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#856697 03/21/00 12:00 PM
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Reina Offline OP
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<BR>I'm hoping someone can tell me if <BR>I'm crazy and obsessed.The OM <BR>just broke it off with me which <BR>was for the best and I know this.<P>But I can't stop thinking about <BR>him.Am I going through what is <BR>called "withdrawal?"I am so <BR>confused I"ve never cheated on <BR>anyone before and I really didn't <BR>think I'd do it married.<P>I can't stop thinking about what <BR>OM thinks about me.I feel so <BR>rejected.I feel he sees me as a <BR>bad person.Whats even worse is <BR>that he's the one that really <BR>persued me and I feel so stupid <BR>because I fell for it.<P>Shame on me for spending so many <BR>hours thinking of him and how he <BR>was just so perfect.When all <BR>along he probably wasn't taking <BR>it as serious as I was.It was the <BR>most humiliating moment in the <BR>world when he told me that "he <BR>just can't do this anymore"I felt <BR>like a puppy being kicked to the <BR>curb.Is that normal?<P>At that moment I could feel how <BR>much he wanted me out of his life <BR>and his face.And I have vowed not <BR>to talk to him again.I've deleted <BR>any evidence that he was ever in <BR>my life.It seems to have helped <BR>but I just cannot stop thinking <BR>about him.Will it ever go away?<P>I beleive that everything happens <BR>for a reason but I don't know why <BR>this happened.I am such an honest <BR>person and its just eating me up <BR>inside that I could be so selfish <BR>and heartless.The fact that I <BR>could hurt so many people just <BR>for a few moments of pleasure.<P>It's like even if I left H for OM <BR>it would never work because he <BR>could never be able to trust me <BR>and I couldn't live with that.It <BR>was all built on such a yucky <BR>foundation.<P>All I want to do is move on and <BR>rebuild my marriage but I'm <BR>scared.What if I have these <BR>temptations again?Will I ever <BR>stop thinking about OM? How long <BR>does it take?

#856698 03/21/00 12:24 PM
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NSR Offline
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Welcome <B>Reina</B>...<P>You have come to a good place... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000002.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P>For some clarity... a while ago... the "main" forum was divided into 4 separate "sub" forums...<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Just+found+out...&number=29&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Just found out...</A>...for those new the forum... pre/post "discovery" of an affair or possible affair.<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=Plan+A/Plan+B&number=30&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>Plan A/Plan B</A>...usually after "discovery of the affair"...for those with questions of "what to do now?"<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=In+recovery&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A>...when a commitment to work on marriage by both spouses has begun.<BR>We are being asked to post the forums that make the most sense with respect to our questions/vents and not just dump everything into the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/marriage/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&forum=General+Questions&number=28&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>General Questions</A> forum because it will give you the most responses! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>---------------------------------------------<P>About your post...<P>You truly are not alone...<BR>There are several new members here who are agonizing over the same things you are...<BR><B>Jill</B>'s posts in particular parallel what your going through... you can do a "search" for her posts and read up on her experiences.<P>Don't be scared to rebuild your marriage...<BR>...it'll be hard work... but worth the effort.<P>The memories of the OM will fade in time...<BR>...but it <B>will</B> take time... and there is no better person to do this than your H! This may(will most likely) require some counseling... especially if he is unaware of the affair.<P>The recovery will take time...<BR>...how much?...<BR>...as much time as it take you and your H to build a healthier set of "skills"...<P>MB can help!<P>Consider...a couple of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7200_phone.html" TARGET=_blank>telephone counseling sessions</A> ($85US a pop... but well worth it) with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7010_about.html" TARGET=_blank>Steven W. Harley</A> or Jennifer Harley. Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counseling Center</A>... and for some specifics... <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7015_fee.html" TARGET=_blank>Fees for Counseling Services</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7020_sched.html" TARGET=_blank>Scheduling an Appointment</A>!<P>Prayers... [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Jim

#856699 03/21/00 02:34 PM
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Reina Offline OP
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Thanks Jim for your reply.I nearly broke into tears because it felt so good to know that someone was listening and understands.I look forward to more responses from everyone.<P>Take Care

#856700 03/21/00 03:54 PM
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Reina,<BR> You'll find a lot of wisdom coming from NSR.<P> My wife betrayed me and she had a lot of the same problems. An affair is a fantasy that you can build up into whatever your mind wants. It is a powerful fantasy. My wife would talk to me about it and I could see the power this _______ had over her. I still to this very day would give my right arm to have that much influence over someone, anyone. This thing held on for a long time (5-6 months something like that) and I sometimes fear it may still be there. She now realizes what it actually was but I can't help but think it may still pop up from time to time.<P> I am still trying to understand what is going on in my life. With each post I read something else pops into my head.<P> Today, I believe my marriage is back on the right path yet I do see the trouble in it. I can say for sure that our marriage is stronger and better then it has been in a long time (Still not saying much). The point here is that if you try and rebuild your marriage you'll find it will grow and only the best is yet to come.<P> The day will come when you can honestly see whatever the OM really was in your life. Most of the time the OP fills a void that has become so wide that to have it filled again is wonderfull. It will make you feel like this person is perfect. After the cloud of the affair clears after the affair is out in the open your true feelings will start to show up. They don't show right away like I said 5-6 months in my case and I think I may have been lucky.<P> You have come to a good place for support just keep asking for help and ideas and you'll find it.<BR>

#856701 03/21/00 04:18 PM
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Reina,<P>I don't have much advice...but, I can tell you that I've had the same exact feelings as you. Feeling rejected, constantly wondering what the OM thinks of you, feeling used, wondering if you'll have these temptations again, wondering if you'll ever stop thinking of the OM. It is definately an obsession.<P>It takes ALOT of time. You will go through a roller coaster of emotions...you're feelings will change from minute to minute.<P>I just wanted to let you know that it will pass...but, there is no miracle, quick-fix cure. It takes time...and NO contact with the OM.<P>It's been 6 months since I've spoken to the OM and I think I've really moved on at this point. Things in my marriage have really improved and I'm positive and happy about my future with my husband again. <P>Take Care,<BR>Pam

#856702 03/22/00 06:01 PM
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Reina Offline OP
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Holly(Pam)<P>Thank you so much for your reply,It really gave me some more insight about the situation.Thank gosh someone else knows exactly what I'm going through.It's so hard and confusing.<P>One minute I can't stand the thought of OM,than later I start remembering past times together and I think "well it wasn't so bad" And I keep thinking of the humiliation I felt when he broke it off.I wish I could go back in time I would change everything.(maybe give him a piece of my mind)<P>But it's to late for that now and I must move on.Thanks for your insight.I guess I'll get through this "withdrawal" period in time.And yes I remember NO contact!<P>P.S.Thanks to (Getting Better) also for your post<P>


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