Well, I know a lot of you already know that my h came to visit on Saturday and that he baked *ME* a cheese cake. That has very special meaning to me. He stayed for five hours. He is so confused. I know he is. He hugged me at different times throughout the day. He scratched my back, gave me a backrub. Let me drive his new car a couple of times. He brought me a copy of a cd with different songs on it that he had recorded with his cd writer. We talked and got along like old times. When he said he had to leave, he had tears in his eyes. Started rubbing them and had to walk away from me. Then, he stayed another 40 minutes. He told me I look good too. I sent him an e-mail Saturday night to tell him what bills we owe and he sent me one back on Sunday. He said he enjoyed his visit on Saturday. It was actually a pretty chatty e-mail. <P>Ok, so I know I wrote a lot of that stuff already but, in his e-mail he said he was going to call his mom. So, I sent her an e-mail and told her how Saturday went and asked her if my h called her. She said he did. She said she asked him if he really wanted a divorce. He said those darned three little words, "I don't know!" She asked him if he still loves me. She said he said yes. ****I KNEW IT!**** She said she asked him if they could meet half way somewhere soon and talk. She said he said yes but would not set a date. Oh, this is killing me! She would love nothing more that to see us stay married. She loves me and has supported me through this whole thing. <P>I know he still loves me because if he didn't he wouldn't do all the little things he has done. When he came on Tuesday and left, he came back 10 minutes later because he had forgotten to put air in my bike tires. HE CAME BACK TO PUT AIR IN MY TIRES! Ok, I felt like he didn't want to leave. He spent 20 minutes putting air in my tires. You cannot know how much I am praying to God to reach my husband and to help my husband reach out to Him. I told my mother-in-law that I am not going to rush the divorce. I told her that I still love her son. I really don't know where any of this is going. My husband has a long way to go yet. That is the hard part. I am afraid that is why he went to the ow in the first place. He thought that was easier than working on our problems. So, for now, I am not saying anything about the situation when he comes to visit. Just being a friend. <P>I am a basket case! My mother-in-law said she may have to work on my h to get him to meet with her. I hope they get together soon. <P>Well, I must go to work here pretty quick! I am going crazy! Everyone is going to think I am crazy! I am not going to talk about it at work today! No matter how much I want to. Everyone will say I am a fool for wanting him back. <P>Woozy

Woozy,<P>You are not a fool to want what God has promised you. If your Husband is repentant in what he has done to his family, God can make all things possible. Just keep taking your prayers to God, and listen to what he tells you. Focus on him and his word and he will deliver your husband to you. Your H still has that waffling "I don't know" thing going on, and that is something to be guarded about. I know, been there, done that. Just take your time, you are going to have the rest of your lives together, so you have time on your side. Take Care, Kevin

Hi Kevin,<P>Thanks for the advice! I am trying to stay on guard and not get my hopes up. That is what I feel stupid about is that I am getting careless about my feelings. I am letting them get away from me. I need to remember that just because he loves me doesn't mean he will come back to me. It is so hard because everyone is telling me to divorce him and be careful with my emotions. They haven't all been married to him for 11 years though. So, I guess, I need to put it out of my mind for awhile now! Easier said than done! I will keep praying! I am not going to make any contact with him. I will just try to remember to let him be the one to reach out to me. That is basically what I have been doing. THis is so incredibly hard! Thanks again for the advice and I hope things are going well for you!<P>Woozy

Woozy,<BR>It seems like you might benefit from deciding what "you" want instead of reacting to what is going on with your husband.<P>I remember very clearly those first few conversations when my husband had finally climbed back to the top of the fence and was teetering back and forth between "independence/fun" and his family. <P>You have a chance to be stronger than him, not letting pride and humility speak for you. I'm not minimizing how awful you must feel, however, I'm suggesting you put aside those angry feelings and **help** your husband to come back to you and your family.<P>Honestly, dear, don't listen to another word others tell you unless "they've lived a similar situation".<P>Also, try like He$$ to get him back in your house so that he AGAIN has you and the family. Honestly, tough love doesn't seem like it's working and it would seem from your posts....that there is still plenty of feelings between the two of you. I don't advocate becoming a doormat....but do try and get past the hurt and humility, "right now" and SECURE your family. If the process goes well, then you'll have time in each others arms to excercise those hurts and recover from them.<P>He seems now, just like in the beginning, like he needs someone to take charge and help him make decisions. You can seize this opportunity or you can let him blow away in the breeze. <P> I've seen such spunk and spice from you...Forget about what everyone else thinks...WHAT IS IT, THAT WOOZY THINKS AND WANTS???<P>-Tina<BR>

Woozy,<P>I know it's hard, but the reward is going to be great. You can to all things through Christ.<P>As for me, I continue to be God-minded inside, and to be prayerful and hopefull. The bad part is that Lor has too many things that she is battling. She doesn't think so, but she has Satan pressing so hard on her and telling her that she can not make another effort, that she can't trust me again, that she has no love left. It's can't, can't, won't, won't. That is not God speaking to her, but I can not direct her steps and move her to his will. I am just trying to be patient and calm and to listen to him speak to me and to do his will through me. <P>It is difficult right now. Last week she told me she wanted the divorce. Yesterday, she handed me the paperwork. Her tank is empty and she is involved very emotionally with someone, but will not admit to its depth. Been down that road myself. She's read all the material, knows all of the signs, but the addiction is too strong. Top that off with how badly I have hurt her and the children, and she just absolutely refuses to try anything, spirtual, counseling or otherwise. I remain steadfast in the knowledge that God is directing my path. Keep the prayers coming.<P>Take care, Kevin

Hi Tina,<P>Thanks for your post! You get right to the point and I like that about you! Right now, I am just going to be a friend to my husband who I want to start calling E.T. because I think my real husband was abducted by aliens and this is his replacement. Anyway, I want to make OUR home a safe place for him to come. I know the last couple of times he came to visit, it was like he didn't want to leave. I don't want to push him or anything. Believe me, there is nothing more I would like to do than to ask him to move back home. I am not sure he would do it, I don't know. Right now, I have his mother on my side. She is pulling for me. She is trying to get him to meet with her somewhere and talk about things. She already asked him if he really wanted a divorce and he said he didn't know. She asked him if he still loves me and he said yes. I am glad he knew the answer to that one! Phew! I don't know what to make of the "I don't know" answer! Anyway, I am just taking it slow, I think fast scares him. <P>I just had company so I am going to have to add more later!<P>Woozy