I see lots of new faces here.<P>I used to post here several months ago....anyway, for any of you who remember me, I confessed.<P>Jill

So...<P>what was his reaction?...<P>counseling start yet?<P>fill us in...<P> <P>Jim

Jill, <P>Are you ok ? Is H ok ? I know that had to be hard, what happened that helped you decide to tell him ? Talk to us.<P>------------------<BR>Deb<P>Hepatitis C, Please educate yourself ! <A HREF="http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In" TARGET=_blank>http://www.hepatitis-central.com/<P>In</A> memory of a very dear friend <A HREF="http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp" TARGET=_blank>http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/wally.adp</A>

Well, I'm talking. And, for those of you who haven't read my previous posts from months ago (they're not available anymore I don't think), this will seem like there's not enough information for you...feel free to ask questions. The brief version of the story is that I had an EA and a PA with a man...then, I cut off all contact with him...this happened two years ago. I kept the information to myself...I was NEVER going to confess. But...<P>After much prayer and counseling, after two years of self-hatred, I felt lead to confess to my husband. I confessed tonight. I just asked him to sit down. I sat at his feet and cried and told him everything. He cried and then asked a couple of questions and then left the house. When he came home, I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said, "No." We sat and talked and cried. He told me that if I would have confessed this to him only three months ago that he would've told me to get out. But, we both feel that God has been preparing both of our hearts for this confession. My husband told me tonight that over the past three months, he's loved me more than he has ever loved me in our entire marriage (8 years next month). My mom has always said that God is in the waiting...and, she's right...there's hope...<P>Anyway, my husband asked more questions which I answered honestly. I cried some more and asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said, "No...I want you as my wife."<P>The part of all of this that breaks my heart even more than it is already broken is watching him suffer like this. In the middle of everything, when he was crying the hardest, my husband said, "I just wonder what kind of man I must be to have driven you to do this...you must've been so lonely to have turned to someone else...just like you are responsible for cheating, I'm responsible for not being the husband that you deserved..." I told him that I am fully responsible for cheating and that loneliness doesn't justify anything...<P>I told my husband that I would do anything to make him happy. I told him that I didn't tell him before because I knew that he would try to blame himself...I didn't tell him because I didn't want to see him suffer.<P>Anyway, now we're sitting here kind of numb...we don't know what to do next. I'm giving him plenty of room. I'm only talking to him when he directs conversation at me (he needs mental and emotional space...I told him I would go stay somewhere else tonight, but he didn't want me to go). We have pastoral counsel available to us at any time. The pastor that is available for counsel (I've been to counseling, but my husband has not yet been) told me, "You have to confess because it is the right thing to do...it has nothing to do with making you feel better. You are afraid of losing your life as you know it. But, you have to trust God no matter what the outcome may be..."<P>I'm rambling. I'm in shock. My husband is in shock. God help us.<P>Jill<P> <P>

Jill, I am glad that you have finally told him - and that he seems to be dealing with it so far. I know that you have used this forum as a sounding board in the past - it would be wonderful if your husband could use it, too. Please consider counseling with the Harleys, or at least with someone who believes that marriages can survive infidelity and be strong and happy again!<P>I understand how much it hurts to be in his position ... if you have learned anything from this website, you know that you need to be accountable in any way he needs you to be - please don't be angry with him if he wants to know where you are at every moment of the day - don't be angry if he has trouble being emotionally open with you. It sounds as if you have built a good foundation up between you over the last few months, and while it may seem as if you have just burned your relationship to the ground, remember that foundation is still there, waiting for the two of you to build a stronger, safer, wiser and happier marriage!<P>Good luck, Jill - I'm proud of you!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Jill,<BR>I posted before as "Pilgrim" and remember urging you to confess your affair. I'm glad you got up the courage to do it. You and your husband need to have an honest, up-front marriage if it is going to be worth anything.<BR>He sure handled your confession better than I handled my wife's! Sounds like you have a special man there.<BR>I just hope he doesn't stew himself into a funk. Be prepared for some unexpected emotions, especially anger.<BR>Now the real work begins. We're all pulling for you.<P>Rockaway

Hi Jill -<P>I am so proud of you, too!!! It is true that God works in mysterious ways....<P>With all the pressure to confess you were under for all this time.....isn't it miraculous that you did so at the right time? God IS watching and guiding......<P>I am curious....why do you think your H has felt so much closer to you these past three months specifically? What has been the difference? Do you know?<P>One word of caution to you....I know that you are majorly concerned about his suffering, but do not keep offering to leave. Could be taken that you don't want to stick around......<P>I know that you only want to ease his pain, but it is vitally important that you reassure him that you have chosen him and the marriage and that NOTHING would drive you away again...not even him!!! We all know that the initial pain of discovery can be hellish, but can definitely be gotten through with a better understanding and insight into relationships. <P>When the WS shows that they really want their spouse....it just goes so much easier and quicker!!!<P>You did good.....H did good....GOD did good......<P>Learn and grow from it all, Jill. You and H can now have something most of us are still dreaming about.....<P>Both of you just let the Lord keep guiding you. You are blessed!!!<P>BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba

Jill,<P>Don't know your story...but I know the bible says.."The Truth Will Set You Free"

Jill, do you think he might be willing to come here for help ? Just a thought.

Jill, it was a very difficult thing for you to do but we are proud of you!<P>{{{{Jill & hubby}}}}<P>Go easy for a while. No need to solve all your problems tomorrow. You both will probably feel sorrow, anger, impatience, etc. over the next few weeks. Count to 10 if you feel like you are going to say or do something which may even remotely hurt the other.<P>If hubby wants to post here, let him know he is more than welcome. Also, he can email me direct if he wishes if he doesn't want to get too public yet.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

Jill, Wow, I am proud of you. I am also proud of the way your H took responsibility. To me it shows that you not only have the makings of an MB success story, but the makings of a wonderful marriage.

((((((((((((((( Jill & H )))))))))))))))))

good for you Jill! I strongly believe that when we are ready that God guides us. I have experienced this in our recovery. Did you notice the upcoming MB seminar? If you two could go it sounds like it would be really good.<P>cleo

Wow! I am so impressed at your courage and honesty. I wish I could put you in the same room with my WS wife for awhile. Good luck!!<P>WAT

Jill...<P>You guys will make it. Just hold on for the duration of the ride...God is ordering your steps.<P>There is a song that says "He didn't bring you this far, to leave you..."<P>Healing...is on the way. God is Faithful!<P>love and prayers...<P>

Jill,<BR> Your last statement, on your last post..."God help us"....He will, without a doubt! There is a reason you were led to confess this now. God uses these terrible trials in our lives to strengthen us and build our relationship with Him. It will be difficult but with His help and your faithfulness to Him and H's faithfulness to Him,that marriage you've been longing to have for so long,is just around the corner . God bless you both!

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 01:47 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Hi Jill,<P>I'm one who said not to tell if you didn't feel it was time... clearly you felt it was time, and God was leading you...<P>Now you can go forward with no secrets between you. <P>I love how you told him, at his feet... very humbling, and I'm sure he realized the symbolism of that.<P>Best wishes. This is a difficult road, we all understand it so very well.

Jill,<P>Sigh! I know you wished it could have been otherwise. But after it all, I think you have done the right thing and I believe your H will understand more than you ever suspected. Do remember one of the many suggestions here, don't offer to leave. Tell him you are with him all the way. As all of this sinks in, he will have so many doubts, don't add to them.<P>You have done a brave thing, and from the sounds of it you were guided and chose well in your timing. Your H sounds like a very good man, who as we all have made mistakes.<P>If you can convince him, have him come here. Both of you come, if you can.<P>My prayers are with you, but I suspect you now feel that a great weight has been lifted. That you can live again and yes you can be loved.<P>I hope so.<P>Jill, God Bless You and Your H,<P>JL

Jill,<P>I remember your post. I remember responding to several in fact. God knows when the stage is set and HE will never let you down. You have a good H there, and by his actions you should know he loves you. Take care of him and stay here with us. I have walked in your shoes before so I know where you are. The road ahead is long and hard, but it will be well worth the journey. Walk it together, hand in hand, and both of you will be ok. Keep this in mind, you ended the affair on your own. GOOD FOR YOU.<P>Is you H going to come here and post? My W and I came here together, and that has helped us tremendously.<P>Good luck...........fs