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#851734 02/28/00 03:44 PM
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Anyone out there in my shoes. Now that she has done this. She is not sure if she wants to stay or go. We have three kids. Been together for 19 years and married for 14. She is emotionally tied to this guy. Help. What Can I do. We have been going through counseling, but she has a hard time talking about it. We have discussed what let to the affair, but not the affair itself.

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Tod,<P>There are plenty of us out here. Read posts by WilliamJ, SamH, and lots of others. You are not alone.

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Hi Tod, and welcome. Sorry your circumstance leads you here, but this is a great place. Click on the "glasses" to the right of my post date and time to read my profile. I'm in the same boat as you.<P>Help me is right, check out the posts, especially by WilliamJ and SamH. Read mine as well. Same situation, different circumstances, different potential outcomes. It's long and complicated.<P>I'm sure NSR(Jim) our "welcome wagon" will be along shortly to give you the "official" welcome. In the meantime, read what you can on this web site. Familiarize yourself with Plan A. This is where you need to be right now.<P>We all help each other here and if you have to be in the situation you are, we are glad you are here.<P>--DeWayne--

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Hello Tod,<P>You are not alone. There are many of us here that are suffering the pain that affairs cause. <P>I found out about my wife's affair just before New Years Day. She still does not know what she wants to do. <P>I take great comfort from the advice and encouragement of those here. Think of the wonderful things that you can still be thankful for. You have three children. You and your wife are going to counseling. Is your wife living at home? If so, there is another thing to be thankful for. <P>I think one of the biggest things to help me was to educate myself as to the causes of affairs and how to get past them. There are some wonderful books sold through this site that may help you. <P>I wish you the best. Keep posting here. The people are very caring, supportive, and understanding.

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Tod,<P>Fortunetly for you and unfortuneate for the others, there are plenty of people in your shoes.<P>If it is support you are looking for, you have come to the right place. Don't be afarid to ask questions and to vent, especially vent here. No matter what you encounter in your situation there will be usually someone else if not a number of others that have gone through a similiar situation.<P>Hang tough, you can survive.<P>Bob

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Tod,<BR>Another male here, W is the betrayer. 5 mos into recovery, but this weekend we just hit a snag. The OM called her cell phone really thinking I had it, we both have our sons on same sports team, it was a team type phone call, but the W had the cell and she answered, whamo! all the emotions from Sept 99 came rushing back, man...I tell you, here we go again! She does not want to go run to his arms or anything like that, but I had to find out on my own, she confessed her feelings to her email girlfriend on the east coast, we are on the west coast. I routinely go into my W's email now and read just incase, good thing. So now tonight we have to have another heart to heart talk,. What we found out that keeps her from telling me her feelings when these things happen is her PRIDE! She hates revealing her feelings that she knows she should not be having to ME. <BR>So I have to play this detective role...I have snooper secret software running all the time on the PC, its captures everything I tell it too. anywayw...<BR>I am here too, in recovery.<P>------------------<BR>jnvc

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Tod -- No your are not the only one in this position. There are a lot of us here. Our numbers have seemed to increased quite a bit in the past few months. <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We have discussed what let to the affair, but not the affair itself.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Don't feel alone in this either. I myself know probably 95% of the details of my W's affair, and maybe 90% of what led up to it.<P>There are still an awful lot of things that I don't know though. And we are over a year into recovery.<P>As I said, you are definitely not alone.<P>God Bless

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Tod,<P>Welcome...<BR>Read my profile (click the sunglasses by my name)<P>The biggest thing I can say right now is that <B>I am a better person</B> because of this.<P>That light you are going to see at the end of the tunnel isn't a frieght train.<P>Hang in there, you can survive,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

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<B>WELCOME, TOD TO THE MB INFIDELITY FORUM!!</B><P>YOU'VE HEARD IT... UNFORTUNATELY YOU ARE NOT ALONE... FORTUNATELY YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! ALTHOUGH OUR STORIES DIFER BY CIRCUMSTANCES WE ALL ARE HERE FOR THE SAME BASIC & SAD REASONS.<P>HERE IS A LINK TO NSR (JIM)'S WELCOME MESSAGE; READ IT & START FROM THERE: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html</A> <P>TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DON'T STOP POSTING & REPLYING.<P>ALEX<P>------------------<BR><B>Live fully and always learn</B>

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Jnvc,<P> You mentioned some snooper software in you post. Could you tell me the product name and where I can get a hold of a copy? Some other info that would be helpful is:<P>What operating system are you running the product on?<P>Is it truly stealthy? <P>Anyone else out there have experience with these types of products (good or bad)?<P><BR>Thanks,<BR>Hi Infidelity<P><BR>

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Where did you go?????<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

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Tod:<BR> <BR>sorry to welcome you here but atleast their is advice all over the place. I eant to let you know there is hope. My W not only fell in love with OM but also told me good bye. She ne only happiness with OM. <P>She went into this fantasy world that OM made her feel good about herself. The problem is that it only last for short time. (good for us) <P>Then came the I need them both stage. She tried with only him but kept contact with me. would come buy to talk about some problem or to pick up mail would always stay & talk for a while. Would get an kiss from time to time. That only confused her more. <P>Then came i want to come home & give us a try. Start of recovery. going threw the withdrawl stage is the pits dont know if we are out yet or not but its very hard to go threw for both of you.<P>From time to time your wife will reapear loving & happy but dont expect it all the time. Both her moods & yours will swing (that wild rollercoaster everyone talks about) One day i feel that we are going to make it the next day i dont know if i can trust her or not. (the not trusting hurts you more then you relize by the way)<P>Anyway there are alot of good days now. Three months into recovery. Six months from D day. Like everyone says if you want you W you are going to have to hang in there. Pray alot it helps me so much. Ask people your questions here there is a lot of exp. on these boards. <P>I dont know about you but the people who helped me the most were the one's who gave me so much hope. They told me their story of how they made it threw & that i could to. So i hope this gives you some hope but remeber every day that it is work but if you love her then you will not mind doing the work.<P>I beleive that i am a much better Husband now then ever before it's to bad that this had to happen to make me that way. <P>My prays & hopes go out to you & your W <BR> <BR> LotsofHope<P> <P><P>------------------<BR>


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