lol!!!!

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

...and whoaaah kt...

Ever think about being a Sex Ed. teacher? You'd be really good at it! Your description of life with a baby would surely be enough to combat the glamorization of pre-marital pregnancy. Man, the kids in your class would be scared straight!! No life, AND Winnie the Pooh instead of Prada???? E-gads!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Winnie the Pooh-- YUCK-- see its these things that makes me think I am an anti-baby-person! I slither away from my beloved nephews' dirty diapers and I am usually unavailable to babysit them when asked.... BAD AUNTIE.. but did that stuff for years for everyone.... and now I am too diva-fied and fussy maybe????? I dont WANNA be frumpy feeling and out of touch with life (and thats my feeling about babies).

I also LOVE hanging out with my kids and their friends- they are so fun and I relate to them so well-- I could not wait for teenagers! I know, I'm sick! hahahaa

Actually, I probably WILL DECIDE TO HAVE A BABY AND THEN... i will NEVER get pregnant,anyway, because I just got off of Depo Provera shot after 10 PLUS years and I've read zillions of stories about people being sterile after that. I have been off of it for 1 year and I am still suffering strange reprocussins from it.. who knows.

Oh its so funny how teenage girls (and my H) think this baby stuff is a big joy and love fest all the time-- ha! I read in an OLD diary from when I was 16 and dating my son's father -- about how "oh I would love to have a baby with him.. oh I am so in love.. bla bla" I actually DID NOT-- HECK NO plan to get pregnant as we used condoms FAITHFULLY but gee I got my silly teenage fantasy wish anyway!

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

I never post on this particular board because it doesn't apply to me, but I hope you don't mind if I share my experience with this.

My #2 & #3 are 8 years apart. I was only 22 when I had #2, and I recently had #3 at 30. I know that's not real far apart but it's way different than the 3 year difference between #1 and #2.

To be honest, I am LOVING it! I am so much more confident in my own parenting decisions, and I am really loving the cute cuddly good-smelling (most of the time, lol) baby stage.

My older girls love helping with the baby. They argue over whose turn it is to hold her, and #2 loves to change diapers (just not the poopy ones!).

I was on Depo for a year, around 2000. I had horrible effects after I went off of it (really bad pms, weight gain). This kiddo was a complete surprise (btw, "pulling out" does NOT always work! lol). I had decided I didn't want to do it again, didn't want to start all over with another one. I guess someone had other plans for me!

HOWEVER, if you really really don't want another child, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Just be careful. And don't trust the pulling out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

kt: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Then they have doctor visits, you know they give up to 6 shots @ a time now? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sorry if this is jacking, but...

Not my baby! I've been doing a lot of research on vaccines, and I've decided not to do any vaccines until age 2 or 3, and then only one at a time. I can't get over how much they try to give babies at once! And let's not get started on the crap they add to the vaccines (mercury, formaldehyde, etc.)!

Oh yeah, almost forgot...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> if you even THINK about sex </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AS IF!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Giovanna,

I'm sure I'm the last person you really care about hearing a response from, but I have to tell you that having my baby has been the best thing ever.

I, too, had my first child at the age of 18 and I was planning on 36 meaning FREEDOM!!! Time for ME to do what I want, you know? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


I will say that having another child in my life didn't take anything away from me, but has instead added more than I ever dreamed possible.

I feel so blessed to be able to experience motherhood twice in my life. The "baby stage" between the two are so many years apart (over a decade!), I feel like I'm doing it again for the very first time.

I feel like I'm really able to enjoy it this time. If you were anything like me, you were working your butt off to support your child. This time, I'm in a better financial position and I'm able to spend so much time with both of my children. I can enjoy the laughter, the fun, the games, the jibber-jabber talk, long bubble baths, a soft sweet perfect little hand on my cheek, slobbery kisses, a pout when I say "No" and the beautiful gaze from those innocent, sweet eyes as I rock him to sleep. He's perfect and there's no other way to put it.

There's no chaos. Call me crazy but I love diapers. I love bottles. I love waking in the night to comfort him. I love his fits. I love teaching him. I love him and nothing about having him is a "chore" nor a "hassle". There's not one day that I wish I would have done things differently. Instead, I wonder how I could be so lucky to be able to experience motherhood again. If you told me three years ago I would be writing this, I would have said you're crazy! I was in no way interested in the whole "baby" thing. Like I said, I was ready to get on with MY life. Then baby comes along, and nothing else matters, my priorities change, and I feel like I'm really living now. This is what life is about. I had almost forgotton.

I just cherish every single day, I really do.

If you and H do decide to have another child, I think you will be amazed at how rich your life will become.

I will say this, pregnancy is a lot harder when you're older though! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />


oh! I can't stand Winnie the Pooh either. I just traded all the Winnie stuff back for other items. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

P.S. I'm amazed that no one here ever considered that my name "CheerfulLittleOne" is really in honor of my child. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 09:21 PM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]</small>

luvbird wrote:Sorry if this is jacking, but...
Not my baby! I've been doing a lot of research on vaccines, and I've decided not to do any vaccines until age 2 or 3, and then only one at a time. I can't get over how much they try to give babies at once! And let's not get started on the crap they add to the vaccines (mercury, formaldehyde, etc.)!

I did the same research.....LOL

I agonized over it. But after much research, prayer & consideration.....we only get what is legally required (which I know that you can waive them & they are not legally required for school as they like to tell you...as long as you sign a waiver) but required as opposed to 'recommended'.

After baby # 2 got a severly swollen leg due to his shots.........I just made sure they happen to be 'late' from then on & it really made a big difference. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I agree....the older the better.

I could go on & on & on...but I completely understand.

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My main point WAS......how much of an adjustment it was between having a self-sufficient aged child to BAM 2 under 2!!!!!! WHEW!

The older one was/is EXTREMELY helpful. HE is my right hand man..........& since he IS here ALL day...

I do favor having them farther rather than closer apart.

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I hope I didn't give anyone the wrong idea that I don't enjoy my ktbunch <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> --just trying to remind some reality checks about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Come on, I homeschool.......I am w/ my kids literally 24/7........except for those rare occasions when I lock the bathroom door. LOL

I want more......just not right now.
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Sex ed teacher? .....now that's an idea! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Oldest is turning 12 this month! LOL


xxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox
kt
{who has now thoroughly convinced herself that she IS supermom!} L-O-L!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do favor having them farther rather than closer apart. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From my experience so far, I totally agree!

My oldest will be 12 in August. I can't believe she's that close to being a teenager already. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Luckily, she has yet to show the slightest bit of interest in boys--they're still "yucky". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, I gotta stop threadjacking! Need somebody to pop my hand when I start to do it or something!

<small>[ January 13, 2005, 11:54 PM: Message edited by: luvbird ]</small>

Luvbird-- come on "down" anytime! You are not threadjacking honey!

I wanted to ask you about this, though!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was on Depo for a year, around 2000. I had horrible effects after I went off of it (really bad pms, weight gain). This kiddo was a complete surprise (btw, "pulling out" does NOT always work! lol). I had decided I didn't want to do it again, didn't want to start all over with another one. I guess someone had other plans for me!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been having these problems too. Its been terrible. Depois poison. I ONLY have been lacking on the birth control because I think I am in the mind set of being sterile after 10 years of this poison!!!!! The PULL OUT thing-- oh believe me I don't count on that- but I'm sure it could HELP a teeny bit. I got preg. w/my son on 5 seconds of no condom. One time ONLY without a condom, and for 5 seconds! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I NEVER was without caution but like I said- I have let up a bit.

Thanks for all the great stories, ladies!!!!

If having a baby brings 1/100th of the joy that our little baby dog has to us... (we could never have a dog but this guy is the only dog that is ok for my allergies)...WOW me and H are like nutty saps and this little guy is our pride and joy and we treat him like our baby since he's a mini !!! ha!!!!!

CLO--- I have NO problem hearing from or replying to ANYONE, regardless of titles, who has something to add that has no hidden or openly icky stuff, thats as deep as it gets for me, personally! I knew the "CLO" meant your baby! Unless of course you are like a size 1 or something then you could def call ourself CLO! LOL

Thanks Giovanna,
I've been pegged "Bitter Little One" and "Not So Cheerful Little Troll", etc. and I wasn't quite sure that anyone really "got" my name here. I do understand why people think I'm just an evil STOW to pour salt in wounds since the only time I seem to post is when it's an opposing view (and I have a bad habbit of being frank about things too). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Regardless, I appreciate your response and I do hope things go well for you, which ever path you choose to take.