Today is the one year anniversary of my D-Day… <BR>When I first joined the forum, I received an incredible amount of support…<BR>…and so I continue my best to give back what I can.<P>I don't know if I'm any closer to saving my marriage…<BR>…on the surface… there has been no gain made…<BR>After a few months on the forum… I realized though…<BR>…that's <B>not</B> the reason I came here.<P>I came here to share with everyone my story of betrayal…<BR>I came here to hear others tell their stories too…<BR>I came for comfort… for understanding… for hope…<BR>I came for guidance… for respect… for dignity…<BR>…and after being here for 6½ months…<BR>I learned… I also came to give…<P>In the comfort, understanding, hope… I have not been disappointed.<BR>In the giving… I have also… not been disappointed.<P>You all… and I don't think I can exclude anyone who ever replied to me…<BR>Or received a reply from me to your posts… you all have…<BR>made a sensitive man… even more sensitive…<BR>made a loving man… even more loving…<BR>made a caring man… even more caring…<BR>…maybe even more important… you've…<BR>made a sad man… a lot more happy…<BR>made a quiet man… open up his heart and soul even more…<BR>made a stoic man… rediscover some humor he thought was lost…<BR>I think I've said it to most… we are here to grow…<BR>…first in ourselves!<P>I always knew I was a "giver"… the "taker" in me hides most of the time.<BR>I want you all to know… I will continue as a "giver" here.<BR>Yes… my taker will, every now and then, ask for…<BR>…your prayers<BR>…your thoughts<BR>…your sympathies<P>But I have to thank God for my "giver"…<BR>He gave me that as a gift… and it is one I will not lightly discard.<P>There are the skeptics…<BR>They come, they go, some stay…<BR>…and they say… "this is just a futile exercise"…<BR>…they call it "Nazi Cr@p"…<BR>…they say it "destroys the self-esteem"<BR>…they say it "it's too hard"… "I can't take it"…<P>For me… it gives my "taker" peace…<P>For those who know me… you know I am a fairly religious man…<BR>For the first few weeks on the forum…<BR>I had a signature with which I ended my posts/replies…<BR>an excerpt from the following song… from the play "Godspell"…<P>It inspires me, especially now during the Lenten season,<BR>to be not alone on this journey…<BR>to carry my pebble… in life… daring the discomfort…<BR>to look towards the new horizons… your stories tell of… yes… your stories…<BR>and to realize that even after an ultimate betrayal…<BR>…there will be life anew.<BR>- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -<BR><B>BY MY SIDE</B><P>Where are you going? Where are you going?<BR>Can you take me with you?<BR>For my hand is cold, And needs warmth<BR>Where are you going?<P>Far beyond where the horizon lies, Where the horizon lies<BR>And the land sinks into mellow blueness<BR>Oh please, take me with you<P>Let me skip the road with you<BR>I can dare myself, I can dare myself<BR>I'll put a pebble in my shoe<BR>And watch me walk (watch me walk)<BR>I can walk, I can walk!<P>I shall call the pebble Dare, I shall call the pebble Dare<BR>We will walk, we will talk together<BR>We will talk about walking<BR>Dare shall be carried, And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing, "Meet your new road!" <BR>Then I'll take your hand<BR>Finally glad, Finally glad<BR>That you are here<BR>By my side, By my side, By my side, By my side<P> (Spoken, by Judas) (Matt. 26:14-16)<BR>Then the man they called Judas Iscariot went to the chief priests, and said<BR>"What will you give me to betray Him to you?"<BR>They paid him thirty pieces of silver.<BR>And from that moment, he began to look out for an opportunity to betray Him.<P>By my side, By my side, By my side, By my side<P>- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -<P>My journey to discover if my path will be reunited with my wife's path<BR>…is not complete…<P>I will try and show the kind of patience I recommend to each of you.<P>And… again… I pray for His will to be done…<BR>…and for a humble acceptance by me…<P>In your words… I'll find His guidance.<P> <P>Jim<BR>- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Wow. Inadequate, silly perhaps. I am impressed with your perspective and your courage! Very inspiring...

Dear Jim -<P>Thank you for all you have said - you are so right in that your "giver" is a gift......<P>You have helped so many and although you may never know just how much - you will be rewarded ten-fold.<P>We love you, We thank you and we wouldn't be where we are without you!!<P>YOU are our gift!!!!!<P>I haven't moved too much forward with my H on the surface either.....but the growth of myself is more than enough for that "peace" that I craved when I first arrived here.<P>You and so many others restored my faith in humanity.....that people are still caring and compassionate in this oftentimes selfish world. That restoration can never be measured or repaid.....You saved my soul!!!<P>Thank you and God Bless You, for He has blessed us with you!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Jim,<BR>You do have a gift.You have helped so many people. You are a giver.Bless you .beth

I had to add:<P>the sun will rise<BR>in a few minutes.<BR>it's been doing it<BR>--regularly--<BR>for as long as I<BR>can remember.<BR>maybe I should<BR>pin my hopes<BR>on important,<BR>but often<BR>unnoticed,<BR>certainties<BR>like that,<BR>not on such relatively<BR>trivial matters as<BR>whether you will ever<BR>love me<BR>or not<BR>I must conquer my loneliness<BR>alone.<BR>I must be happy with myself<BR>or I have<BR>nothing<BR>to offer.<BR>Two halves have<BR>little choice<BR>but to<BR>join,<BR>and yes,<BR>they do<BR>make a<BR>whole.<BR>but two<BR>wholes,<BR>when they coincide. . .<BR>that is<BR>beauty.<BR>that is<BR>love.<P>James<BR>it has always meant something to me<BR>

Dear Jim,<P>What a beautiful post! <P>God delights in taking an ugly situation and bringing beauty out of it.<P>He has done that through you...<P>Your friend,<P>BrokenButNotCrushed<P>

I had to respond to you James...<P>Your poem...<P>It said something over and beyond it's beauty to me...<P>It started off with the sun rising...<P>Nobody knows this... about my forum handle...<BR><B>NSR</B> stood for <B>N</B>o more <B>S</B>un<B>R</B>ise... <BR><B>s</B>un<B>r</B>ise was my W's nickname on our 10th anniversary... in Aruba...<BR>when she left(spiritually, mentally,physically)... she was <B>n</B>o more...<P>Now I can think of it as... <B>N</B>ew <B>S</B>un <B>R</B>ising.<P>Thank you. <P>Jim

Jim,<P>You are a man amoung men. From what I've seen here on the boards you are one of the most honorable I've met.<P>I have to agree with what you ataed about these boards. I came here for answers, then realised what you stated and I found myself. I believe God <B>WILL</B> take care of us. They say He takes care of Drunks and Fools..I am guilty on both counts...LOL<P>I always wondered where you got your "handle".<P>I Love You Brother,<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

You have a kindred spirit here...that is one of my favorite songs too, one of my favorite musicals for that matter. I find myself singing it on occasion for no particular reason, but I think it is about the inner strength that we all possess and a lot of the time don't know it until we are faced with an almost unbearable challenge. And to remind us that we are not alone in this journey. <P>We are a group of people that will probably never 'meet' except for the words we type into this machine. But we are still linked by common experiences and possess an understanding of one another that is nothing short of amazing. <P>And we are here to hold your hand and walk by your side no matter where the journey may lead you, and we know that you are there right beside all of us as well.<P>V

I need a crying icon! We love you, too, Jim. That's all there is to it.<P>Lori

Jim,<P>Thanks for the inspiration. You are a jewel. No matter what, you are always here to offer support and comfort. I know you have to me. Thanks for everything. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

Jim,<P>You ARE a man among men. You and so many others here have reaffirmed my faith in humankind. I now know that there are caring and compassionate people still left in this crazy world!<P>((((((((((HUGS))))))))))<P>Mitzi

Hang in there NSR. You have the gift of spirit to make it through any ordeal.<P><BR>Big cyberhug sent your way.

Jim,<P>No matter how your story ends, you have every reason to be proud of your achievements.<BR>You have become a better person, father and hopefully husband again soon.<BR>You are an inspiration to many of us and a tireless soul, who helps all the new people with raw pain into this board, as well as offering well reasoned and good advice to the rest.<P>The best of hopes to you and your family, and I pray that your wife will see the light soon.

BIG HUGS...<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jim}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You are a special person, Jim.<P>Kathi

Dear New Sun Rising <P>Thank you for continually showing us the giver in you. I have seen your offerings to others and am in absolute awe with your dedication and efforts in reaching out.<P>Your taker should feel an incredible pride for the efforts you giver puts forth so endlessly.<P>Please know that my next statement is not to make light of your situation (it comes from my taker) - your wife's <B>loss</B> of someone so special has been our gain. <P>Treat yourself well on this day of reflection.<P>Cheers,<BR>Lisa<P>

A little something for New Sun Rising <BR> <A HREF="http://www.hallmark.com/hmk/Website/greeting.jsp?id=EG5161-617527-9103546" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hallmark.com/hmk/Website/greeting.jsp?id=EG5161-617527-9103546</A> <P>Thanks again, Jim, for everything.<P>------------------<BR>Allen<BR>sparky_dog_mb@yahoo.com

Jim, I like your new name.<P>Among other things it is the men like you on this forum that have helped me balance the sometimes screaming inside voice that all men are cheaters, liars and cannot be trusted.<P>Unfortunately, it is men, not humankind that have hurt me much in life. But I know there are good men, my repentant h is one, and you are one.<P>Thank-you, again. BTW, in case you do not return to my thread, I mentioned that I read the article you linked somewhere on forgiveness being a gift we give ourselves. It helped me gain some perspective, thanks again.

Thank you for helping me get through this day… <P><B>Younglove</B> (perspective…and focus on the "above"),<BR><B>Sheba</B> ("wisdom"…you too… a soul saver to many!), <BR><B>Beth</B> (may your troubles melt away…),<BR><B>James</B> (Ok… you got it out of me… great poem),<BR><B>BrokenButNotCrushed</B> (a true friend…),<BR><B>Bill</B> (dear brother),<BR><B>Victoria</B> (kindred sister!… commonality in faith!),<BR><B>Lori</B> (have a tissue… make the tears into smiles.),<BR><B>Keridwen</B> (with all your deep troubles… peace to you),<BR><B>Mitzi</B> (care and compassion to you…),<BR><B>Beth28</B> (the spirit leads the way…),<BR><B>SadMan</B> (lets pray for all… to see the light),<BR><B>Kathi</B> (yes… for those hugs!),<BR><B>Lisa</B> (…starting with my new/old handle… thanks),<BR><B>Allen and Cat</B> (…very nice card… you warm my spirits),<BR><B>Schizzo</B> (…have a great trip…)<P> <P>Jim/(New Sun Rising)

Jim / New Sun Rising, <P>Welcome to the "one year after discovery" club. <P>I think of you as the MB gate keeper. You offer comfort and encouragement to the souls in pain as they arrive at the door. <P>Jim you are a man among men. You've looked adversity in the eye, you took all it had to offer and stood your ground. That's not to say you felt no pain - on the contrary, anyone who goes through this feels the pain. But Jim, you were able to give beyond measure even when you yourself were hurting so badly. <P>Jim, you are "a good and faithful servant". The Lord WILL bless you and comfort you in His own way and His own time. <P>SHA