Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#910475 04/26/01 08:33 AM
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
L
Lora Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
I remember your story from when I first came to the boards, Many long threads were written, and it seemed like you just disappeared.<P>Please let us know how you are doing now, you were always so expressive in your posts.<BR>Lora

#910476 04/27/01 09:51 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 267
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 267
Hi Lora...<P> I really hesitate....not really knowing...where to start...what to say...how much to say...<P>I've been on the sidelines here for some time. I did post to terri the other day...as her situation...brought back a flood of memories for me.<P>My journey...started with an attraction to a married woman I work with. This had never been a problem area for me in my 18 years of marriage. But, I painfully discovered, that when you neglect the really important things in life, it is not surprising that needs will begin to surface...and attempts to meet those needs outside of God's perfect will...will become tempting.<P>While my dealings with the married woman at work...never 'crossed a line' as far as actions and speech, I was certainly aware of an incredible pull unlike anything I had ever felt before...was working against me. I was horrified...scared...and felt like I was on an icy surface unable to find traction. Not only was it frightening, it was also very exhilirating as well...to be noticed...admired...payed attention to...<P>I began crying out to God...praying...doing all I knew to do. My wife was very busy with school at the time...over extended...but secure in the marriage...as she had no reason not to be. She never thought...I would do what I did. Nor did I.<P>I stumbled across this web site one day by accident. It was a resevoir of invaluable information, which I devoured. Being a minister as well as a school teacher, I knew there was so much practical help here....that I wanted to use it not only for myself...but for others...who I had watched slide down this tragic slope.<P>I then came across the forum here...and by 'chance', met among many people here, one particular woman....who had struggles and needs of her own. We just 'connected'...and became to close...much too close.<P>At one point, I had tried to communicate with my wife my struggles...but...there seemed to be no 'room on the plate' for tending to the marriage needs...and we both failed...to recognize the serious of the situation.<P>So I found refuge in the friendship of someone 'on-line'. I felt safe...thinking nothing could ever come of it...being in different states. But never underestimate...the power of a deceptive...and needy heart. <P>I would never had suspected...that I would have traveled the road that I did. I met this woman in person for a short period of time. There were things done, that were wrong. Feelings and words expressed...that should have never been expressed. Confessions followed to our spouses...brief periods of counseling...pain..turmoil...withdrawl pains...and sadly, continued contact for an extended period of time. There was a second 'disclosure'...more pain and tears...difficulty in communicating...more counseling...more promises...more broken promises...more continued contact.<P>I use to post here often...needing a place to vent...<BR>Understandingly...I offended or hurt or angered some folks here. I just tried to express my own pain...of being in love with someone...whom I should have never got that close.<P>I use to wonder...how men...could do the things they did...to jeapordize their families...jobs...so many...others...And I found out exactly...how and why...they do the things they do.<P>I believe...after a very painful and prolonged struggle, I am finding my way home again. Leaving my wife/family was never an option for myself...or this friend of mine. We knew...that as far as we had allowed our relationship to thrive, that it would only end in painful destruction. Breaking completley away from each other, was/is the most single difficult thing I have ever done.<P>I don't look for a pat on the back...I only share that I have learned much through this ordeal. I understand this human heart of mine in ways...like I never knew possible.<P>I have learned much about the mercy of God...and beleive that full restoration and healing awaits me. It will take some time.<P>I hurt...when I see the pages and pages of post laced with pain here. I can only hope and pray...that I never forget...what I am continuing to learn...so that with compassion and understanding...I can help others...avoid the painful mistakes I have made.<P>I will survive. With God....all things are possible.

#910477 04/27/01 10:38 AM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 6,380
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 6,380
I have thought about you so many times and wondered how you were doing.<P>I am relieved you are on the way back.<P>

#910478 04/27/01 11:06 AM
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,088
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,088
So nice to hear from you NoMas. I too have wondered how you were doing. Keep up the hard work and may God continue to bless you with His strength.

#910479 04/27/01 04:26 PM
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
L
Lora Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,749
Thanks for filling us in noMas,<P>I'm glad to hear you are making your way to healing.<P>I admire your ambitions, but funny how it seems that no one can help people avoid the affair path once they are on it. Maybe it is the arrogence of people, always believing that they are different and special and that their situation can be handled better. I wish I knew the answer, think of all the pain that could be avoided.<P>Lora

#910480 04/27/01 07:11 PM
Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Oct 1998
Posts: 2,075
NoMas, thank you for the update. I am so glad that you are finding your way back! Please keep posting here - some of our newer members truly need to understand that it can be done, and that it can get better.<P><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

#910481 04/27/01 10:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 972
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 972
Hi Nomas:<P>I too have wondered how you were doing...there were times when we have been very hard on you in the past...but looks like you're going to make it. <P>Please keep posting...because although some of us don't have the same problem you do...there are many others on this board that are walking that same thin tightrope and your help might be what is need to keep them from falling off.<P>Faye<BR>

#910482 04/30/01 12:04 AM
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 417
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 417
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I believe...after a very painful and prolonged struggle, I am finding my way home again.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>NoMas, good to hear from you. Many of your words could have been mine, so I understand the same struggle/journey. I am glad, too, you are finding your way home again. It is a perilous journey, I know.<P>I, too, am finding my way back slowly. And I say that with a shiver and thankfulness, for I know, too, how easy it is to slip on that slope. What kept me from slipping all the way? Only God's grace. He hung on to me, when I couldn't hold on myself. "...but for the grace of God".


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 1,116 guests, and 67 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Mike69, petercgeelan, Zorya, Reyna98, Nofoguy
71,829 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5