Plain and simply, my kids!

When I was working toward reconciliation, there were lots of reasons.<P>Because I adore my mom. She's Strength, Inspiration, and Love and I want to be like her. She advised me to forgive him, take my man back, and love him as I always have. If she could forgive him then so could I.<P>Because I wanted to win. I could not accept being less of a woman than any OW. I needed to be the only woman with my H's love. I know that is stupid now because my H said a million times that he didn't even like or respect them, and he's shown that over and over.<P>Because I wanted my vision of our fairy tale life to be real. I wanted my sacrifices to be worth it. I needed him to be all the things I dreamt of.<P>My daughter loves him.<P>Because I didn't want all of this pain I felt to be for nothing.<P>Because I thought I could save him from himself. <P>Because I loved him, and until our lives were torn apart, I really didn't know how much.<P>If you look, they are all selfish reasons except for the reasons of love.

Over the past few months I have had many diferent reasons at different times. I would like to say it was all because of love, ... but there are other things.<P>Fear of being alone.<P>She is still disease free <P>I haven't had my revenge yet.<P>The sex is <B>GREAT!</B><P>My step-son as been through one divorce; I would honestly rather die than have it happen to him again or put my daughter through the pain that he has endured.<P>If I let this love die, I could never completely open my self emotionally to another person. Thus I know I will never love another the way I love my wife.

<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>

oooo,<P>This is an interesting question, because I have wondered if I want my H back for the right reasons. All the reasons you listed come into play.<P>-I love him (I think so anyway)<BR>-our son<BR>-I'm afraid to be alone.<BR>-I would suffer financially.<BR>-I want my image of a happy family to be true<P>Right now my H is talking about staying in our marriage, but only as friends and roommates. He feels nothing in a romantic or sexual way for me. I am struggling with whether this would be best for me and our child. <P>

<B>You still love your WS.</B><P>Yes<P><B>You need financial support from your WS.</B><P>Yes<P><B>You are afraid to be alone.</B><P>No, I'm not afraid...but I love being with him and want to be with him.<P><B>You want your children to grow up with two parents.</B><P>No kids....but my dogs miss him...seriously!<P><B>You are afraid that it is too late in your life to start a new relationship.</B><P>Don't know if it's morally right to have a new relationship....still trying to figure that one out...<P><B>Physically, you feel that you are not attractive enough for other.</B><P>That's true.<P>Like Peppermint, <B>I have a strong committment and honor for the vows we made on October 22, 1988. I promised. For better or worse, til death do us part. I meant it then, and I still do.</B><P>God knitted our hearts together on that day...he is a real part of me. I promised thru the good and bad, not only my H, but God. I really feel that way...and can't let go of it. Can't see how remarriage can even be an optoin for me when I feel this way. Do I want to spend the rest of my life alone...no. But neither do I want to "water down" my vow because I'm lonely. So I'm still working on that one....<P>Thanks for the question.<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<P><BR>

I still see him as a kind, loving man. A man going through a crisis that he doesn't understand.<P>I'm not afraid to be alone, I'm independent enough to support myself. But, I love my life with him, I believe we are compatible in so many ways and still are.<P>Although the person before seems alien at times, he still is my best friend in life. No other person on this earth knows me as well as he does, knows my secrets and fears.<P>We still share the same dreams and are emotionally connected to each other. Our families love and support us as do our long time friends.<P>I don't want to start over, but I know that I could. I believe in our love and that it will prevail over this crisis.<P><P>------------------<BR>True love cannot be found where it doesn't truly exist, <BR>nor can it be hidden where it truly is.

Great question for thought.<BR>I am betrayed and betrayer, so I am answering from both sides of the fence. If that doesn't make you crazy, nothing will!!!<P>My wife betrayed first. I seriously considered telling her to move out. The main reason I didn't? We have an 11-year old daughter with sparkling grey-green eyes, she is mischievious, smart, charming. Wife didn't want kids but had her for me because I wanted kids. Breaking up our family would have been soooo traumatic, and I fear we would have really hurt our daughter. I didn't want to lose being in her life every day.<BR>Other reasons? A fear of the feeling of tremendous failure. Disappointing family, friends and fellow church members. Loss of a fine home we had worked hard for after 20 years together. The remembrance that there was a time when we couldn't imagine living without each other.<BR>As a Christian, I have been taught that God forgives us freely and without reservation, no matter what we have done. If I am going to "talk the talk," I'd better be prepared to "walk the walk". Forgiveness is the hardest lesson I have had to learn, and I am in as much need of forgiveness from my wife as she is in need of mine.<BR>Finally, I have the hope that my marriage can be better than it ever has in spite of this. That is still a hope, but we are trying to make it a reality.<BR>Rockaway