I think thats what my H wants....If youve seen the movie you know what I mean.<P>Wednesday, I asked H if he was taking OW to a wedding he was in this weekend, H told me he hadnt told her she could go yet (he did end up taking her). H told me he told her she could not go to an event that he wanted me & son at. I asked him, what is she a robot??? I think he wants someone who will never question him, disagree or make any requests to him - Hence ...stepford wife.. <BR>Oh well.<P>I am very angry at him right now. I have been trying to forgive him almost from d day but finally realized that he has continued to lie, lie and lie even when he was swearing the truth and its like rubbing salt in an open wound. I am doing a lousy plan A. period. I will begin to treat him with respect. Its a "just do it" thing and it is starting to sink in. It is hard not to ask him about OW. He has lied so much to me about her and I let it drive me nuts. I am finally on antideps for the last 4 days. I understand it may take a few weeks for them to begin to help. I still dont sleep worth a darn.<P>H picked up our baby (8months old) Sunday in OW's car. I wanted to scream. (and kick and yell and key it and smash its convertible roof in...etc. ). I was ignorant and made a snide remark about her needing a bigger car once the OC is born...auuuuugggg!<P>H is soooo depressed. It is in his eyes so clearly. About 1 year after we married, he began a serious walk away from Christ. His smiles were less. They didnt go into his eyes anymore. He looked sad. He just kept trying to do more "stuff" away from me and our marriage. H told me once he wanted God at the head of our marriage, he said if he did that, instead of trying to fill his life with work and his hobbies, then he would be satisfied. He never took that step though. I am daily reminding God of that. H told me Sunday he was depressed...was having a bad day. I asked if he and OW werent getting along, "no, nothing like that" he said... His eyes were so teary and I said I thought hes been depressed for a few years, he agreed. He looked at a picture of him on our honeymoon and said "I dont look sad here". I agreed. I showed him the picture of H holding our son the first time and said his eyes were sad in it.<P>I did ask him to sign the separation papers, he said he'd look at them overnight. He was trying so hard not to cry. I asked him if he thinks he will be happy once we divorce, no he said. I asked if OW will make him happy, no again. I believe that only Jesus will make him happy (but i cant talk about God to him anymore). He has turned away from Him. I cannot imagine anything but misery as a result of that. <P>Once our son was in his whorefriends (oops) car, He turned to me and held me tight and he cried. I held him hard until he let go. I cried when he left. I am so sad for him. I wish and hope and pray he will get help. I pray OW will not fulfill him and their relationship will fail...soon.<P>Thanks for letting me ramble. I know I am all over the place. My mind has been on a racetrack since Sunday at 3:30 (actually since 4/2/00 -dday). I needed to vent.<P>Thanks,<BR>Kris<BR>

Kris...<P>Give time for those anti-deps...<P>In general talking about OW is 99 and 44/100% of the time going to be a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> discussion.<BR>...the <I>"converse"</I> of the saying is "just don't do it" (pun intended)<BR>...my kids call that "dad" humor.<BR>But seriously... don't bring up the OW at much as is humanly possible... wrt OC.<P>Separation papers don't bring to mind hapy feelings either...<BR>...of course even this hasn't taken him to rock bottom.<P>Vent away...<P>Praying for you and all concerned... <P>Jim

Thanks Jim,<BR>You are in my prayers today. I hope a miracle happens for you before your court time.<BR>Kris

Forgive me. I don't really know your story, but from reading this post, it sounds like your H may want to come home. Is there a way to delay this separation, be in Plan A for awhile and ask him to come home?<BR>

I don't suppose he would consider anti-deps?

NoTrust,<BR>Thanks for your reply. My H has been "considering" coming home since he left to pursue his affair in November. I think he has only said that to delay any action on my part. OW is now 5+months pregnant. H told me yesterday he does care for OW (has told me he loves her too in the past) and doesnt want to hurt her. Inside of course Im screaming....WHAT ABOUT ME??????? DONT YOU CARE ABOUT HURTING ME???????.<P>I think the legal separation is necessary, H is beginning to waver on the financal support we agreed to and is making noise about wanting Joint legal custody. I would love to not go this route, my alternative is to do nothing or divorce. I am not strong enough to do nothing since OW is pregnant and he is seriously hooked. I will wait a while longer before a divorce. I hope that we can still reconcile at some point. I know neither of us wants a divorce at this time. I keep getting closer each day though.<P>Kam6318,<BR>I have been broaching the anti depressant subject s l o w l y... (a small miracle for me ). I even told him yesterday that often, a byproduct of a major life change (our baby) and/or depression can be an affair. I let that hang. H still respects some of what I say so maybe he will think about that. I told him a few weeks ago that I was depressed and was thinking about going to a "shrink". H was not supportive of that and said that was unnecessary and not very smart on my part. I have not told him yet (in part because I dont want it to affect my custody "ability") that I have since gone to one. I will be mentioning it to him on occassion, if only to keep planting the seed. He seems to be realizing that he is depressed so maybe he is thinking about anti-deps now.<BR>Kris