The good news is that I'm now head geek in charge of my tiny little corner of the universe at work. I manage a whopping two (count 'em!) two people and I am now the one responsible for a project that is behind.<P>Lots of stress. No more cash, but a possibility for a better bonus year-end.<P>And it's causing home stress. <P>I know one of the emotional needs that Dr. Harley talks about for women is supposed to be a need for financial security. I've never felt that need. Is there a correlating need for men to be the providers? Am I ruining my marriage my exceling at work?<P>H has told me that he couldn't be happier. I think he honestly is proud of me. But...he isn't a manager. I've been pulling in more than him and now it looks like he won't catch up any time soon. There's just a hitch in his voice and body language when I come home. And when I try to explain why I'm stressing about it, he tells me how this just shows how the powers that be think I'm great.<P>We both work for the same company, though on completely different projects in different towns, even (really big company). But...he's been working at the company about a year longer than me. <P>I keep worrying that the little junior engineer he was boffing at his work is going to start looking attractive again because of this....<P>Help? --HBC

Thank you all so much for your support.

<BR>Sarcasm noted. <P>My W recently (2 months ago) started a full-time job in the same field I've been in for 15 years. She's much smarter and more efficient than I am, and she walked into a position that will give her the experience to nearly match my income in the next year. I'm delighted, though I'd be lying if I said that it didn't make me nervous.<P>My take is that somehow, I've got to adjust - and so does she. She isn't very happy about working, though the job is a good one. She'd much rather be at home making cookies. She's working because we are deep in debt and without her income, we'd be fighting off bill collectors with a stick. In about 2 years, we'll be out of debt and making cookies will again be an option, as long as we don't take on more debt between now and then.<P>Personally, I don't think you doing well at your job would drive him into Jr. Engineer's arms, especially if you are sensitive about his feelings - and you obviously are. Look for signs of fear and actively comfort him in those areas. Classic Plan A. If you make more than he does, make sure that he sees where the money goes. He ought to appreciate that, especially if it means a toy or a treat for him.<P>Good luck.<P><BR>Slightly Sane<BR>

Hi HBC,<P>As a SAHM, I din't answer because I just don't have much experience with this sort of thing, but have to say my H would probably be pouting too.<P>Ok, this is the thing...build him up. If you have a problem at work, ask your H how he'd handle it...heck. Yeah, I know you know your stuff and don't really need H's opinion, but really, what would it hurt? Make sure you ask him about his job...a lot. If you do start to make a little more $, ask H how he thinks you guys should spend/invest it.<P>And HBC, Congrats!!! You are doing great out there, and the powers that be can see it! I will be trying soon to find work after many years of being home with kids, and hope I can find something I do well. I think my H will be proud of me when I do and I bet yours is proud of you. Just take care of his ego. <P>allison

Thanks for the input, "Slightly" Sane and allison. I wish you two had been right.<P>I keep trying to write about what has happened, but I just can't.<P>Woo hoo. I'm Plan A-ing. That's me. Plan A woman.<P>

HBC,<P>You ok? What's up? I am troubled by your last post and a bit worried. <P>Post when you can.<P>allison

Allison:<P>H is just a turkey. That's all. Nothing new. Just new side dishes.<P>Oh, h-e-double-toothpicks. I've tried to write it about ten different times and I can't get there from here.<P>It's not to be worried about. It's just to be Plan A'ed about. I'm embarrassed and disappointed and tired out of my brain. He didn't go back to Jr. Engineer. He didn't sneak a new internet romance. Things just didn't go the way I would think they should.<P>I do owe you and O2B a more detailed response to your initial posts, which I really do appreciate. I tried asking him about what he would do with one of my challenges (one of my two employees is "stuck" on a business trip) and didn't get particularly helpful responses. I'm not sure if he was trying not to step on my toes or if he thought I was "rubbing his nose in it."<P>O2B: Thanks for your advice. I think my H is more insecure about it than I had thought. I have made more money than he does for quite a while; he is just convinced that he will never catch up now. Most of it goes to "our" credit card debt. (Half of us hardly ever carried a balance on her credit cards before we got married.) <P><sigh> I'm wondering if I should have politely demurred on this promotion. <P>Thanks. Sorry to have worried you, Allison. --HBC