I am absolutely heartbroken tonight. I don't know how to go on. My h has been living with his brother and wife. This was to get him away from the ow. Well, he packed up his stuff tonight and left. My sister-in-law just called me to tell me. She feels horrible. I feel sick to my stomach. We are pretty sure he is going to go be with the ow. He packed up his computer and everything. I sort of caught him last night with something. He sent me an e-mail Valentine. Well, I went to reply to send him one and for some reason it took me to his address book for that website. Well, the ow's e-mail address was in there. I confronted him about it. He told me he sent her a card too. I got angry. Of course we were chatting on pow wow, so we were just typing back and forth. But, I guess he told his brother that the conversation didn't go well. He is also supposed to go to his first counseling session on Wednesday. He was dreading it. The ow probably talked him out of it. She doesn't want him to get help because if he does, then he might not need her so much. So, I am sure he is on his way to move in with her right now. He didn't even have the decency to talk to me about it. He just could never admit that he wanted to leave me. Now, I am left here with two lovely little boys and I am heartbroken. I saw it coming I guess. I suppose it was too much for him. I know it was. But he has always been the one saying he wants to work it out. So, I guess he has made his decision. Of course there is this stupid little part of me that wishes to God he would show up on my doorstep but I have to be realistic! Now, I have homework to do with the boys, they need baths and I have laundry to do. I have too much to face tonight and now I have this to deal with too. How awful! I want this nightmare to be over. I want my husband back! I just hate this. I guess this ow is an expert at breaking up marriages. She cheated on her first husband with several men. She broke up her present husbands marriage. Now, she has been cheating on him with my husband. She is just a swell gal. I hope my husband will be happy with her. The worst part is this, I don't ever want to have to send my children to her house. Why should I have to. I didn't ask for this mess. Why should my babies be subjected to it? I almost wish my husband would give up his parental rights to them so they wouldn't have to deal with that. I have lots of good male role models in my family. They don't need there dad as a poor one. I'm sorry... I am very upset right now. I still love that man more than anything. I love him so much it hurts. The boys and I went to the grocery store tonight and they played this song that always made me think of my h. I started bawling right there in the store. That really sucked. My sil said he was really happy today. I know why, it is because he finally made his choice. He is going to be with her. He couldn't be that happy when he was with me. I just reminded him of all his failures. How unfair to me. I have never thought of him as a failure. I have always loved him and thought he was wonderful and admirable. I sent him a bunch of e-mails today and he never replied to a single one of them. I did send him a Valentine from the boys and he did respond to that. He sent them one back and told them he loved them. So, at least they have that. Well, there is my sob story for Valentine's Day. My husband left me! How awful!

woozy,<P>I am so sorry Try not to jump to conclusions though. It may not be over. Try to hang in there as long as you can. I wish I could say more to make you feel better. Just know that I support you and you are in my prayers and thoughts. God Bless you and your boys!!!!<P>------------------<BR>"If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."<P>lady_divine77@yahoo.com

((((((((((((((((WOOZY))))))))))))))<P>I have absolutely nothing that I can say...<P>Jamie-Lee is right....until you know anything for certain, just take care of you and your beautiful, wonderful children.....<P>((((((((((((((((WOOZY)))))))))))))))<P><BR>Dylan

Why do they always pick signifcant holidays. There's ground hog's day, who would care, president's day, big deal. No<BR>they have to go for Christmas, Valentines,<BR>Thanksgiving.<P>Sorry little vent there, my H did similar thing long ago on my birthday.<P>I am really sorry you're in this position, but do not give up. I suspect the OW's true colors will show before long.<P>Take care, take a long hot bath yourself.

Thank you! I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions. The thing is that everytime he takes off, he goes to be with her. He took all his clothes and his computer and whatever else he could fit into his car and I am sure he is going to go and move in with her. The reason he doesn't want to be around me is because I am trying to get him to get help. He doesn't want to deal with any of his problems. So, he is running away from them. If he comes to me, he knows I will want him to still work on his problems. If he goes to her, she will take him in no matter what. I only wanted him to get help because I love him. So, that makes me bad. So, here is the fun part... my house is a mess. I don't expect him in tonight because I have to face the facts that he is going to be with her. But, I expect him to show up tomorrow. I suppose he will want to get more of his stuff. Maybe even tell me to go ahead with the divorce. My sil was so wonderful. She felt terrible and then she told me she wished I could pack up and come down there now. We are going down on Thursday night. Well, I better go, my son needs help with his homework. My life sucks! At least I have wonderful boys and I am going to make sure they know they are wonderful!!!<P>~Woozy

((((((Woozy))))))<P>I am so sorry. I've been following your story and I thought for sure this was going to work. <P>Try not to jump to conclusions yet. Try to wait until you hear from him. He may not go to her. <P>Let us know, OK?<P>You're in my prayers,<BR>Mitzi

woozy,<P>if you don't know me, you can read my story , its pretty bad. Mine left on xmas, I know your in pain. I feel it with you.<P>All I can say is Plan A your pretty little butt off, kill him with kindness. I wouldn't mention the counselor until he is ready.<P>Don't blame yourself, and don't get so down. This can be a blessing in disguise, I know my H lives with OW and I have found no good in it, but friends on the site here have.<P>HER TRUE COLORS WILL SHOW> Let him know he has a safe happy home to return to when he is ready. Pray, Plan A and be strong for you and the boys.<P>The law will force you to send them, see all my posts in the past week and you will see what I learned, I think you can search under my name only to get them.<P>I plan to write back to you but going to bed early. I am really depressed too tonite and had no replies on my postings so I am signing off . I will check on you tomorrow, I know, believe me, woozy, I do know your pain. <P>Prayers are with you tonite and you be strong !

woozy,<P>Sorry things don't look so good right now. One thing you need to remember is this: Your H may still be waffling. He hasn't necessarily made up his mind that you and he are pever, but he isn't strong enough right now to go through the withdrawal. This could be just a setback...and I told you to expect them, remember, honey?????<P>Don't give up just yet, although you are most naturally disappointed and hurt beypond belief. Your H has to sort this out in his opwn time and in his own way. If you still love him enough to wait, then keep doing planA and supporting him as best you can.<P>I am sending prayers and hugs ato you right now.<P>I want you to remember this Valentine's Day as one shared with so many cyber friends who love you dearly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

They always do seem to find the most painful days to leave on. Mine left on Good Friday. His father died on good Friday 7 years ago. Also it was the day before our 9 year olds birthday. Had the big party and all the good stuff planned. Instead we went Easter egg hunting and cried. 3 people who loved him so much.....just drove around in the car and cried. Just thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes. She still talks about the day and it has almost been a year. <BR>My stbx isn't living with the OW because I am sure her H wouldn't like him as a house guest. This is also her 2nd marriage and she betrayed her first H......so the story goes......from the greatest storyteller....my H......seems he was a deadbeat, didn't work and she had to support the family. Screwed around on him with a married man.....messed up a marriage and then married him.....then screwed around on him with my H and many others. I wished he was with her....I really do. Sounds weird, but it hurts even more to not have them together.....sort of like he just left us for nothing. But they deserve each other.<P>Nancy

Thanks to all of you! I am so glad I have this place to come to for support! It is good to know I have all these cyberfriends to look to. I just spent the last three hours on the phone. I talked to my sister for 2 hours and a friend from work for an hour. I feel much better after talking to them. Of course I am still crushed by what my husband has done. I know he is with the ow because there is nowhere else he would go. If he was coming here, he would have been here an hour and a half ago. I'll tell you what, it kills me watching the clock and knowing he is with her instead of with me where he belongs. I hate that he made this huge mess and then left me to deal with it. He gets to just walk away from it all. I don't. I have to explain to the kids that there daddy left and I have to try and help them with the hurt. I do this, while he is off with his ow having what he thinks is the time of his life. What a nice little mess he made for us. I am getting to that angry stage! Anyway, I need to get my kids to bed! Then, I need to go too! Thanks for all being here and making my miserable Valentine's Day a little bit better. He actually made my last Valentine's Day miserable too. He told me he wished I would lose weight. WEll, guess what? I lost 53 pounds and this is how he treats me! I now weigh 115 pounds. I am skinnier than I was in high school! I didn't lose the weight for him. I did it for me! If I had tried to do it from him I would have never done it! Of course this affair business made the last 20 pounds just sort of melt right off! Well, we will see what fun and exciting things tomorrow brings. NOT! I just wonder when he will come to get more of his things. I am such a stupid idiot! I am still sitting here and wishing he would just show up on my doorstep. I am a fool! I suppose he showed up on her doorstep with flowers! What a nice man! Treat that ow good! Real good! OK, I am ranting now!!!<P>~Woozy

Woozy,<BR>I'm terribly sorry that this is happening right now ....but as the others have said, we really don't know the future and sometimes.....some amazing things happen.<P>Happy Valentines Day to ya and please don't lose sight of the wonderful person that you are. This might have started between you two but his actions are now about "HIM". <P>Last year my husband took me out for dinner for Valentines Day....and he flirted like there was no tomorrow with the waitress. Upon bringing it up (which I thought I'd done pretty non-confrontationally....A HUGE FIGHT ENSUED WITH, YET AGAIN, NO SLEEP AND MORE TALK OF SEPARATION AND DIVORCE....A HORRIBLE NIGHT.<P>This year, he came home from work in time to eat dinner with the kids and I, bringing flowers and dark chocolate (which he knows I love).<P>I really don't know what to suggest here other that wait and see, maybe he'll go to the counselor....don't lose hope and see if you two can't get back into the same house (barring committments and promises)...physical separation (which we never did) seems incredible difficult to deal with. <P>-Tina

Well, I think it is too late for working on it. I think he has pretty much made his decision. I am pretty sure he is cozy as can be with the ow at her home. So, now that he has a place to stay, he doesn't need me anymore. If he was going to come home to me, he would have been here 3 and a half hours ago. So, yes, it is pretty clear where he is. You are right, it is about him now. He can see how he likes it living with her. All our families think it won't last. I am not so sure. I don't know what to expect anymore. Now, my son has hives. I don't know if it is related to stress. He said he has been stressed. That makes me so sad. He is only 7. He shouldn't have stress like this in his life. He just came to me and he is all itchy. I used to have some Benadryl but now I can't find it. So, I need to see how I can help him. Thanks for being there! <P>~Woozy

woozy,<P>even if he doesn't show up for the counseling I hope you are going. It does help! <P>I am so sorry that this has happened. You sound like you are going to do things for yourself and the kids and you are to be commended. Do not do these things for him, I don't believe that you are and I am<BR><B>proud of you</B>!

((((Woozy))))

Hi RCoaster,<P>Yes, the boys and I will still be going to counseling. He was going to a completely different counselor than the boys and me. It just so happened that our appts. fell on the same date. I want to get help for the boys and for me. I need help getting them through this. It has been a hard 4 months. It has taken a toll on all of us. My husband ran away because he didn't want to face his problems. In an odd way, his running away, makes me realize that he really does have problems. If he didn't, he wouldn't be so terrified of going to counseling. I think he believes that things will be just fine when he goes to be with the ow. I suppose they will. For awhile. But, I think these problems will just sneak up on him again. He is a mess and he made our lives a mess. Thanks for being proud of me! I need to hear that! I feel so lost right now! I am trying to find some direction. I know I have to do it on my own as my h is not here to do it with me. The most important thing to me is to try and get through this without causing any more damage to my children. That is hard. They have already suffered a tremendous amount of pain. It is hard for me too. I did tell my h that he needs to get strong again so that I can have my nervous breakdown. Well, I don't think I will be allowed that luxury. I guess I don't really want that anyway! It would just be nice to be able to run away from things. I have never been able to do that. My son wants me to go to bed. Thanks for being here for me! Only 5 more minutes and my nightmare of a Valentine's Day will be over!<P>~Woozy

Just a little update... My h never showed up here. He never called me to let me know he took off. Nothing. My son got hives last night so he is home today as he was awake all night long scratching at them. So, I am home today also. I don't know if my h will show up here today or not. I suppose I will try and get some cleaning done so that he can't say I am a total slob. I want to say that I am ok but I am dying inside. I know the ow has today off. If my husband decided to go back to his job, he would have to be at work. I don't know what he is going to do. I wish he would at least show me the decency he showed the ow when he left her. He had the decency to call her and tell he was leaving. Well, I don't get that kind of respect. Me, his wife and mother of his two boys. He can up and leave us at the drop of a hat and think nothing of it. But when he leaves the ow, he has to let her know. That hurts me! THat kills me. I feel so tormented. I do wonder how long it will take be for the ow starts cheating on my h. Everybody thinks she will. That is how she operates. The thing is, my h is a pretty good guy for the most part. SO, I don't think she will dump him anytime soon. So, I am left alone with my kids. The worst part is the fact that my h always wanted me to stay home with the kids. Well, I did do that until the youngest one started kindergarten. Then I went to work part-time. So, I have no skills and a part-time job that pays me $6.50 an hour. Plus, I am used to being around for my kids. That is one of the things I loved the most about my job. THe fact that I could take them to school in the morning and be there for them when they got home. So, thanks to my h, my life is a disaster. He doesn't even have the decency to come and help me pick up the pieces. Wow, I guess I really am angry here. I just wonder how long he is going to stay away. I dreamt about him all night long. I kept dreaming he came home. Then I would wake up feeling more horrible than before. Well, I better get to my housework and check on my son.<P>~Woozy