Hi.<P>I haven't posted here in a while, but I have been lurking.<P>Today is Saturday. This is the first Saturday in weeks that my husband and I have not had someplace to go or something to do. <P>My husband is asleep on the couch. As I watched him sleep for a few minutes, I wondered how I could have betrayed such a beautiful human being (beautiful inside and out). I wondered how I became so wrapped-up in myself that I forgot about the man who loved me so much that he stood in front of God and our friends and family to make promises to me. I made promises to him, but I broke them.<P>On most days, the ugliness of what I did seems far away. But today, the ugliness is very real and very near.<P>Many years ago when my grandmother was young, she cheated on my grandfather. My grandfather had suffered an injury that left him pretty helpless in lots of ways. My grandmother got dressed-up on Saturday nights and left my grandfather so that she could go and find other men. When I first learned of her affairs, I detested her. I remember thinking, "How could she have done that to my grandfather??" He was helpless and she took advantage of that helplessness. I'm no better. While my husband was "asleep" emotionally and unaware of our marriage problems, I cheated on him. Wow...I can't believe that more than a year ago, I was the person who was capable of such horrible things...<P>Anyway, those are my thoughts today...I just needed to share that...<P>Otherwise, my marriage is slowly but surely improving. Sure, there are still struggles, but I think that everything will be alright.<P>Peace to all,<P>Jill<P>NoMas...[censored]...Lacee...Where are you??? How are you???