When I logged on today I saw this post at the very bottom of page 1: <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008837.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/008837.html</A> <P>Let's make sure that no one slips off the first page with no responses, especially not the first time posters! <P>Thanks. --HBC<P>(When I came here at 2:00 am and saw the responses, I was sad that I had caused anyone any upset and edited the post down to just the URL and a thanks. As I thought more about it when I couldn't sleep, I decided I should stick to what I had originally said. I've tried to recreate it here as best I can. Please know this <B> NOT directed at any one person </B>. <P>I, obviously, don't have time to sit and watch the boards, waiting for someone to post on the weekdays or the weekends. No one does. What I am trying to encourage everyone to do is look for the people they don't know and make sure the numer "0" doesn't appear in the reply column. Even if you've only been here a week, just saying "hello" and pointing the newer person to another part of the site can make all the difference in the world. If you don't like my style, just ignore me. Thanks for reading. --HBC)<BR><p>[This message has been edited by HurtButCoping (edited May 13, 2001).]

You know what? I had the week from hell... I saw that post, could identify (if you remember my story, you'll understand) and I was just too darned tired of living in my skin to offer true support. I remember thinking, "someone else will get it"...<P>Nobody did, did they? <P>You'll do what I did for awhile, and answer everyone you can... and then you'll get so raw and bruised from reading the newness, that you just have to back off... <P>That's what I did...<P>...sigh...<P>I did go answer, as well as another newbie... and now my eyes are burning.<P>I'm sure you understand.<P>Thanks for working to keep everyone motivated.

HBC, try to remember that it is the weekend and many of us don't have the same amount of time to spend at our computers. A better approach to this problem would have been to add a "To the Top" message to the newbie's post and give us all an opportunity to see it. I don't respond well, after posting hundreds of supportive messages, to being criticized for not having enough emotional energy to help everyone.<P>Sorry if I sound b*tchy, but I, too, have had the week from hell supporting a friend in need in real life, not to mention hellish allergies...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Sorry to have offended anyone.<P>nb, Thank you for responding even though it was painful. That was a very nice thing to do.<P>terri, I'll try to remember that.<P>--HBC<p>[This message has been edited by HurtButCoping (edited May 13, 2001).]

Thanks all of you I think I'm in the right place! Need to know

Thanks, need to know!<P>I needed that!<P>All the best!<BR>--HBC

HBC,<P>Good point.<P>There are also a lot in JFO and Plan A/Plan B with 0 or 1 reply. I just replied to 1 but don't have a lot of time right now.<P>For those who can try to check there on occasion and help a newcomer from time to time it could really help someone.<P>None of us can do it all, but I do try to watch for the 0 replies ones.<P>Steve

I feel sad when I see that some posts have O replies, but speaking personally, as one who is in the throes of the first month after D-Day, I'm so up and down and trying to understand things myself that often I don't feel 'qualified' to post - what if I give the wrong advice because I don't understand the principles well enough myself yet? I often read these posts and dither about trying to decide whether to reply or not - sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. However - after reading this I do think that YES I should post - even if it's just a short 'sorry, can't advise, but here's a hug' message, which is bound to me better than the dreaded 'nothing'. I'll try harder in the future!<BR>Paint

OK, now I feel bad. And I apologize for my grumpy response. It's just so hard to keep up - I've just got so much to do!<P> <P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Paintbox:<BR><B><BR>I don't feel 'qualified' to post - what if I give the wrong advice because I don't understand the principles well enough myself yet?<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><BR>Many newcomers don't read the articles first, and you can always point them toward them. If you click on the "*UBB COde is ON" link at the left when you're posting, it will take you to a page which explains how to insert links.<P>As you say, you can always just say something friendly and sympathetic. I hope you do keep posting.<P><B>terri</B>,<P>Everyone deserves a "pass" for being grumpy on occasion. I hope that both your friend and your allergies are better.<P>Better to just do what you can than to burn out and wind up doing nothing.<P>Steve<p>[This message has been edited by StillHers (edited May 13, 2001).]

terri,<BR>No worries about your response. I am sorry that you took it to mean that I was down on you. {{hug}}<P>It is really hard to keep posting upbeat responses. No one can or should do it all the time, IMHO. But I think we all (or maybe we each) should try to make sure that everyone gets at least one "you're going to be okay" response.<P>Steve, thanks for reminding us that we should go to other boards and help out, too. And thanks for the URL lesson! I just copy and paste...I'm lazy... <P>Paintbox, please don't feel worried about responding! You're right, sometimes all someone can offer is a cyber hug, but that can mean a lot.<P>Take care, everyone!<BR>--HBC

HBC,<BR>Thanks for this thread...I remember my first few weeks here, and how grateful I felt when anyone responded to my postings.<BR>The next time I read and think I have nothing to offer, I'll be sure to send at least a hug.<BR>I needed that friendly 'kick'.<P>Take care all.<BR>SD