We are still in the dark....please keep us posted. I do feel for you...you are a humanbeing and with that I can feel and understand your pain.<P>I want so bad to say more.....as I am still hurting from my stbx....but I will save it for venting on my own post.<P>Nancy

Nothing new to update...my H is basically living with XW and kids. I haven't talked to him for a while. I hope he is doing okay. I was at my sons school last night for their italian dinner and my H XW, their kids and XW's parents were there. I passed his XW in the hall she smiled at me but wouldn't look at me eye to eye. I saw his kids at the book fair and they said they were waiting for their Dad to eat--big happy family...even with his x-inlaws he absolutely hated. <P>I went to a support group last night for Women with Depression--it was good. They were very supportive--I think I'll go back again next week. Even though this was a bible study, they didn't think negatively of the fact that I committed one of the commandments--adultry. I told them I felt like I was now being punished for what I did 7 years ago. Instead, they gave me support and said God would never punish you--if I had asked for his forgiveness before he gave it to me--which I had within one year of the whole ordeal. So, I felt better about that because it was really bothering me thinking I was being punished. <P>I need to let go, I'm trying my hardest, if he is happy with his XW and being a full time Dad again, I love him enough to let him go. I want him to be happy again and to be able to love again. He is a good man, a great Dad and a great H!! I will always love him in my heart and he will always have a special place along with his kids, but I am trying my hardest to move ahead.<P>His birthday is one week from today and I've always done something special and surprised him--it will be hard on the 25th not to be with him, but he will be in my thoughts. I pray he his happy.<P>As for me, well...I'm coping day by day. Some days its much harder than others and it feel like, at times, for each step I take forward I take two steps backwards. I'm sure it will get better...but not soon enough. At times I want to pack my bags and run away and start over where I know no one. My H and my lives are so inter-twined at times I know I will eventually run into him with his XW and I will be totally devestated--how will I handle it? Who knows--but I won't let him see me cry.<P>I know right now I have my son and he is number one besides myself. I need to get out of our house until it sells (moving in with my parents) because of all the memories--along with all his things and his kids' things still here.<P>Thanks for all your insight. Please keep me in your prayers.<P>Kimber<P>------------------<BR>

Kimber, <P>You said he is living there, are they "together" again?<P>You will get through this. Use this forum to learn as much as you can. Have you been learning about affairs yet, or reviewed the MB site or any books. They will help.<P>My prayers are with you. Dana<BR>

Terri - that about says it all!<BR>Sorry I can't be sympothetic.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>big happy family...even with his x-inlaws he absolutely hated.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>I would say he most likely did not hate them. It's easier on the person having the affair if they alienate everyone they knew with their spouse (including the spouse) because then they don't have to deal with them.<P>No, God is not punishing you.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Kimber,<P>I truly do feel your pain and am heartfully sorry that you are going through something like this. I just ended a 10 month affair today for the 4th and FINAL time and I am absolutely devastated. My heart is just breaking for you.....<P>Please know that our God is not a punishing God. I do believe there are consequences for sin and I know I'm probably in for a whopper of a consequence, but the bottom line is this: just as you would love your son no matter what he did, what mistake he made, our Lord and Saviour loves us just as much. If we truly are sorry for the pain we have caused and the horrid sin we have committed against Him, as well as the MM's wife and family (I know you ended up marrying him but initally he was a MM) He will put that sin "as far as the East is from the West". <P>I understand and admire you for wanting him and his family to be happy. I love my (x)MM sooooo much that his happiness has always seemed more important than my own. And even though his wife knows nothing of our affair, I still feel like a filthy no-good witch for doing this to her. <P>I pray for your healing. May God truly bless you with a wonderful man who will love and adore you.<P>

kimber, <BR>Isn't it amazing how self-righteous people can be in the name of God? (Hello Regina)<P>God is not punishing you or creating "justice". God loves you and wants happiness for you. He created you didn't he?<P>What I've come to realize and still struggle with is this: these seemingly horrible experiences are a fantastic opportunity for growth. You, like me, have probably been denying something inside yourself that deserves a closer look. These denials are what often cause poor judgement. Listen to yourself!<P>Take your time to grieve but also take this time to heal. You can come through this stronger than ever and unwilling to fall into a destructive relationship ever again. <P>His leaving, believe it or not, is probably a blessing.<P>Good luck to you kimber. I know it's not easy.<BR>I'll say a prayer right now. You too, okay?<BR>Amen.

I'm not too sure what I want to say to you.<P>Nothing bad, but I have very mixed emotions.<P>You've been honest and up-front (more that my H gave me) but boy, what, just what do I think ?<P>I'm sorry for what you are going through, it's awful for anyone to hurt so bad.....<P>Take care of you<P>Jo

Kimber--<P>I want to extend my heartfelt sympathy to you. Whatever the path was to get you to this point, right or wrong, conventional or unconventional...you are hurting and your H has left. Many of us will support you through your healing. <P>Keep us updated. I'm glad you're taking steps to continue on with your life. You're a strong person and your little one needs you. As you heal, try to look toward new things, and when you consider what happened, learn from it as best you can. <P>There's still a possibility your H may do another flip-flop; he already has--from you back to his Ex. I hope he's learning too to spare you ALL more pain, and not running in confusion. Pain is an excellent teacher though...without it, we wouldn't cherish the good. You WILL find what's "right" for you.

I really feel for you... <P>I agree with Lucks, that there are those who will support you. Many here, though, have brand new fresh pain, and the OW in their lives are hateful manipulating shrews... they can't do anything about them, so they flame you. Your response in your update was kind and mature, and you didn't answer the anger with anger. I respect that.<P>Kimber, I hope that you can find some peace, and that your H will make up his mind what and who he wants. It sounds like he still loves his first W, and misses his children and extended family. He should have thought long and hard about leaving them in the first place, but obviously, he pushed all those feelings inside and thought he was doing the right thing in marrying you. That is so sad! A lesson for us all!!! <P>Take care, and keep us posted.

Well, here it is Sunday and H just left after coming over to pick up some clothes for his kids and himself. I talked to him earlier on the phone when he called to get mad because I wasn't leaving the garage door open and he could get in the house. I said I didn't lock it (which I didn't) but on occasion if you bump it just right it will lock. He had me in tears because he dosen't believe a word that comes out of my mouth--"You are a chronic lier with an addiction to lying".<P>Anyways, he just left. When he is here in person a different side of him will appear for a brief moment then disappear and will appear again a little later. I didn't want to him to see me cry but I did--I am mad at myself for that. When I told him how bad I was hurting he said he was hurting too and that it wasn't a piece of cake for him--he's dealing with alot right now too. He told me he didn't love me at all--I told him I could accept that and asked if he still cared deeply like he told me and he said NO. He cares if I'm sick or hurting but that is it. I told him to give me 6 months to let me prove I can be trusted again. I will lay out all my credit card bills, checkbook, savings book and all to see I do pay my bill and I CAN be trusted with money. He says he hopes I can. I asked that in the future if he ever has a change of heart and thinks that things could be different between us if he would call. He didn't know. The day he asked for a divorce he promised he would give me time and when the time came that he was ready for a realtionship agian he would look at me first. When I asked him that same question again today he said he didn't think so but he didn't know. With what he feels inside for me, what I have done to him, and all we've been through, he said he could never trust me again and there would never be anything more. At times, from things he says, I question if he is physically back with XW or if he is just hiding it. <P>He deserves to be happy and he deserves to love again the way he is capable of. Oh, I love him dearly. I just want a friendship back with him again in the future. We always had so much fun together. When I think of that I cry, like I'm doing right now. Spring is coming...when the snow melts will it wash away all the bad and bring in the new and good? <P>Last night after church I talked to the pastor and laid all out to him. I am having a hard time with my Faith in God. I know our God is not a punishing God, but how could he let me hurt so bad. I know I have asked for forgiveness and he has given it to me, but why can't I let go of my H and deal with the pain. Am I getting now what I deserved 7 years ago--hurting they way his XW did when I took her husband away? Is she paying me back now being nice to him, them getting "so close" (as my H explained this morning on the phone) to hurt me like she hurt? Is she laughing inside knowing I have now lost and she was won? Or, is she stringing my H along and will drop him and hurt him like he hurt her? I couldn't bear to see him hurt. I can just remember so clearly when his XW pulled me aside this past November and looked at me in the eyes and said there was nothing going on between them, she has nothing left for him in that way, and he had hurt her one to many times and there will NEVER be anything between them again. Was that a put on? I'm sure she sees him differently now than when they were married. He is a hard worker, very active in his kids' life, and they still have a "bond" they always talk about. My H told me this morning on the phone that they have been doing alot of talking, more than they have since they divorced, and they have become much closer, have done alot of talking about the past, present and future. What does that mean?<P>I just have so many unanswered questions that nobody can answer except my H. I wrote him a note and he took it with him and I said we both have unanswered questions and maybe someday we will be able to sit down and answer them for one another. <P>Sorry to keep babbling...I'll sign off now. He said he would coming over alot this week to get his things packed so I'll keep you posted.<P>Until later...Kimber <P><P>------------------<BR>