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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 218
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 218
<<<hey, you were right, we are not enemies.<BR>i just want to tell you that you can feel secure that you are truly THE love<BR>of cliff's life. i just found out you met his family formally (would you<BR>believe he spent $800 to get me that ticket to hawaii for easter?!?!?<BR>amazing). they never seemed to think much of me, but they seem like nice<BR>enough folks.<BR>listen, i don't know why he's telling me he loves me and wants to work it<BR>out with me, but he is, and im sorry for it. it's a ridiculous joke. (he<BR>said he was afraid of losing both of us once, so that's why he would not<BR>divorce me, so he'd at least have SOMEONE).<BR>listen, as a good mother, too, you can understand my concern on this one<BR>issue: would you mind not seeing my children quite yet? i don't want them to<BR>become attached to someone till it is really carved in stone. it seems that<BR>is the case where you're concerned, but i really don't want to risk their<BR>emotional health at this fragile time in their lives. i appreciate your<BR>understanding on this one.<BR>i want to apologize for my angry and childish behavior in the past, but i<BR>was monumentally confused by cliff's telling me he wants me, while clearly<BR>acting otherwise. i just let my emotions take control for awhile.<BR>anyway, cliff goes on and on about how similar we are, and how we'd make<BR>great friends. im not completely closed to the idea, as my dad's first two<BR>wives have been great friends for years. you are obviously a great mother,<BR>and cliff loves your girls dearly.<BR>i wish you the best, and i hope this whole mess gets straightened out as<BR>quickly as possible.<BR>good luck,<BR>julie>>><P>I just had to get this all on the table, im sick of H jerking us both around, so what do you all think? he's told me flat out that whatever she and i discuss is not his business, and i think he's wanting us to fight it out and make his decision for him. im not playing that game anymore.<P>everyone have a great weekend, and please don't use me as an example, most betrayers are not as sick as my stbx (yes, no matter how bad it seems, it can always be worse, i have not forgotten the blessings ive received, but i can't do this anymore).<BR>julie

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 297
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Posts: 297
My advice is to wait 24 hrs before sending anything to OW. What is the reason you are writing her rather than dealing directly with husband? Its true, husband may want the two women fighting over him, but that makes him a conflict avoider and you are playing right into his hand. I also sent OW letter in the beginning, and it made no difference to her or now ex. We have never met or spoken in person, and as I told you in previous post, we have been divorced for 3 yrs and they are engaged to be married. She has attended some of my daughter's soccer games, but avoids me like the plaque. Just make sure what your real purpose is in sending her the letter and what are your expectations from it.

Joined: May 2000
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I don't think you owe her anything, least of all explanations, courtesy, or apologies. Let them work out their stuff in whatever way they can. Why make it easy on him? She probably will find some nefarious reason for your letter anyway and won't trust you.<P>Speaking of which, what is your real reason for writing this? I am a great letter writer and have written some things that I feel express my soul completely. I always felt it is best to let people know how you feel, but you know what? I have learned that it isn't always true. Write for you, if you must, but I'd stay away from having any type of relationship with the woman who destroyed your life. I don't see how it would benefit you.<P>The other thing is, your motive may not be what you think it is. I've gotten caught in that one too. It's easy to say your are doing things to "help" someone else when the motive is truly selfish in some way.<P>If you are set on sending it, wait a day or so and see if you don't change your mind.

Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 218
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oh, i sent it as soon as i wrote it.<BR>1) i DID want to make her a smidgen jealous (he told me she is super jealous of me)<BR>2) i did the same thing she did, playing on the "we're in this boat together as women" (ive been married 3.5 years, and he's known her 3 years, and we have these encounters about every year, when she contacts me for the truth of the situation)<BR>3) i DO want her sympathy as a mother, that i have some control over who my children associate with. she once went on and on to me about how she learned to like her kids' stepmom....<BR>4) i have called her during more stressful periods...nothing rude, but just to let her know i DO still exist, and he's not divorced me yet, so i was apologizing for that, in particular.<BR>mostly, i had to set an example for myself to live by. <BR>to be honest, she disgusts me to no end...on so many levels she is simply immoral, but my H loves her, and im sure it won't be long before she's on his answering machine, so i might as well be civil and rise above them.<BR>i'm going to hasten the divorce at this point...like, get a lawyer [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]. ive written to my brother, to get his pre-agreement to finance me (i had previously shut myself off from my family at H's request. how sick is that?), and am considering moving to H's condo in hawaii to be near my folks after i get the divorce started in california (im in texas now, things are tough to do at a distance. ugh)<BR>db--there is nothing i can say to H. i honestly believe he is not in contact with reality...EVER. ive spoken to his exwife and ex girlfriend, and he's been like this a LONG time. i pray that OW has at least a small grasp of reality, and i think she needs to know a bit of the truth (im not kidding, last year she called me, and we had a conference call with him, and he went on and on about how i had signed divorce papers when we sold our house, and just did not know it!!! soooo bizarre...)<BR>popeye-you did make me think about my motive, at least, which is what i wrote above. i think she is almost as sick as he is, but i know she is here to stay. i doubt she'll respond, as she never did to my perfectly business-like requests that she get her &^%%$#@^&^%#%% piano out of my dining room (it's followed me to 3 houses now, i call it the giant engagement ring...or like a dowry, i guess).<BR>im in a good place now...completely indifferent to the poor man. he's made his bed, and he can lie in it. im just going to email some lawyers this weekend and see what i can do about getting this mess of his taken care of...and get my kids the heck away from him (he seems to think he's getting custody...what a doofus! he's made about 10 minutes of effort to be with them their whole lives, and taken them to the soul-enriching mall during half those minutes, and OW's house the other half [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] ).<BR>anyway, don't want to wear out anyone's eyeballs, and i have to go to my highschool reunion dinner soon (i made one guy vote for me as most eligible bachelorette [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] )<BR>hugs to all and thanks for letting me vent,<BR>julie<P>------------------<BR><A HREF="http://www.go.to/wcu" TARGET=_blank>loveWASblind</A>


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