Oh my god, his wife just called me and told me that her husband told her that he loved me and wanted to be with me and she asked me if i was going to take him in, and if i loved him. it sounded to me like she was trying to push him away i don't know if this is normal or what.<BR>i told her how truley sory i was and i do want them to work things out and i didn't want to destroy their lives any more than i already have. she told me it was to late for that. i know that but i want to make things right now. she also said that i have it so easy i can just move on and they are the ones that have to deal with all the pain, oh how i wish that were true. i am so sorry for babbling but now i am not sure what to do if he shows up at my front door, like someone said, in another one of my posts I DON'T want her in my life for the rest of my life, but then again i love him dearly, aghhhhhhhh<BR>i am so screwed up. i want him to work on his marriage. what do i do if he shows up here and says she kicked him out. <BR>Oh how i am praying right now. <BR><P>------------------<BR>lost

It was the pain talking. She probably said many things that she doesn't really mean.<P>Be strong. If he shows up at your door, tell him that it's over between you and him. Do not let him enter your house. <P>Don't even open the door. Do you have a screen door that you can lock? <P>Be Strong. I know it's so very hard to turn away someone that you want so much. <P>Think about your future. <BR> <BR>Do you want a man that cheats on his wife?<P>Do you want to share a man with another woman?<P>Do you want to live with a man who has contact with the X for years to come?<P>Do you want to take a childs father away from that child?<P>This might sound harsh. I'm not trying to hurt you, I'm trying to give you the strength to resist him.<P>Let us know what happens.<P>Keo<P>

*hugs* Lost,<P>You have been on my mind lately wondering how you have been.<P>Gosh, what a dilemma! Take a deep breath and try to get thru this. <P>My first reaction is "lucky you!!!" I would without a doubt be the happiest woman on the face of the earth if the MM left his wife for me.....<P>but then my 2nd reaction is "poor you" because you have such a hard road ahead of you and some tough decisions to make if indeed his wife has kicked him out. <P>Maybe things will be different after everyone sleeps on it. Please check in tomorrow and let me know what has happened.<P>You're in my thoughts and prayers.<P>

If his marriage really is beyond repair (which is probably isn't) and you consistently refuse his advances, he will most likely eventually simply find someone else besides you or his wife to meet his needs.<P>Go ahead and make your fresh start and leave the other people to decide what to do with their own lives.<BR>

Dear Lost,<P>This is the time when you need to lean on Him most! You are not the same person you were only two weeks ago. Just from the words in your post, it is so evident that He has been working major changes within you. You have already begun your new life. Don't give in to the temptations of the old life!<P>I'm so proud of you for how you handled what must have been one of the most difficult conversations of your life. You said the right things, in the right spirit. It may not seem so now, but the words you chose will make it much easier for MM and his wife to begin their road to recovery.<P>MM will try to convince you that it is over with his wife. That's just the addiction talking. He doesn't understand what you do now. He also doesn't have God in his life the way that you do.<P>If you allow him back into your life, you will never know what would have happened if you did the right thing. Once he realizes that it is over between you, he may go back to his wife. It is possible that their marriage might never recover. But you have to give them every chance, or for the rest of your life you will carry the pain of not knowing what might have happened if you had been strong.<P>You know what to do. You know why to do it. Now you need to lean on His strength. <P>I will be praying for you throughout the day.<BR>Please post an update when you can.<P>Your brother in Christ,<P>BrokenButNotCrushed<P><BR>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{lost11}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm not posting a lot lately, too busy in recovery! But I felt the need to talk to you today.<P>I am truly very sorry for your pain. I have many friends here that I love very much and some of them are WS and OP. Your suffering is real and I do wish you didn't have to go through it. I really admire you for the position you've taken so far.<P>Just a perspective from this side for you to consider while dealing with this painful situation you've found yourself in.<P>My h "fell in love" with someone else last year. We had been having a rough time, not so much b/c our marriage was terrible, but b/c my mom was diagnosed and treated for cancer and my father was killed all in the space of a year or so (Papa died 13 days after Mom's last chemo treatment). We were the only family close by to take care of everything and it put a tremendous strain on us. H and Papa were very close (he never really knew his dad) and, instead of coming to me, he turned to someone else b/c he felt I had enough on my plate. The rest, you can guess.<P>On June 28, 3 months after Papa died, he told me he didn't love me as much anymore. One week later, he told me how very much he cared for this girl. On August 5, he moved out and by 9/1, in with her.<P>During that time, he tells me now, he told her and many others terrible things about me and our marriage. Now he says he doesn't even know why....they were not true, but it's how he felt at that time. He can tell me facts about that time of his life, but he can't even answer the "why's" for himself. He can't believe the things he said and did. You've been around here enough to have some idea what our daughter and I were going through.<P>The next 6 months were hell. There's no other way to put it. We went for weeks w/out hearing from him or seeing him. He wanted a divorce so that he could marry her. They opened joint bank accounts and saw an attorney about his adopting her daughter when they were married. They planned a home - all this very early in the relationship. But there came a time, that he realized he was not where he wanted to be. One day he woke up and realized he missed his family. He looked at her and couldn't figure out why he was where he was and what he was doing. The girl he saw was NOT the girl he had thought she was when he was in pain and looking for comfort. But he thought he was "stuck" and had lost his family. He tried to make it with PT, but was miserable and made her miserable as well. Around Christmas we started talking a lot and after the first of the year, he asked if I wanted him to come home.<P>Man, I never make a long story short! <P>Anyway, he's been home a month or so now and we're recovering. It's been wonderful and although there are bumps in the road, we are very happy and spend time every day telling each other how lucky we are to be together and have a second chance.<P>I guess, all I'm saying is that if PT had encouraged him to stay at home, rather than come to her, if she had refused him when he left home and came to her, all of us, including her, would have been spared much pain. I know it would have been hard on her then, too, but not as hard as it is now. This is a terrible thing to happen to everyone, including her. <P>You show so very much character and appear to be a nice person. No matter what he says he feels about his marriage, no matter what SHE says she feels about him and their marriage, it's not written in stone. These words are most likely due to the fantasy (for him) and the hurt (for BOTH!) <P>Be strong. Do what you know is right. You can't go wrong there. It's the best thing - for everyone concerned. It doesn't mean that they will recover, but it will mean that YOU will recover and feel better about yourself and your life, no matter what happens. <P>My prayers and best wishes go with you.<P>Love,<BR>Lori<P>

thanx for the advice (needed it desperatly) well he called and is telling me that if i don't want to take him then there was never anything between us and i don't really love him blah blah blah. which is of course not true and i don't know what to say to him when he says that. i just told him to work it out with wife and leave me alone, they think i have it so easy little do they know i am going crazy. thanx for posting lostva,and everyone else, i don't want that to happen to me. I honestly don't know what i would do without all of you helping me through this. my prayers are with you all. <P>------------------<BR>lost<p>[This message has been edited by lost11 (edited March 21, 2000).]