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#853323 03/09/00 01:05 AM
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When a betrayer is involved in an affair....and it is physical, is it possible for the betrayer to NOT have feelings for the OP?

#853324 03/09/00 01:33 AM
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NoTrust:<P>I know that when I was involved with another man, I had VERY STRONG feelings for him. The feelings were so strong that it was almost an obsession. Well, okay...it WAS an obsession AND a fantasy. The emotional AND physical aspects of the affair were very powerful. I'm not saying these things to hurt you. I'm just trying to be truthful. <P>So, to answer your question...<P>No, I do not think that it is possible for a wayward spouse to be involved with someone else without having feelings for that person (even though those feelings are based in "fantasy land").<P>I think that the fantasy aspect of an affair is why it's so important to have the "no contact" rule. When a wayward spouse STOPS having contact with the other person, it gives reality a chance to sink-in. It gives the wayward spouse time to begin to think more clearly. And, when reality sets-in, it hurts! Within one week of "no contact" with the other man, I realized the magnitude of what I had done to myself, God and to my husband. I realized what an idiot I was. I realized that the other person was not someone that I would have even taken a second glance at if the situation were different. I realized that I had been living in a fantasy land and that the other man wasn't a prince -- he was a BIG FROG. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Anyway, I hope I didn't confuse you. I hope this helped in some small way.<P>Jill

#853325 03/08/00 02:15 PM
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My H insisted it was not emotional, he wanted sex and she was willing.<P>It became emotional after awhile and then during withdrawal he realized it was more emotional than he thought.

#853326 03/08/00 02:51 PM
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NoTrust,<BR>for me when I had mt A I had no feelings for the OM, some people may say then why did I do it? good question.<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"It took me quite a while to realize that <B>the real deal</B> is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you"<BR>----Stevie Ray Vaughan<P>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> lms20ish@jobe.net

#853327 03/08/00 09:09 PM
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My H says that at the beginning his encounter with OW was just for sex. The problem is that OW wanted more and I am not talking about sex. She is the one that wanted EA at least that's what it looks like to me. Since women are more interested in emotions and feelings I can see this to be the case in my situation. She just got him wrapped around her little finger.

#853328 03/08/00 09:12 PM
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I think the OM just used my W. I don't think he felt anything given that he made someone else pregnant during the time he was and probably still is with my W via pages and phone calls.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

#853329 03/08/00 10:53 PM
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Absolutely, we can do it without emotional attachment. I did.. We met online on night and were in bed the next. Frankly, I believe now that she was a sex addict as well. I know this sounds wierd, but when she started getting attached is when I got scared and started wanting out. I was not in it for a relationship, although I did enjoy her friendship and companionship. I liked how I felt about myself when I was with her. I don't know if that helps.<P>Repenting

#853330 03/09/00 04:32 PM
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Everyone, thanks for your replies. Pinky, you made a good point where most women are more emotional & feeling rather than physical. The former OW in our lives really wanted some type of committed long-term relationship.<P>My H acts like she means nothing to him. He doesn't even know why he did it. He says that if he were single, he would just party with her, sleep with her and then dump her within 1 to 2 months, because that's what he used to do before he got married.<P>Repenting, your reply really helped. With the way my H was, I had a difficult time understanding how he could just sleep with someone and it not mean anything. But, I guess it's possible.<P>My H was depressed, using alcohol as an escape, hung out at bars (day after day) and set himself up for destruction. Unfortunately, it happenned but we are on our way to recovery.<P>Thanks everyone for your insight on this!


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