Hello MB friends,<P>Many of you know that firestorm and I have been struggling with saving our marriage since I found out that he and the other woman had resumed contact. We have recommitted ourselves to the Marriage Builders principles, and have made significant progress both as a couple and as individuals. I truly believe that the affair is finally over and firestorm has emerged from the "fog" of infidelity. He seems more like the man he was 18 months ago before all of this happened.<P>However, over the past few weeks it has become absolutely clear that the other woman used the relationship as an excuse to exit her marriage, and she is continuing her efforts to destroy our family as well as her own. She has become unbelieveably cruel and evil, and has made it very clear that she intends to instigate a very ugly divorce action. Basically, she is using the affair to blackmail both firestorm and her own husband by threatening to embarrass both of them as well as me, our children, and even her own children. Of course, she will not do this as long as we agree to give her a very large financial settlement.<P>I have no control over this situation, but I am not about to give in to her demands. I have turned it over to God, and would appreciate it if you would remember us as you pray each day. I have a great faith in God and find comfort through prayer, but this time I need all the help I can get.<P>Thank you for your continued support and care, I know that each person here is suffering as much as I am.<P>Peppermint<BR>

Hi Peppermint,<P>I agree with Sweetpea, you need to get evidence and go see your attorney!! How dare this OW try and blackmail you and firestorm!! <P>She sounds like a real nut case. I'm thinking she doesn't really want to do this, because it will also embarrass her. Sounds like she just wants money, so she's doing what she can to get it. <P>You and firestorm will be in my prayers.<P>Take care and God bless<BR>LoveHurts

Prayers... <P>Jim

Thanks for the responses.<P>To clarify, she hasn't demanded anything, but she is getting very close to it and will probably do so before long. She is at the point of letting us know what the consequences will be if she is not paid "what she deserves". She is counting on the fact that firestorm and I, as well as her husband, want to protect our children.<P>It seems like extortion to me, and it probably is all a bluff, but she is a nut case. It is certainly adding to an already difficult recovery process.<P>On the positive side, I surely don't think firestorm has any desire to rekindle a relationship with this witch!<P>I am not about to pay her for having an affair with my husband, no matter what else happens. What is the going rate for this kind of thing anyway? Just kidding.<P>Peppermint

Depending on the laws of the state you're in, you may be able to file a civil suit for alienation of affection. I'm not a lawyer and I'm not even attempting to play one on the net, but I've investigated this possibility in my own situation.<P>You should also be aware that threats of any kind of illegal action are also illegal (in other words, the very act of threatening to assault someone is illegal). However, threats of legal actions are not illegal, so threatening her with a lawsuit is acceptable. Again, this is my understanding. I am not an expert in this field. All disclaimers apply. Your mileage may vary. Some restrictions apply. <P>I truly hope this situation gets resolved soon. I can only imagine the stress.<P>Slightly Sane<BR>

Hi Peppermint -<P>My prayers are with you and Firestorm!<P>How awful that the children of both sides are being used as ammo by her...<P>I want you both to remember something. <BR>Children are not stupid!!! They know when things are amiss and it is my opinion that there is not really a threat here for her to use.<P>It is in your own minds...how anything she does could effect your kids. Her kids are already suffering the fallout of what their mother is doing to her life (and theirs!!)<P>Your goal is not to "settle" with someone in a way that is wrong....Blackmail is wrong!!!!! You would want to show your kids how to do the right thing when someone is doing "wrong" to them....right? Of course you do, otherwise how do they learn the right way.......<P>Teach them through your actions.....<P>Nothing they "hear" will devastate them if they KNOW from your behaviors that you are all a family!!!!!<P>Don't let her do anything to change that by going against what is the right example for the kids......<P>BIG HUGS and some positive light sent out to you both,<P>Sheba

Hi Peppermint,<P>I've probably never replied to your post, but my thoughts and prayers are with you and Firestorm.<P>OOOO

Hang in there! You and Firestorm are united now and this just lets him see even clearer what OW's true colors are. She's likely digging her own grave. With one mention of extortion or blackmail,see an attorney and have him/her send OW a letter detailing the consequences of her threats.She'll probably run like a scared rabbit.She has no strength,she's resorting to weakness. God bless you two and keep your chin up!

She wants a settlement from the two of you ? That is insane !! <P>What is she going to do file for a divorce on the grounds of <B> her adultery </B> ? That will be a first. What a shame that she is willing to destroy her own children as well as yours. This type of thing makes me wonder about people sometimes.<P>You and Firestorm are both in my prayers, I hope he sees what this person really is now. <P>I agree with the others too, call a lawyer.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Hi Peppermint!<P>Just remember-loser are NOT winners. <BR>And boy oh boy does the OW sound like a loser.<P>I am glad that firestorm can see just how "used" he was by her! If that isn't a cure for infidelity I don't know what would be!<P>You are in our prayers. <P>Do not worry-I think all will end well for you two!<P>Hugs and good wishes-<P><P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Dear Peppermint,<P>I don't know much about your case, but since you asked for prayers, I will share with you a verse that my pastor gave us when he knew how evil people can be: "no weapon forged against you will prevail, and you will refute every tongue that accuses you. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from me". Isaiah 54:17<P>Another aspect of your case is similar to mine as well. My WS said that after chinless banshee set herself upon him one pissed drunken business trip, she got to blackmail him to sustain the A for 2 years. The A ended when chinless knived him in a public place and landed in jail. The blackmails included money of which WS paid but the banshee came and told me of the A anyway - she was adamant that ifshe couldn't have WS, he couldn't have happiness ever again. We have some good newsworthiness as well as I was still in the dark about the A, and that was why WS paid.<P>It really is scary that there are such evil witches out there who would prostitute themselves for whatever they want. Chinless could never get a singel eligible man, so she went for my WS, after her first MM who became her H ran away. Apart from money, she also threatened my baby's life. Like my WS, I am sure that Firestorm is now so overwhelmed by the immensely huge lesson his A brought him.<P>I think you should take extreme measure to collect evidence, such as tape recording phone messages, asking her to write you black and white the amount she wants (reason: you need her to spell legally the amount and that after that you will not wnat to be blackmailed for any more money) so that you can use that as a tool (whether you want to exercise that in the legal sense of not; at least you have got hold of an Achilles Heel).<P>My heart goes out to you Peppermint. I have a lot to learn from you - I still hate my WS and I tell him he is the biggest regret and mistake of my life. Your magnanimity - I don't think I have learnt that yet.<P>God Bless and LOves YOu<BR>take care<BR>weep<BR><p>[This message has been edited by weep (edited October 02, 2000).]

peppermint:<P>Paryers & Hugs to you and firestorm. Together you will weather this storm and being stronger for it.<P>Judy

Peppermint,<BR>First of all, how can she embarrass you? That's an emotion, she can't make you feel an emotion. (except MAD!) She's the one that looks like crap in this scenario if she wants to spread the story around, the current situation also tells a story--one that reflects well on you. Firestorm's past actions aren't great, but he's back in his marriage, on the honorable path. You haven't done anything but love your husband. And her husband--well good luck to him. <P>As for your kids...my kids know there was an affair through overhearing things, and gossip...but even the 15 year old who is old enough to grasp a lot of the concepts finds the fact that her dad is here now far more important, in her case, it was the separations and his breaking his promises to her that were killers. You and Firestorm can handle whatever information the OW may get to your kids. Mom & Dad loving each other and staying together THROUGH trouble is a great lesson to teach kids. They already know about bullies, and that is all the OW is if she follows her stupid plan.<P>Slap her with some legal reality.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).

Oh My Peppermint!<P>I saw a bumper sticker while on vacation this past summer that really sums up everything: "Mean people SUCK!"....kinda says it all, huh?<P>I wanted you and Firestorm to know that you can count on my prayers.<P>H & I went through very, very similar situation...only it was OWH that harrassed us and threatened lawsuits. The threat of the lawsuit seems to have dissolved on its own, but the harrassment continues to this very day.<P>H & I were "forced" to tell family (our parents, our children, siblings with same last names) of the situation because of OWH threats to call everyone in phone book and educate them on what a terrible person my H was. He will stop at nothing until my H is destroyed and we are no longer together as a couple (OWH words).<P>Prepare yourself. Maintain your peace and dignity. Get legal counsel to protect yourself.<P>Resist the temptation to shout at Firestorm in your harshest, ugliest lovebusting voice, "On top of it all, WHY did you have to pick such an a$$h*le???!!!!" <P>Dig your heals in, Peppermint. And hold on for dear life.<P><B>Note to Firestorm</B>: Protect your family. Do whatever you need to do to make them feel safe. Remember to take the burden off of Peppermint...she should NOT have to make the phone calls to the law enforcement officers and/or attorney. You must do what you need to do to restore peace and tranquility in HER/your family's life. Be strong! And, remember, 3 little words: "I'm so sorry"...and "I love you," go a long way in healing the heartache/devastation. <P>Peace, ~Marie<P>p.s. Our children and family members have been very understanding, loving and supportive. Our kids (teens) have been STRONG and FIRMLY believe that maintaining our love for each other (as a united family) is the ONLY ANSWER to overcoming all this bull$h!t. Best of luck to you both!

ohmy_marie,<P>Thank you so much for your thoughts and concerns. The OW has really become a total nut case. She has turned against everyone around her and is trying so hard to bring everybody down with her. This is becoming especially hard for our family. I am to the point right now that I just want to take peppermint and my children and move very far away from here. The OW is doing everything that she can to try an destroy our marriage, but I am determined that I am not going to let that happen.<P>Please keep us in your prayers, we will make it.<P>....fs

Peppermint and Firestorm<P>Prayers to you both, God Bless you, your kids and your families.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{PEPPERMINT AND FIRESTORM}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole

I am totally confused! What exactly is she threatening you with or for?<P>What grounds is she using for blackmail?<P>Maybe I didn't read enough or missed something here. What can she possibly do to cause you harm, that would'nt cause her more harm? She must be totally stupid thinking she would have a case against you. <P>As it stands, you could fry her a$$ in court, especially if you have minor children.<BR>First off, there would be harrassment charges you could file against her.<P>You had to take your H back because you had concerns about your minor children, right!<BR>What can she do about that... nothing. You could still file adultery charges, you know, because of your minor children.<P>When OW contacted my H and I found out, I called her and told her to leave us alone or I would file charges against her for harrassment. Also, told her if it did'nt stop, it was not too late for me to file adultery charges against both of them. Her retort was, you've slept with him, he came home along time ago. Well, this is true, but I needed the father of my children to be home with them. Adultery would still hold up in this state.<P>Fill us in on further developments, this is interesting. She is really DUMB!!!<P>Thank you, <BR>Cathy<BR>

Come to think of it, she can only demand payment if she is a legal prostitute, like my WS's chinless banshee thinks she is.

Hi everyone,<P>To clarify this again, the other woman and her husband are planning to separate. We live very near she and her husband in a small community, and our children are close friends.<P>The other woman's husband and I have lived here and known each other all of our lives, we grew up together. She is asking for a large financial settlement and substantial monthly support from her husband. He isn't going along with her, and she is trying to use threats to coerce him into agreeing with her financial demands (with our help, if necessary). Her threats have ranged from publically embarrassing her husband and children, us and our children, my elderly mother, etc. (No one outside of our family knows about the affair.) She has also insinuated that firestorm coerced and forced her into the affair, and threatened him with a lawsuit.<P>Is it all a big bluff? Probably so, but it still adds a lot of pressure to an already difficult situation. Because of the five children involved (our two and their three), I would prefer that the whole thing be kept as quiet as possible. But that is not going to happen.<P>I have told her husband to not settle with her on OUR account, and that we will NOT be threatened. My husband has agreed to testify in court about the affair if necessary. We will survive, whatever happens.<P>Thanks for all the concern you all have shown. Please keep praying, both for us and everyone else here.<P>Pepppermint<P>

Peppermint,<BR>I'm sorry you have more turmoil in your life.<P>I don't know if this will help, but I went to a reunion gathering for my H's work last weekend. His OW is a co-worker and many know about the affair...and by the end of the evening there probably weren't a lot of people who didn't know. I haven't been to a gathering for about 3 years, so other wives expressed surprise I was there and "I can't believe he did that! How could you take him back!" My answer, "I love him and our marriage is important to us." Really, I don't know how our actions could have been MORE under a microscope that evening, people whispering, gazes not meeting mine, sliding away. And it was not my imagination. But, I looked great, was smiling, talking, and fully returning Guard's affection as we circulated, sometimes together, sometimes apart.<P>Other people's opinions do not matter if you are doing the right thing NOW. In addition, my family accepts Guard because I love him, and if this all hits the fan for you, that's what you need to convey. <P>Mistakes were made, you love each other. Legally, do what you have to for protection & law.<P>The OW cannot really hurt you with gossip, she will reap what she sows. <P>Stay strong.