This next Wednesday it will be 3 weeks since my last counseling session. I miss the weekly sessions...my Dr. makes me feel good about myself without my really knowing it which is why he makes $85 a session. He is very good for me and has helped me change me for the better.<P>Friday I was very down because some of the email and chat that I was monitoring. I was called an ex by W. It really got me down all day. After work I was sitting on the couch feeling bad and trying to divert that with a little baseball when she walks in. We are separated and I usually know when we will meet and when she will come by, but this caught me off guard. I was not prepared. She came in and saw me down and asked if I was having Dr.____ withdrawals....she has always made fun of him and she quit going some time ago. I just gave her a look of non-appreciation of her humor and snapped some remark off quickly without thinking. It was a minor lb but more important I missed a chance to plan A. I don't get that many. I wrote an apologetic email and I thought that would be that. Here is the email and reply.<P>______________________________________________________________________________<P>I am sorry for snapping at you last night. I was having one of those not so good days and was feeling down at the time. I did not see the humor of your remark about Dr. ______. I was just being to sensitive to the issues at the time and I apologize. <P>Thanks for coming over to see Kole(one of our dogs) I have to take him back this morning for a dressing change.<P>I Love You!<P>Love Always!!<P>J<P>Jim,<P>That's okay...everyone has crappy days. Sorry I said the wrong thing at the<BR>wrong time! I'm good at that sometimes. Hope you are feeling better now anyway.<P><BR>I have been meaning to tell you, but the time has not seemed right, that Fred<BR>is coming to visit me towards the end of the month. He has business down this<BR>way so is going to stop and stay with me for several days. I have told Kallie,as I do not want her to feel uncomfortable if she would come over and find some man sitting in the living room. I have just told her that he is one of my friends from England over here for a visit. She thought that was fine.<P>I do not want to embarrass or hurt you Jim and I will not "parade" all over<BR>town with him, But, someone might see us together and make a comment so I wanted you to know about it. I am sorry if this makes you feel bad, but I did tell you several months ago that he probably would eventually come.<P>I'll see you later.<P>Cathy<P>P.S. Had to take the car in. Alternator died again and it may also need a<BR>battery. Won't know until late today.<BR>______________________________________________________________________________<P>I wrote an apology email to try to minimize the lb and she uses it to kick me again to tell me that OM is coming from England. I already new this without her knowledge and she is lie about when he is coming....he will be here next week (13th) not "towards the end of the month". I don't like him here obviously, but he has been here twice before. She does not think I know this and I want her to continue to think that since he hides him while he has been here in the past while she still does things with D and me.<P>What really bothers me about this is she is going to introduce him to D (email monitoring). D is 17 and pregnant and just broke up with the father and started college 4 weeks ago...she has enough on her plate. She does not know about the A and we both wanted to keep it that way. If she spends a little time with the two of them (even though she has told him to say and do nothing that would tip her off to the A...email monitoring) their body language will give it away and I believe she will find out at one of the worse times. I want to protect her from that.<P>So I have to have a talk to try to convince her not to introduce D to the love of her life...yuk! I am really down, and on top of this it is my B'day today and so now I have a double dose of feeling down and sorry for myself while W and D and I go to Church together. I have to snap out of it or I will LB with both of them.<P><BR>Sorry, just a little venting here.<P>Love and Prayers to All!!<P>J W

Hi J Willy -<P>You did well to come here and vent it all out to us instead of holding it in and having a yucky day!!!!<P>HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!<P>Do your best to push this to the back of your brain today......please?<P>You have the power to have a good day if you want to...all the "thinking" and/or<BR>sulking pity parties in the world will not change what your wife is going through, so what good does it do?<P>You have to decide to live with as positive an attitude as possible and that will shine through to those around you......people are drawn to "up" people, right?<P>I know it sucks, JW.....believe me I know!!!! But I also know that I can let this hell lead me or I can stand up and start thinking and leading myself towards the goals that I want......<P>Try to approach your Wife about not introducing "english guy" to D if you feel better doing so....not today though!!!! TODAY is JW's BIRTHDAY!!!<BR>He should have a good time!!!!!<P>Now, get your little fanny off the "p" pot and give glorious praise that your Mother squirted you out into this world and you are alive, healthy, have a D that needs you and have the sanity to realize that you can actually "feel" the pains, joys, hurts, love, etc. right now because that means that you ARE ALIVE!!<P>Do something special with this day!!!<P>BIG BIRTHDAY HUGS,<P>Sheba

Sheba<P>Thanks so much for your post. I read it after Church but was not able to respond to it. It helped a tremendous amount to read it and it did keep me from lbing. I did nothing about talking about OM and we had a great day together. There are still way too many mixed signals but there were some baby steps here too. This is only 4 months old and from what I read this is about on target as far as time goes. She is still very much in love with other man and while nothing was said her actions and body language tell me she is not sure. She spent the day with me and lied to him about where she was at and made not contact to him for the day.<P>The three of us had Church together, brunch at a restaurant, watched the Cardinal game (while D slept), barbequed at home, and watched TV until 10 pm together. The best was watching "The Horse Whisper" together while lay on our couch. There was no holding each other but if you have seen this movie, it parallels what happened to us in not all, but many ways. I am sure she interprets it differently than I do but the meaning in most instances is the same for both of us. The movie has special meaning since we use to go to a ranch like that each year and participate in the cattle branding, cattle drive, working and training the horse, sitting around camp fires, and riding, etc.<P>Towards the end of the movie I took and squeezed her hand and told her I loved her. It was a special moment (our D had gone to bed before the movie) we were alone and it seemed appropriate. I tell her I love her after each phone conversation, each email, and each meeting. I have called her a couple of times to tell her I was just thinking of her and that I loved her. I never get a response and last night she did not tell me she love me back when I said that, but I could tell by her tears and other body language that I at least affected her.<P>When she left we hugged tightly for a long time and kissed once. I asked her to stay... she said she could not...I said sure she could...she said no and then I let her leave. It was still a good moment.<P>I had as good as birthday as I could have hoped for under the circumstances and I owe it all to you for your good advise from my venting post. I appreciate you more than you could know...thank you from the bottom of my heart. Yesterday may have been a crossroads. A small one perhaps, but never the less a crossroads, and I am truly thankful you were there to steer me in the right direction when I needed someone.<P>I still have to deal with the OM's presence in my D life but I think that will be a little easier now.<P><BR>Love and Prayers for You and Your Family!!<P>J W

Oh, JW...I'm so sorry you're having such a down time.<P>I think you're handling the situation marvelously. I only wish I could do so well in your shoes.<P>Hang in there. I know that you will find the right words to talk to your wife about the OM/D issue. I agree that if you two agreed not to mention the affair to her she shouldn't be introducing him to your d.<P>Hang in there. --HBC