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Joined: Aug 2000
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Rick37 Offline OP
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I know the answer to this, but have to ask anyway.<P>Just got back from 1 week vacation, and at the same time, my wife had one week vacation (her request) without the kids, so I had them. She just left a message. She asked if she could see them before Wednesday, because she misses them. Wed. is her normal day to get them. From this past Friday till Wed. AM would have been my normal time. The prior week, I had them, but that was to accommodate her so badly needed vacation.<P>I know I should just ignore the request. I know this will be perceived as an LB, but should I care? Do I reinforce the issue by ignoring her request. She'll persist I'm sure, and tell the kids she wants to speak to Dad.<P>If she tells them she wants to see them, they might ask me.<P>How do you handle this. It is going well so far.<P>Thanks.

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Hi Rick,<P>IMHO, this is the part where plan B doesn't work well. When there is children. <P>So your wife has indicated she misses her children. Isn't that how it should be? Can you accomodate this request? <P>Since there was time away, her reaction should be normal. Under normal circumstances you would expect her to miss them. Right? <P>Then I would let her see the children. Maybe not exactly as she dictates but how you can fit in her request to the schedule of you and the children. The benefit is that she can see the children and that may make her think, the other is that it reduces her ability to legimately LB you. <P>How was your vacation?<P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

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Dern.<P>Yep, the strict Plan B answer is, "Who?"<P>Seriously, Rick, I think you should ignore her until she calls to speak to the kids, then see what they want. Also, if they want to speak to her, I think ya gotta let them call her with your help.<P>Plan B with young kids is tough.<P>WAT

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Tough one, huh? I think if the kids want to see her you should let them go, with as little discussion/interaction with your W as you can about it.<P>I think, even in Plan B, you can still show a willingness to be cooperative can't you? Now if it would begin to happen over & over again, then that would be you continuing to meet an EN of hers, but I think in this special circumstance (you know, her just comming back from her well needed alone vacation-sheesh!) it would be ok.<P>

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Rick,<P>Tough, but I think she should miss the kids, that's one of the things that can happen in plan b that helps the WS realize what a bummer divorce is. So if she's missing them, this is good. Personally, I would break the law of no contact in order to negotiate a mutually agreeable solution to this situation. If you don't, the kids become a pawn or at the very least get thrust into the middle of the thing, which is something that just shouldn't happen.<P>Step one, you talk to them, see what they want, then if they do want to see you, go ahead and try to negotiate.<P>Hey, I'm no expert, that's just what I would do.<P>Ish

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No.<P>No. NO <B>NO.</B><P>This is going to be a slap in the face, Rick (and my apologies), but she didn't miss the kids while she was on vacation. She was far too busy screwing the man who is trying to destroy your family.<P>Ignore the request. She can see them on Wednesday. Anything else, and you'll be meeting an Emotional Need. If she asks the kids if she can talk to Daddy after she says her goodnights, hang up the phone without saying a word.<P>Yeah, Plan B with kids may be tough, but I think it is also more powerful. You're meeting a need for Domestic Support by being a <I>father</I> something OM can't be. You're not putting the kids between you or using them as a weapon; you're adhering to the schedule previously set up. Anything else and you're once again playing by HER rules.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

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Well, I vote no.<P>Plan B is supposed to have a therapeutic effect on you, and maybe her. I am leery of deviating from your routine. Under "normal" circumstances (divorced), the request would be reasonable. But, you're not in a normal circumstance. It sounds like the established routine allows for plenty of contact for both of you already.<P>Nell [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>------------------<BR>One faces the future with one's past.<BR>--Pearl S. Buck

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Rick,<P>It'll break your heart to say "no", but say "no" you must... Or better yet, ignore the request altogether... In the long run (as in a few weeks), this will pay off. So take the long term perspective, buckle down, and stick to Plan B.<P>Good luck, <P>AGG


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