UNBELIEVABLE!!!<P>When I was having an emotional affair with the OM, I had AOL Instant Messenger. When I ended the affair with the OM, I uninstalled Instant Messenger so that I would not have a way to chat with him. So, tonight, I got on ICQ (I have had ICQ for almost two years now -- I never chatted with OM via ICQ...he never even had ICQ) to chat with a Christian friend (female) from church, and I got a message saying that the OM had added me to his ICQ contact list!!!! UGH!!! The guy downloaded ICQ and then added me to his list!!!!!!! I'm so incredibly frustrated. Here is what I did: The OM was not on ICQ when I was on there, so I messaged him saying, "Please remove me from your ICQ list immediately. I do not want to hear from you in any way ever again." I had to add him temporarily so that I could message him. Then, I had to delete him from my contact list. WHAT A PAIN! I'm soooo incredibly irritated. What is it that this guy is trying to pull? Is he deliberately trying to test me and drive me NUTS?? And, guess what else? This guy is using his same screen name from when we had the emotional affair. It's as if he is trying to play mind games with me.<P>What part of GO AWAY does this man NOT understand???<P>All of this after a year! I do not understand.<P>I'm sharing this so that I can continue to be accountable. <P>Please send me some suggestions and support...<P>Jill

Hi Jill,<P>Way to go!!! Hang in there.<P>ICQ allows you to add people to an ignore list, which will prevent you from getting any messages from them. Additionally you can set up ICQ so that you have to approve anyone that wants to add you to their list.<P>Johnnie

Jill,<P>I don't know how ICQ works so this might not make any sense.<P>How did he know what name and # to add you to his list? Do you use the same name you had then? Make up a new name and send it to only those you want to contact you. Make a phony name in your profile so he can't find you. <P>Just my generic ideas <P>Hope this helps<P>Keo

Johnnie: Thanks for the tips on ICQ. I know just enough about ICQ to be scary! LOL <P>Keosha: I guess that the OM plugged in my oldest e-mail address. It's my husband's current e-mail address -- the address that ICQ is set-up under. All you have to do is do a search by first name/last name or e-mail address and you can find any one on ICQ. It's aggravating.<P>Thanks for the support!<P>Jill

You are so strong. You are restoring my faith in people and showing me so much about the other end of this issue. I am so glad you are posting here. I am praying foy you and your H. I really want this to work out for you. I hope your H can see your sincerity.<P>I would like to suggest a book that will help you understand what your H will go through after you tell him. It is called after the affair and it does a good job of explaining what goes on in the heads of both people.<P>Good luck. I am thinking of you.<P>Acacai

Acacia:<P>Thanks for your kind words. Thank you for suggesting the book. I will most definitely be purchasing that book in the near future.<P>I wish you the best. Thank you for your prayers.<P>Jill

Jill,<P>You just keep doing the next right thing...<BR>Ignore him and he will eventually go away..<BR>After you tell your H and you guys are on the road to recovery, he can tell OM to get lost..or else..<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Hi Jill...<P>I agree with acacia. It is super to have you here! Your stength is the hope that many of us in your husband's shoes need. I wish and pray that all waywards would have the strength to avoid/stay away from the OP.<P>Once you tell your husband and the air settles, please print or show him your postings. Especially the ones where you avoid contact and are frustrated with the attempt from the OP. It may be tough for him at first, but with a lot of understanding and patience, I am sure that he will see the love you have for him is neverending.<P>I continue to read your postings. You are a joy to have with us (and I mean that in a good way, not the way of affairs... for that, none of us want to be here). You are such an inspiration.<P>Once the dust settles and all is better between the two of you, try reading "Life Strategies" by Dr Phil McGraw. He has been on Opera and they are doing a series on him (every 2 weeks or so). He talks about us being managers of our relationships and the only person we CAN manage is ourselves. He shows us how to manage. Like you, I find him a great inspiration.<P>I pray that success and recovery come your way. In my heart, you deserve it!

Jill,<P>My hero! You keep on impressing us here at MB. I know you have read the posts of several people in similar positions to your own. So you shouldn't be surprised that we admire your strength and determination. It is so rare and is a beacon of hope for so many of us.<P>Yup, there are ways to deny him access with ICQ. Do those things that Johnnie mentioned. But mainly just keep up the strength of spirit that keeps pushing the OM away no matter how persistent he is. He'll get the message eventually.

Hi<P>Thanks again for the outpouring of support.<P>Once again, I'm overwhelmed!<P>Peace to all.<P>Jill

If I remember right you go into your profile. From there you can tell it that you want to approve people before they add you to their contact list. I don't know how to do the ignore. There should be an icq help line available with more info. Basically he looked you up, and because your information was public he found you.<P>That certainly takes alot of balls. Contact icq for help on this. He is going to know pretty much every time you are on icq. That's certainly not something I'd want him knowing.

I feel for you. It is a pretty yucky feeling when we finally see the OM for what they really are and realize "What the *ell were we thinking!!"<P>Flush this *utthead out. Tell your H, and follow some of the suggestions given here about how to protect your privacy. If he still persists, there are legal methods to make him cease.

Jill, <P>More Demonic attacks, huh? Well I have just prayed for God to place a hedge around you to protect you. My prayers are going with you. I really think that this is Satan's last ditch effort to destroy your marriage. Don't let him. Keep up the good work!!<P>May the Lord Bless you and Keep You.<BR>John

ok go to ICQ window pick privacy and security and add his name to your invisable list and ignore list, then then go to the securty tab and choose the dot that says my authroization is required and then click save no one then can add you to their list with out your ok...and with OM on your ignore list you will never hear from him again on ICQ<P>if you need more help e-mail me I have ICQ too , anytime<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

Everyone:<P>THANKS!!<P>I have handled my situation on ICQ by following your brilliant instructions and suggestions.<P>Thank you for the many prayers and for the outpouring of love and support.<P>Jill<BR>