I have posted this on 3 other forums. I need some help.<BR>My name is mark.<BR>I'm 32, my wife is 31. We have been married for 8 yrs. The thursday before Christmas my wife told me she was not happy. Hasnt been for several months. She is leaving friday morning for 4 days away to have space.<BR>She has mentioned divorce, and separation.<BR>Her female friend who is her support is lesbian. My wife told me she has an attraction to her. <BR>I guess she is falling in love with her friend. Heck I dont know.<P>I am prepared for divorce.<BR>She said she cant give up her friendship with the other woman.<P>I told her that if we was going to try and work on our marriage, I dont think it would be healthy for her to be seeing the other woman. <P>I dont know what to do. I'm the working poor.<BR>I dont have insurance, and I cant afford a councler. I would really like to try working on our marriage. <P>I wish she would have told me about this long ago. I feel it is too far gone.<BR>I am feeling, and have felt since she told me of this, overwhelmed. I cant function. I cant sleep. I dont have no desire to eat.I need help. I try to stay busy. I quit drinking a while back. Drinking is not the answer I know that.<P>I dont have friends that I call true friends, someone to talk to. I told my mother today. Told her that we was putting up a front Christmas day. The marriage situation was as much a shock to her as it was to me.<P>Mom tried to comfort me. She'll do anything I ask, but I dont know what to do.<P>I feel hopeless and helpless.<BR>I guess the way I feel....I need more help than our marriage. <BR>I feel overwhelmed. I cant make heads or tails of the emotions inside myself.<BR>Please help if possible. I dont know what to do.<P>Any free support groups in knoxville,tn?<P><BR>broken in tennessee<P>Today is friday, she just left.<BR>Last night we ahd a talk and she kept bringing up that a divorce was the last option. She said that she has some things about herself that she needs to do. She mentioned several, all of them but one we could grow together on. The other was that if she is out with friends she dont want to worry about what time it is, and having to get home.<P>I think she wants her freedom.<BR>My biggest fear about getting separated is that we will not be able to work on our marriage with that OW in the picture.<P>Got about 2 hours sleep last night. I'm emotionally drained.<P>Man this is hard. I don't know what to do. I do not want to do anything to push her away. <BR>I just wish monday would come so we can talk about what we are going to do. Where we stand with each other. Where I stand with her. Why did it take this for me to come out of my blindness and see how much I value her. <P>My step father said if I talk her into counciling he would loan me 500 dollars. That isnt much. I have checked on prices already. But, it's a start. If she doesnt want to go, than I am. I need to talk to somebody.<P>Did I mention I feel overwhelmed? <BR>I dont think it would be so bad. But she seems extremely happy with her friend. <BR>It seems as if I'm cut out of the picture.<P>I dont know where to start on getting a handle on what I'm feeling. Depressed? Yes.<BR>Heartbroken? Yes. Regretfull? Yes. For my actions or inactions. For what I said or didnt say. For what I have done or didnt do.<P>We screamed, yelled, and cried about this a couple of times. A couple of nights ago we had a civil conversation. Only after I had spent about 8 hours at this website. She dont want to read, talk or do anything till she gets back. I can live with that. but in the meantime this is killing me. It's an effort to put one foot in front of the other. <P>Thank God we have no children.<P>Broken in East Tennessee<P>

Mark, I'm so sorry for your pain. Do you have a minister you can talk to until you can get to counseling?<P>Also, keep posting here and read everyone's stories. I've only been here a week and everyone is very supportive and compassionate. You'll be surprised at how many people are in the same situation, even if the OP is a woman.<P>Another thought . . . do a search to see if there are any support groups in your area.<P>Good luck to you.

Mark,<BR>This is a great site to help you deal with your marital issues. Read plan A and also the Policy of Joint Agreement. Print out copies of the Emotional Needs questionaire for both of you to fill in and then talk about these needs.<P>We have been going to a counselor for 5 months and though it has helped us understand each other more, the open and honest talks have brought us close again.<P>If you have already recognized some actions that may have contributed to your W depression (yes, I think that plays a part in this) then make obvious that you have made some changes.<BR> <BR>Listen, let her talk without any judgement on your part.<BR> <BR>We are here when you need to vent or feel overwhelmed. Good luck on this emotional rollercoaster ride, and expect the lows and relish the highs. <BR>L

Hey, Mark -<P>I am so sorry that you are going through this. I agree with Susie - if you cannot afford counseling right now, try talking to a minister. If you don't attend church regularly or are afraid to talk to a minister - don't be. They can probably help you, no matter what your situation may be.<P>It is very kind of your stepfather to offer the money to help you out. If you can get her to go to counseling, that would be wonderful - if not, I think you should take him up on his offer and use the money for counseling for yourself - or to maybe buy some of the books mentioned on this site. My H and I never went for formal counseling, but we have read a lot of books on infidelity and it has really helped us to overcome some of our relationship problems. Some of the books that helped us were "Surviving An Affair" by Harley and His Needs, Her Needs" also by Harley.<P>You may even want to see if your library has any information on infidelity/marital problems.<P>Hang in there, and I'll pray that you find the help that you are seeking.