those of you who have kept up with my long gory story know there are more downs than ups, because of my H's chronic lying and my not plan A'ing.<BR>well, it seems as though he finally broke up with OW, or vice versa...either way...and things have been MUCH more pleasant around here.<BR>We have had HUGE financial problems (a big thanks again for all the prayers, H has some nice job offers rolling in), and im still dealing with my misdemeanor assault case (the stress of all the lies finally got to me and i hit him a few times, he called 911, but did not say anything, and the sheriff showed up and arrested me...my lawyer thinks i can get off pretty easy).<BR>anway, things are finally looking "up" financially, OW's gone, and im not in the constant hormone he!! ive been in since our shotgun marriage 3years ago and the 2 babies and breastfeeding have caused me since. im on antideps, so is he. i have a long trip planned to visit friends, i have a small weekend job at Target, im down to my girlish figure and gaining lots of self-esteem. H has actually apologized and begged my forgiveness repeatedly, we've had better sex than we've had in years, and we are being very friendly and helpful to each other. seems like a real burden has been lifted from my shoulders since OW's gone (he said she was gone for so long, yet was living with her, it caused me a total inability to cope...my heart knew the truth, i guess).<BR>H has finally started really noticing me (i.e., telling me how pretty and nice i am), so i guess some of the OW fog has lifted, and he does not have to think of me as evil b!tch woman all the time.<BR>We both want the best for our children.<BR>He has started to ease up on his talk of our needing "separation", yet both of us seems to know divorce is an option, and seem to be prepared for it.<BR>I think my getting away with the kids for a month or 2 will help him figure out what he really wants, and deal with his financial nightmares without my nagging (he has a compulsive spending problem, and the consequences have been pretty bad lately...can't pay the $6500 mortgage, for instance )<BR>well, im just feeling hopeful today, and i wanted to share. thanks for letting me

Yes, there is hope. <P>Might not be a good time for a trip, though, at least not for one or two MONTHS.

yeah, schizzo, i know it sounds weird, but he has been begging for a separation for years now, and getting away for a long trip might be the only way i can stave it off.<BR>the only problem is, i might not want to come back. he told me to register my car there---much cheaper-- and i told him i don't think he wants me to get THAT settled over there!<BR>we were apart, essentially, for a month while we moved into this unfinished house and the kids and i had to stay with various friends with spare bedrooms, and it was bad, but OW was REALLY still in the picture. there is just a small spark of hope that he is not lying THIS time and that she is really gone, and i need to give him what he thinks he wants right now if we are going to make any progress. i have fought any kind of separation tooth and nail in the past, and it never did any good, so..time to do a 180.<BR>a month or 2 would give him time to find us a new home or figure out if we can stay here or what. i am sick of him tearing my life up for his career goals and the compulsive spending, so going away would prevent big LB's in this trying time.<BR>wow, have i justified it enough? trying to convince myself? maybe....

The only benefits I have ever personally seen with separation is that the household tension decreases, it is easier to Plan A if you know it will only be for a couple hours. And, I think this last time, my H realized what his life would really be like without me, because, although not Plan B, I was not as accessible to him as I had been (I was on the verge of divorce, considering the marriage over).<P>But if he really wants to leave, you can't stop him. All you can do is figure out how you will deal with it.<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10