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#842008 03/05/05 12:51 PM
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I have a question for you. What is the best way to make them go away from a legal standpoint without losing my CS? I need the contact to stop. I need to be left alone with my kids without the drama.

I know I am on the other side of things but you and I have always had some sort of understanding. Contact is damaging, especially when it has nothing to do with the OC, (as in visitation).

I am so done with this, but I don't know how to make him stop insinuating himself into my life. Each time I start to rebuild, I get derailed by contact. I get that he hates me, etc. but there has to be a time when this ends. Is giving up CS the only way?

#842009 03/06/05 11:26 AM
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Twilight,

I would imagine that as long as you're living in xMM's house, you can't make them go away. Why don't you just clean the house, allow the realtor in to show it, allow it to be sold and move on. I would think that if you were cooperative, you wouldn't have to deal with the drama. Why would you want to keep living in xMM's condo anyway? If you want to be out of his life, then move out, quit watching him on TV, and quit posting messages to him on other boards. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


"I am so done with this, but I don't know how to make him stop insinuating himself into my life."

I think Karma is coming back around for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

#842010 03/06/05 12:47 PM
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twilight,

I think this might be determined by what kind of contact and the purpose for the contact.

Is he the one contacting you or his attorney?

If I remember correctly, he wanted no visitation,, so is the contact regarding child support, the house or what's his reason?

#842011 03/07/05 01:22 AM
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no, not the child, he doesn't want visitation. He is doing the contact, through a couple of different people, none of whom are his lawyer. Trying to muddle through what it is he wants is more complicated than anything. He is selling the condo, which is fine...but he is making it really confusing. Wants to work out some sort of deal which he doesn't want to tell me all of...I just don't get it. Sell the place, send CS through legal channels and stop being so damned weird about it all.

I tried to buy the place off him, didn't work out. Even once it sells I can stay here because I have a lease so just sell it already. I don't much care who I pay rent to..at least a new owner can be reached for repairs and such. There are plenty of investors out there looking for property it shouldn't be too hard to sell it. His estate agent is trying to strong arm me out of my lease and frankly I don't know why xMM would care if we stay here or not. It wont change anything for him. just a lot of complication for nothing.

As for CS, I'm going to let my atty take care of setting it up through the government. Don't know if that's how it works in the US but here, the payor never pays the payee directly...it is done through the government. Makes it a lot simpler. XMM wants to work out some sort of deal but at this point, I'd rather just let the courts figure it out. His "deals" make my head hurt.

Cheerful....yup...shouldn't have posted that message...was not in a good place. He had called my best friend and said mean and horrible things to her. Just felt really beaten down...now I'm just fed up. Called the agent to try and schedule a visit...now she doesn't have time to come here but I'm the one being difficult...yeah whatever. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> As for why I would want to live here....it's home...apart from one time when I went into labour, he has never been inside the place. I picked it out, I dealt with the agent, I signed at the closing for him and his wife. It was always agreed that I could purchase it as soon as I was able. He renegged...big surprise. If I have to move then I will, I have accepted that now. It was a shock in the beginning but I am over the emotional ties to this place...you can make a home anywhere right?

#842012 03/06/05 09:29 PM
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I am surmising that you are living in a home that he owns?

If that were me, I would find another place to live and move out. Child support is a given, he knows it and you know it. So that isn't even worth anyone trying to end.

Is there anyway you can find another place to live? By moving out of his property, it leaves a clean slate for child support. I would imagine that as long as you are living on his property, he has quite a bit of leverage and control. I would move out and let child support stand alone.

As far as him contacting friends, and all, I think as soon as all the legalities are taken care of that will stop. So the quicker you get out of his place, he sells, he pays cs, it will be over. The legalities have to all be ironed out and signed.

I swear, the best investment for your peace of mind, and your future is to get a good laywer. In the long run, it will be worth it. But for now, I would move out. He will have nothing to gripe about it you are not on his property. As for the lease, if they want you out and you can't be held liable for breaking it, why not just do it? Life is to short to live stressed out and battling all the time. For all of you, this battle has gone on to long. Go and live your life and move on from this mess. Trust me, in 5 years you will look back and say "what the hell took me so long....."

#842013 03/06/05 10:29 PM
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I guess what I'm worried about is the time between when I move out and when he sells. The existing court order states that my CS is living there. Does that mean he wont have to pay me until he sells?

I finally had my case transferred to where I live and have my much trusted attorney working on it now. It is going to take a couple of months to have it all switched over and recognised here but once that's done, hopefully it will be over.

As for finding another place..I've looked around, they are there...I just need a few more months of employment to pull it off. I lost my job last summer and finally started working again in February. I had been doing contract work in the meantime but my finances suffered. I should be back on my feet soon. If all goes as planned by the end of this year I wont need his CS anymore..and then the stress will be over. I will also then be allowed to petition the court to terminate his rights. I have to wait until he hasn't seen her in 2 years before they will even consider it.

One more year...in the grand scheme of things, it isn't so bad.

Meanwhile, his realtor still hasn't called to make an appointment to see the place. Here's hoping she doesn't screw up my work schedule too bad this week. I need to make money.

#842014 03/06/05 10:48 PM
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This is where the laywers are needed. Since his child support is the rent, and now they are selling the condo, you are going to have to rely on your attorney to handle the details.

I think that once you are out, your life is going to be amazingly smooth and peacefull.

For now, I guess I would keep looking for a place and ignore whatever it is he is doing. Don't let him get to you. Each and everytime you let this get to you, he is controlling your day. Why let him? Life is to short.

I would let the agent in, and I would be doing my best to help sell the place. This will help end this drama quickly.

Good lord, where I live the agents bend over backward to get a place listed and go out of there way to get that place shown and sold. Must be different in Canada! The agents in this area work literally round the clock! When we sold my mothers place, the agent came at 10:00 at night. My mom was out, we had a game, and that was the only time we could get there. No problem.

I think you are seeing light at the end of your tunnel. I also think that you and your family will be much better off in YOUR place. It will end all the drama and games.

Trust your laywer to do what is best for you and go and live your life!!!

#842015 03/06/05 11:01 PM
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yes well his agent is slightly psycho. Granted the first time she called me it threw me for a loop and I reacted rather emotionally...but that said, I would imagine that is understandable. I know agents around here, do business with them regularly...they are just as aggresive. This woman is just off. I know that isn't xmm's fault or anything...heck my old atty was a psycho...but I fired him.

Of course xMM doesn't believe that this woman has continuously threatened me, even though I have her on tape. Isn't it funny how he believes everyone is lying to him, like he is the pillar of honesty. I suppose when you know how much you are capable of lying, you assume everyone else is too.

I am following the letter of the law as to access to the property. She can come in anytime. At first I was less than cooperative but I have told her it is ok and tried to bend my schedule for her...why she isn't coming now is beyond me. Maybe I should just give her a key...then nobody can say anything. The market is hot right now, this place should sell in days.

Thanks Lynn....I appreciate the advice. I know you're right...I'm just a bit scared of yet more change.

#842016 03/06/05 11:18 PM
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Twilgight is your condo in MLS yet? IF so they should be putting an electronc key holder on your door to avoid you having to be there. You can also ask for the house to be shown while your at work so it won't disrupt your children's life, but then again if someone can only see it at night then it would be best to cooporate. I agree with LynnG all the way (everyone hold there panties on) just get it over with and let the drama stop! Let the madness stop! There are so many property management places out there that are Real Estate run and some can work with you on deposits etc. It's easier than apartment buildings. We work with our tenants all the time. It's expensive to move. Canada is not much different than the US. I know quite a few Realtors out there through differnt siminars etc. I'd say it's pretty simple really. This way too you'll be getting CS and not just a place to live that can be at anytime be taken away from you.

#842017 03/06/05 11:33 PM
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NTMO.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Isn't it nice to agree sometimes!!

I think that if this agent is acting like that, you should call owner of the agency she represents and discuss this with them. Maybe they can switch agents. If she is the owner, call the local board who oversees all the agents and discuss it with them. You may not be the owner, but geesh, this is your home. You do not take being threatened lightly. What a wack job.

Our agents are sickenly sweet and accomodating. Almost to smooth.

#842018 03/06/05 11:56 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LynnG:
<strong> NTMO.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Isn't it nice to agree sometimes!!

I think that if this agent is acting like that, you should call owner of the agency she represents and discuss this with them. Maybe they can switch agents. If she is the owner, call the local board who oversees all the agents and discuss it with them. You may not be the owner, but geesh, this is your home. You do not take being threatened lightly. What a wack job.

Our agents are sickenly sweet and accomodating. Almost to smooth. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Uh yeah.......almost too smooth is the word. There is too much compatition out there......anywhere right now with the market.

#842019 03/07/05 07:29 AM
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Lynn...right there with ya. I've called her boss twice. Aparantly she's done this before. I told her boss if I had to make another call it would be to the cops, not her. I was also shocked, this agency has a great reputation.

Mary it is expensive to move. Maybe if they want me out of my lease so bad, they would be willing to compensate me for it. The law as far as the lease goes is 6 months notice, then they have to pay me 3 mths rent plus moving expenses. That would be for the new owner to do though, not xMM. Perhaps this is part of the "deal" he wanted to discuss with me...but only after I ripped up the lease <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Not worth it....just wish my commissions had kicked in already!

#842020 03/07/05 11:10 AM
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Why the heck would you rip up the lease? Okay tape it back together. If that is in your lease who ever buys the condo HAS TO GO WITH THAT! We've sold enough rentals to know this. It's a contract that can not be broken unless a new contract between you two is written up to overrife it like an admendment or addemun. The realtor I'm sure has a copy of your lease. I can't believe it's so diffilcult. Maybe you should talk to xmm lawyers or friend. If he is willing to pay for you to move and follow through with the lease in order to sell it faster or whatever, do it! Either way you've got you butt covered with the lease. The laws are not that differnt in the US than in Canada for Real Estate. To many cover over here and I've talked to a lot. We've got some of our biggest companies out there as well. I would say at this point you need to have contact with him so everyone is on the same page. If your contract says he has to pay your moving expenses, then either the new owner will or xmm will. End of story. Take it, find a place and get set up. Figure in all your expenses, moving turn on's for electric etc., and get start looking for a a comparable place to live. Then xmm has to pay cs directly and you don't have to worry about it anymore.


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