Hey guys,<P>I went to the counselor today. I talked to her for about an hour. She of course knows all the background in this marriage. <P>She asked me if she gave me a thousand dollar bill right now, would I take it and leave? I thought about that for a minute. <BR>I said no. Im not ready to give up yet. I am going to try one more time. She referred me to the marriage counselor so my insurance would cover it. THANK GOD!!!! I know H woudlnt go then.<P>So I call H and tell him that we go see the counselor the 29th. He says "what". I said "yeah, i made the appointment". "Are you going with me"? he said that we may go he didnt know. He might change his mind. It is hard for him to talk to people. Well, hell like I want to go into this myself! <BR>So we have to wait until that day to go. Then if he is up to it then he will go. <BR>So this is where we are. I honestly dont think taht he will go.<P>My counselor told me today. That you have alot of homework in that course. And that alot of times if they were going to make it then they would come back the second time. She said sometimes when they see the work involved in it. They throw there hands up and say forget it. Because one of the partners are worn out emotionally.<P>Does anyone know what is involved?<BR>What are some of the plans that they teach?<BR>What are they going to talk to us about?<P>I need the prayers this way!! <BR>Im ready to pack and roll!!<P>God Bless<BR>Renee <P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Inamess,<P><BR> My wife went to therapy for a few months and it did her a great deal of good and our marriage a whole lot of bad. <P> I believe that when someone is down and out and seek the advice of a "pro", they expect to hear all the right things. Unfortunetaly, not even a "pro" has all the right answers. <P> My wife had been having an affair the whole time and i knew nothing about it. I'm not saying therapy was the blame, but it gave her the courage to put her selfish needs before her family and her marriage. <P> She had been having an online affair with a man she had never met. Therapy taught her to follow her heart and end our marriage to be with a man she had never even met. <P> Co-Dependency was one of the major issues in her sessions. That is something i will never understand. He recommended she buy a specific book on the subject and read it through. The book strayed so far from what Co-Dep really is.<BR>Remember, anyone can write a book, even a "pro". Basically, the book was very self centered, selfish, and twisted the truth about Co-Dep. <P> See the article>>>How Co-Dep is ruining marriages..........<P> Again, therapy was not the cause, the affair was, but it was the gateway to pursuing her affair and ending our marriage without the guilt, and anxiety she was experiencing. <P> It helped her to decide on leaving her family who loves and needs her so badly for a man she has never met. I will never understand it. Therapy only added to the "fog" so just be careful.<P> I have a sister who is also currently seeing the same therapist. She says he is a very warm, charming and compassionate man which makes it so much easier to believe in his words. A bad therapist, a very good listener, and a great man all wrapped into one.<P> Today,she still lives here and will soon be leaving to start a life of her own. She talks to Om every day and meet occasionally cause he lives in another state. Thats whats become of our marriage and family. <P> Be careful and you be the judge of whats right and wrong. I wish you lots of luck and hope things work out for ya......<P>

WhoIam,<P>I hate to hear of the pain that you are going through. I am so sorry that you have to experience this.<P>My therapist has bben my therapist for the past 3 years. I had to see her when H and I first started haeving problems. She basically just listens.<BR>I have ADD. SO that is a big issue that she helps me with. I talk to her alot about self-discipline. That is a big thing with ADD.<BR>I am hoping that I can go through with marriage counseling. I am about at the end of my rope though.<P>H and I did go eat dinner tongiht. He was a sweet-heart. I thought to myself"How could I turn this away". I just want to cnnect emotionally.<P>I am praying for you Who, I hope things take a turn for the better on your part. Turn for the worse on her part.<P>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

My husband and I have been going to marriage counseling on and off for the past 3 years...and although we still have our problems, I have a question posted in this forum, I know we for sure would not still be together today, It seems like the only times in our marriage when a crisis arises are the times we arent in therapy together, we havent gone in a year, and we are going through a ordeal right mow. You can bet we will be seeing our therapist ASAP...I really do believe that it is the best investment you can make in a marriage...It really does teach you to put things into a perspective to resolve and undestand things better...it's not a magic bullet but it can really help...Tell your husband that it is really painless..he should has to go in order for it to work for you as a couple..I would suggest just counceling for you if he decides not to go..It could be a godsend..praying for you...LisaLou

Inamess,<P> It sounds like things are looking pretty good for ya. I hope your husband can someday appreciate all of your efforts that your putting into saving your marriage and wish the both of you lots of luck.<P> Thank you so much for the support..<BR>I had been Doing this whole plan a thing with my wife for a while and it proved more painful in the end. She was acceptant to all the love and affection i could give. Then, out of the blue, she asked me to stop all of it, leave her alone and go on with my life without her. <P> Qoute>>>"Stop trying to be superman and feel like you have to fix everything". <P> That one hurt. Since then, i have done just that and she's happy. I come, she goes, not a word said. To her, our family and our marriage isn't important enough to try and "fix". <P> Anyway, I hope things work out for ya and the fog clears forever. As long as theres hope, and it seams like there is, Hang on tight. Take care.....Good Luck...

Inamess,<P>Hang in there! When this mess started, I went to counseling myself and begged H to go with me. He refused, then the next day he said he'd think about it. When he eventually decided, it was to appease me. He basically told the counselor that he didn't want to work on the relationship. He moved out (not with OW) and didn't hear from him for a month and a half. <P>I'll cut to the chase, another month and a half of just talking he decides that he'd be willing to go to counseling, but with reservations. We've gone to one, and have another scheduled. Although we both thought the first one went well, each session will be a session to session thing. The therapist wants us both to commit to at least 12. I'm willing, and he said okay in the office, but later he wasn't sure.<P>All I know is, counseling would probably be better if both are willing to put in the work. <P>My heart goes out to you! I understand how difficult these times are. Keep praying!<P>sdn<BR>

WhoAmI,<P>I was just wondering. Is she going to leave the kids with you so she can go with OM?<P>WOW! You mean that a man would want a woman thta would leave her children for him? Not to say that your W is a bad person. Im not a bad person either. The A brings out the worst in a person anyway. It is like you dont even know them. <P>I just couldnt imagine aomeone wanting a person that was leavng her children behind.<BR>I guess it takes all kinds to make the world go around.<P>I wish you the best WhoAmI!!!<P>You know that we are all here if you need us.<P>I can tell you this though. You wait until the "New wears off and the Old shines through". You better bet that he will be hsitory. It really does die within time. <BR>Then she will be wanting it all back.<BR>She will also miss the kids so bad she csnt stand it..<BR>So that will fix her red wagon.<P>WhoAmI, I know that we are preached about Plan A on here. I think though that sometimes people are different. Your W may be the type that if you threw her out on the street and told her to starve. Then she would probably come back to you in a second.<P>I think we all get worn out from plan A. I am not saying that it doesn twrok at all.. It does. I just think that it isnt right for some people. Plan A would never work with my H. If i toldhim how ****ty he was then he would be here in a second. That is what he was raised on was critisism.<P>Take Care WhoAmI!<BR>I wish you the best<BR>Renee<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Inamess, <P> we have a 3 year old daughter that is my pride and joy. we are very, very close. It is because of her that i have managed thus far. My family is my world.<P> I work days and my wife works nights so she will be her for her when i leave for work and till i get home.<BR>It's kinda like that now so it won't be much different for my daughter and thats a good thing. I don't want her to suffer any more than she has to.<P><BR> We have been living in our new home now for 14 months. my daughter now has freedom she never had....A fenced in yard to play, a swing set, a pool, a dog and a family neighborhood to be brought up in. <BR>We both agreed that she would stay here with me in her best interest and i wouldn't have it any other way if i can help it. It wouldn't be fair to her. She's all i have left and doesn't need a step dad!!!<P>I know that she's probably read some of my posts here and don't really care cause i speak the truth. I mentioned in an earlier post how very distant she's been to me and our daughter for over two years now and i believe she read it cause suddenly she trying really hard to be extra mom like. Guilt maybe??? I think so. well, it seams fake!!! The smiles seem forced, the tone sounds shaky, and the laughter is weak. <P> It all came so natural to her when my daughter was just a year old and she was a GREAT mom. Then came online and all was lost. <BR> <BR> I would take my daughter outside to play ball, for walks in her stroller, to the park, or just spend time with her. She would come sometime but not often. While we were gone, the account log from Aol would be ticking.....<P> All her energy would be spent online. Those nearly 3 years were filled with lots of angry outbursts and withdrawels from her. You are right, the A brings out the worst and it brought out a side of her i could have never imagined. <P> Again, i'm not saying i didn't fail to meet some of her emotional needs, i am human, but that was deffinetely mutual. I simply don't have any more to give here. I guess once she's gone from this house it won't be much different anyway, just me and daughter. <P><BR> I thank God every night for that cause i couldn't imagine not having her here with me. She needs me as much as i need her. I'm confident that i will find the strength to pull through this and carry on with my daughter. <P> I will continue to do the very best that i can for whats left of my family. We will miss mom very much. <BR> I cry like a baby at the very thought of that. ( like now...lol) <P> Anyway enough blabing for now.......thanx again Inamess.........You are all great support here and i'm so glad i found MB.......<P> Bye for now........

WhoIam,<P>You are right! Your main concern at this point is your daughter. That should be the concern. Of course, you want to keep Mom as well. However, Mom has made the choice.<P>I know that you ahve that strength inside you. Just look down into that caring heart that you have and pull that strength out. I promise you have it there. You just need to dig it out and use. you probably havent had to use this much of it before.<BR>Feed off your daughter since she is your world. That should be all your concern is right now. <BR>The Plan A thing is up to you. That is something that you haev to make the decision on. You know my opinion on plan a.<P>I to am suppose to be Plan Aing. You know what! WhoIam, I really at this point dont have it in me to plan A. I dont think that I have enough love in my heart to plan a. That may sound cruel. I am just being honest!<BR>I know deep in my heart that my H will never break away from his Dad. I will never be his #1 priority. He thinks that a good provider is all it takes to be a good H. <BR>I tried to tell him about EN. He doesnt seem to be bothered with it. I It is like I would get a better response out of my TV if I were talking to it. <P>Today, I was with my friend. I found myself looking at condos for sale. And discussing how much it woudl take to buy a house full of furniture. I dont want to say that I have this written off. In reality, I think I am just about to give up. I think after this affair that it would be so hard to love H again. Does that make sense?<BR>I have no idea why I feel this way. I think the only reason I am here is...<BR>1. What would God want me to do?<BR>2. Will I regret it later on down the road?<P>Then I also wonder if I would move out and find a nice place to live. Would H move with me? I honestly think that if we didnt live 1 minute from his parents. That we would get along fine. <BR>I even wondered if dating each other would help? I know why I fell in love with my H. He is the best guy in the world. It was all great until we moved to the farm. It has been hell since. <BR>We have the appintment in 2 weeks for the counslor. I hope that helps. I am concerned at this point if my love bank is so much in the red that I would even want to go through all the trouble.<P>I am still willing to give it a try. I also think that is the only reasons why I am here at this point. And also to prevent hurting him. <P>So just keep me in your prayers<BR>Renee<BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

This the feeling for today!!!!!<P>I hate H!!!!!!!!!!<BR>Is this worht saving??<P>How do I keep from living on emotions?<BR>He reaaly is happy with our life. He does not undersand why I am so upset? <BR>Will he ever wake up?<P>I looked at apartments today. And have been thinking alot about being in my own. Not to see anyone else.<BR>Just so I can work on me! Get away from these freaks!!!<BR>I know that I will regret a divorce one day.<P>Doesnt God tell us to seperate if we are have ing problems?<P>I just think that may help. H and I have never ever broke up or anyhing. <P>I just feel hopeless. He is a good man. I just feel no love for him..... <P>I need praayers to hang on!!!!<P>What do I do??<P>I just feel that I want out! <P>Thanks All<BR>Renee <BR><P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Update!<P>Last night H and I had a deep discussion. YEAP! You guessed it! You know what happened. It turned into a stone throwing screaming match.<P>I was crying. Which H hates! He can not bear the thoughts that I would cry.<BR>I asked him if he thought about seperation. He siad "no". He thought that I would do what I done before. The affair! <BR>I told him that leaving looked so appealing to me. Although I didnt want to be a coward.<BR>He siad that I didnt even meet his needs. Which now that I look back I havent!!!<BR>I was trying at first much to no avail. Than I think I put it in my mind to say screw it! <P>I told him this is why we need counseling. That way we can learn to communicate. He agreed about the "dad" deal. He said taht he was going to set him down and just tell him that he needed to spend more time with me. That he thought that may help.<P>So there is problem #1. Dad is going to DIE!<BR>I told him to wwait until counseling and see what they thought. <P>This weekend is the Bristol Nascar race. So we will be there camping alot. This is his favorite thing to do. He and I both agreed that we were going to be alcholics! LOL! Not really! We both just hate what we are in.<BR>I am going to try to meet every need that he has. I am not sure that i know how to. May some suggestions would help!<BR>Pysical Attractivness<BR>Companionship<BR>Coversation<BR>Sexual Fullfillment<P>This is the order of his needs. I am walking 2 miles a day now. So he is happy with that.<P>How do you change your life so much? This seems so hard for me to understand..<P>Prayers<BR>Renee<P>------------------<BR>We can do all things through Christ which strengthens us. Repeat that 5 times a day. I promise you success!

Hi Renee,<P>I'm really glad that you and your H are communicating. It may have started with a fight this time, but it sounds like a lot of issues were brought out that needed to be discussed. It sounds like he's coming around about the counseling idea as well. I hope he goes with you. <P>As far as how to meet his needs goes, have you tried to ask him for specifics? Tell him that this is new to you and you're not sure how to meet those needs. Ask him to give you an example of something you could do to meet his top need. Start there. I think Kathi had mentioned to someone else that if he gave you a list of five things that you could do that would meet his top need. That would be a good starting point, I think. you could do the asme thing with him. Give him a list of 5 things that he could do to meet your top need. Tackle them one at a time. <P>