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#853959 03/10/00 02:45 PM
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well i invited my sister and husband and two kids for the weekend, because they know nothing of my situation and MM will not come around or try to contact me while they are here. i feel selfish for doing it and don't get me wrong i love them visiting, but it makes things easier for me (i think) but i know sunday is going to come along and they will be gone and then monday when i have to face MM at work (i feel like throwing up just thinking of that).<BR>thanx for all your prayers<BR>

#853960 03/10/00 05:16 PM
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Lost ~<P>Don't feel guilty or bad or selfish or whatever for having your family over. I'm sure if they knew what you were going thru they would be there anyway!!!! Surround yourself as much as you can with people who will love you and keep you busy and hold you accountable (even if they don't know they are doing it!!!)<P>As far as Monday coming, I didn't realize you worked with him. Can you switch jobs? I can only imagine that must be terribly difficult. Whilst I don't work directly with the MM I was involved with, our paths do cross almost once per month for business. Having said that, even if I did work with him, I couldn't realistically switch jobs without major upset to my life and my kids life so I am throwing that out there as food for thought but would completely understand if you couldn't. <P>Hugs and prayers coming your way!<P>Judy

#853961 03/10/00 06:08 PM
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OUCH,<P>I almost thought you were my h's OW. We have two small children, he sat me down and confessed all, but that was four months ago.<P>If you read some threads, any threads, you will understand what is at stake. I hope that can give you the desire to do what is right no matter how hard.<P>As Harley says somewhere on this site, there is no pain like the pain of betrayal. It is the worst pain I have ever known, worse than being sexually abused by my step-father while my mom did nothing. And the children sure did not deserve to suffer as they have. Thank God their young age has shielded them from understanding what was going on!<P>I don't usually come on this strong, but I think you need to know what you are doing to his wife and children. She is experiencing the worst pain of her life right now thanks to you and her H. The only thing you can do is stay away so his addiction can pass.<P>I could never be friends with his OW, but at least she did observe the "no contact". I am grateful for that, very much so. It will take incredible strength, but you have got to do this!

#853962 03/10/00 06:36 PM
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Lost,<BR>You did the right thing by telling him to go home. It saves a lot of feelings:yours, his, his W's, their children. The pain would be immense for all concerned.<P>Besides if it did work out that he left his W for you, the odds are in favor of him doing the same thing to you. My W learned this first hand with her most recent affair. OM has another woman pregnant. She was hurt that he had been sleeping around while they had something gong on. I really don't understand why she would be angry with him considering that he was cheating with her on his W. <P>You have done the honorable thing. God is working on you even though you say that you don't have a personal relationship with Him. <P>MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net <p>[This message has been edited by professorg (edited March 10, 2000).]

#853963 03/10/00 07:33 PM
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<BR><B>Lost11</B><P>I have read this thread and I wanted to say welcome to the forum too.<P>Everyone here has already given you excellent advise and I agree you have already done so many things right. You cannot change the past but, have the ability to change today and the future. I think you have made steps in the right direction and I commend you for that.<P>Naturally you are hurting and like someone else said I hate to admit it but, I know too that the OW has been hurt. I am a little bitter because she pursued my husband for 1 1/2 years and knew he was married. She wanted him and that coupled with the fact that he was unhappy is all she needed to go ahead. With the nearly two years of the actual affair she stole from me over three and a half years of my husband. I feel she at least knew what she was getting into while I had no idea what was actually happening.<P>Still I feel a responsibility for her pain too. If I had met my husband's needs (although he did not meet mine either) then he'd never had gone near her in that manner and she would not have had to experience the pain of loosing my husband.<P>I wish she'd been like you and either offered him advise when they first started talking or ever told him to go home to his wife and finish it one way or another. She never once did any of the amicable things you have done.<P>I will do my best here to support you and give you all the help you need. I will start with <B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{Lost11}}}}}}}}}}}}</B><P>There are many here that are hurting so badly. If they don't receive you well pleased don't take it personal. Everyone here is "Really good people." Sometimes it is just hard to get by our own pain and reach out to someone else.<P>I recommend you read the post I am enclosing a link to here.<BR> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/001477-2.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum28/HTML/001477-2.html</A> <BR>It explains the effect all of this has on the children.<P>I also recommend you read the book "Torn Asunder." Here is a link to order that book. <A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0802477488/o/qid=952735558/sr=2-1/104-1177961-7047663" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0802477488/o/qid=952735558/sr=2-1/104-1177961-7047663</A> I think you will find it really valuable for you and to understand this whole complicated issue.<P>I look forward to your future posts and success at doing the right thing. You have a hard road to travel too. If you do that with God you will prevail in doing the right thing.<P><BR>You will be in many prayers here including my own.<BR><P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't loose. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B>

#853964 03/11/00 02:35 PM
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Hi there,<P>lots of people have given you tons of advice here. I won't say it all again but I want you to remember or think of one thing.<P>What you are going through is tough, both people go through a withdrawl period. You need support. We can give it here for you, so can others. Don't discount the strength your family can give. I know that you are feeling guilty over the whole thing. If you have a good relationship with your parents or siblings, tell them. Stress that you want to cut the contact and need help being strong. Parents are wonderful. But only ask those who you know can help, you don't need feedback that doesn't support you or give you strength.<P>Your Mom might be a good strength, talk to her and tell her. Then ask if she can help you , for example: You feel like calling him, or are sooo lonely you need to call him, ask you mom if you can call her (let her know why). And I bet, she will be soo helpful it hurts.<P>Big hugs, and remember takes small steps, day by day work at the problem. Too big of bites and you might choke, small ones get the job done too.<P>James

#853965 03/11/00 03:10 PM
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lOST,<BR> I have been betrayed by my H and my niece/friend. It has been almost unbariable to live through. Please print these post, write down your feelings right NOW!! Then put them away but remember were they are. Then in the future when your married or a married man is asking you out; read these letters/posts and reconsider! I have wrote many letters to my H as therapy and he by chance have kept them. I feel comfort knowing that if he thinks of wandering again the pain it causes is there to remember! ( H tends to forget details). <BR> I am so happy you are reaching out for help! I'm sure that many of us betrayed are wish the OW would have had the courage. <P>***Special note***<P>I never knew wether or not OW was remorsful for the pain sHe caused me. If you ever are approched by the wife, please share the feelings you have in a gental way and ensure her that you are sorry! <P>Take Care ,BECCA

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