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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036
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Joined: Jul 1999
Posts: 1,036
The last few weeks have been emotionally draining on me and my H. He was laid off from work a month ago and thought that he would find another job by now, but he hasn't. Lot's of interviews and wanting to set-up 2nd interviews but nothing yet. Anyhow, we have been so distant, edgy, snappy, mean, angry, and non-affectionate with each other. At first I was trying to stay positive, hugs, encouragement things of that nature, but now I am feeling some love bank withdrawals for my H. I have no desire anymore to stay upbeat, no desire for him sexually and lately it's like just talking to him pisses me off! I think the major problem is that he is thinking of moving back home to where our families are, and where exOW is. My response NO WAY! Not just because of exOW, but I love where we relocated to. Also, not having our small circle of friends to go running to whenever we had problems has GREATLY improved our marriage, we would be going back to all the NEGATIVE ENVIRONMENTS of our old marriage/relationship. I said I would live in a shelter b4 I moved back home. Maybe I feel that he is being a weak little boy, by running back home when things get rough. I don't want to lose our home, i don't want to move and H say's he doesn't either, but what else can we do. We can't live off of my salary where we live! Not only do I not want to move back home but I KNOW that I will resent my H if we move back and you all know what happens when you start to resent your spouse! I have no motivation anymore to act/show my H love. I'm just so bitter and turned off from him. And now I sound like the betrayer by saying/asking HOW DO THOSE FEELING COME BACK when you are not motivated to do anything but stay away!

Joined: Apr 2001
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Take DEEP BREATHS!!!<P>Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh....<P>Okay. Keep on doing that.<P>You still love your husband. You know that. Putting your marriage back together is hard enough. And now you're dealing with the thought of moving b/c he lost his job.<P>Don't get the two issues confused. Yes, they intertwine. However, they are still two separate issues. I think you'll make it easier on you if you can think of them that way.<P>I wish I could offer some suggestions for you, but really, I can't. I know how hard it is to find a new job. And I'm sure part of the problem is the pride and expectation for your H to find something that pays as good as or better than his previous job. Okay, maybe I do have some advice. Perhaps you could sit down and figure out just how much more money you would need for your family to stay where you are. Talk about it with your H. Do you think he'd be willing to take on a less paying job for the time being?<P>HUGS to you! <P>Karen<BR>

Joined: Jul 1999
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Yes, that is the plan to take the first offer that comes his way until he finds something better or works his way to a more pay. But until then we just have to wait and struggle it out. He is trying to come up with different options to cut back expenses so we can stay but just the thought of him telling people that we may move back get's me so mad. Not only that, instead of telling other people any plans he should be DISCUSSING WITH ME FIRST! That has been another problem in our marriage, he discussing our or should I say his future plans for us with everyone else but me. I would hear about it from someone else. I am just very angry about things right now. Whenever we try to talk it turns into another arguement or testy situation. We are BOTH very TESTY with one another. I know what i SHOULD be doing, just don't feel like being bothered right now.

Joined: May 2001
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I'm in a very similar situation. I can relate to how you feel. My H's A is over and he is spending all of his time seeking employment (currently unemployed). <P>He has decided that it's best for all of us (me and four kids 7-14) to get a new job somewhere else in the country and "make a fresh start". Parts of this are logical, but he assumes that I'm just going to go along with all of this. Any time I say anything that isn't completely supportive of HIS decision, I'm accused of "not being supportive". Well, guess who's been there for the last six months, trying to hold the family and relationship together. <P>I'm feeling no support from him at all. Sure, he's nice and friendly as long as I agree, but there's been no apology, acceptance of responsibility or feelings that he even understands that he's caused me (and the kids) pain. I can't let him sweep all this under the rug and pretend there's nothing wrong, move away from all my friends (support) and everything my kids have ever known without even an apology.<P>How the heck am I supposed to get him to see that he needs to come clean, and deal with ME. Support goes both ways. I'm tired of haveing to be so careful not to LB while he's allowed to mess up over and over with no real consequence. I'm human too, but this plan doesn't allow me to mess up at all without consequences...<P>You're not alone. No answers from me, just empathy, sympathy and someone to vent with. My prayers for you.

Joined: May 1999
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Hi T24G!!!! <P>Have missed you!! Wondering how things were......<P>Winds a'blowin' eh?<P>What's this "don't feel like being bothered right now"? tsk....tsk!!!<P>If not now, when a chance comes to implement this new knowledge and skill for the good....then when?<P>Remember that losing a job can do some major self image damage....keep that in mind when you interact with H. He needs support - not criticism. Encourage him in the direction of staying by your ACTIONS - like helping him find a position somewhere around there, discussing possibilities and his dreams of what he wants to do, tell him you BELIEVE in HIM!!!<P>Then maybe he won't have to boost himself telling others and will tell you cuz you won't shoot it down so quickly.<P>You are both playing tug-a-war again.....<P>DIFFUSE!!!!!! POJA!!!!!<P>SUPPORTIVENESS!!!! Help with SOLUTIONS!!<P>ENCOURAGEMENT!!! In it TOGETHER!!!<P>Get it!!!! I know you do!!!! Hee-hee!<P>Love Ya and BIG HUGS,<P>Sheba<P><p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited May 25, 2001).]


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