Well, I knew it was likely, but I'm still shaking. Just got a call from my attorney who informed me that my wife's attorney called him and said my wife intends to complete the uncontested divorce process per our separation agreement when our year is up on Aug 20. I can slow it down based on some financial issues, but other than that, it could all happen pretty quick.<P>Amazing. No willingness to even try to fix things. She has never shown an interest in trying to fix things - even before the affair. That's how I chose my MB name.<P>worthatry<P>WAT

can you contest the divorce?

Dave,<P>How can we help you? This is not over yet and I am sure you know that. It does always look the worst before it is over. <P>All the chin up and positive remarks that I want to send to you won't remove your pain. So I am sending my care and support from this end of the country. We all know how much you love and care for your entire family. Don't lose that piece of yourself in this mess. I have the utmost respect for you. <P>I still have hope, I will hold onto that for you and your family. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR>

Dave,<P>I'm not sure what to say, so I think I'll just second what Orchid said.<P>I don't have much time at the moment, but am thinking of you.<P>Keep on hanging in there,<P>Steve<BR>

worthatry:<P>I'm so SORRY....I feel for your pain. I know the feeling, my WH hasn't shown any willingness to try either. Do you feel you should slow it down with the financial issues? Or are the financial issues....issues to your benefit? I've heard of WS's backing out even if they file. I even read somewhere the other day...of some that are right in court and decide not to divorce. Who know's, I guess anything is possible....who would have thought we would be here now. I've even heard of couples that get divorced and later get back together. I just wish you better times, don't know what to say, I know it's extremely difficult and hurtful to go through.<P>My WH said he would file today...this remains to be seen. Yesterday was 1 year from the time WH moved out. We don't have a legal separation, I couldn't afford an attorney. H doesn't care, it's to his benefit. H doesn't have an attorney either, his attorney is suing him because he refused to pay him. I think the attorney will win that one...oops in a few days.<P>Are you letting it be an uncontested divorce? Is that specified in the separation agreement or can that be changed? I'm just asking in case I need to know. I know it can go to 2 years, if contested. I don't know how or under what circumstances it can be contested? Than again if OP wants the divorce? I've been thinking about either grounds of adultery or abandonment. I don't know if he files first if I can contest it on these grounds? Do you know any information you could relay? Like you want to even think about divorce right now....I know. <P>Wishes for your life to get better....take care.

Don’t contact her.<P>You knew this was a possible (even likely) response by her to your Plan B letter. Do everything you can to contest, slow, or stall the proceedings. <B>THAT</B> is how you’ll let her know you still love her and don’t want the divorce. When she comes back with the inevitable, hostile “I though your note meant you didn’t want to be married to me any more,” you can then re-inform her that the purpose of your Plan B separation was to <I>preserve</I> your love, not be apart from her forever.<P>Good luck, and thoughts to you... keep trying.<P>Edited because I thought about this again, and I may be full of it... I dunno; this is tough. But I still wanted to leave my original post. Call Steve, I s'pose...<P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die<p>[This message has been edited by WhoDat (edited July 19, 2001).]

WAT,<P>I'm sorry to hear the latest. Don't give up, you've invested too much time. You advised me to contest the D when the time comes, follow your own advice. You have nothing to lose at this point. I hope you hear something positive soon, you and your son deserve an honest effort from your W. My thoughts are with you both.<P>sad dad

Thanks all for the support.<P>I can contest it to the extent that she has not honored her financial responsibilities as agreed to in the separation agreement. But if she suddenly pays up, there's nothing I can do.<P>This is all due to my Plan B letter, I believe. Recall her initial response was 1) she agreed to talk to Steve, one more time only, for my benefit and 2) if she's not allowed in my house any more, please take her off the mortgage.<P>It appears she's changed her mind about talking to Steve and the contact with her lawyer was to push for the mortgage thing. The separation stipulates this, but she has to pay half of any expense. I have not honored this because she owes money for childcare, etc. which is more pressing.<P>We have a $5000 + school bill due at the end of this month which she will not be able to pay her half, I expect. She owes me lots in addition. I know all the rerasons to maintain hope, but she has not followed the script as far as waffling, etc. since last September. She is bullheaded and has never admitted the affair or put forth any effort to repair things.<P>It makes no sense. She obviously knows I believe we can reconcile, our son wants us to reconcile, her family wants it - the only two who don't are her and OM. Steve says that women don't divorce nice guys. What the heck is going on?<P>Dave (WAT)<P>

Also, WhoDat - I understand. I instructed my attorney not to return the call to her attorney. I intend to talk to Steve ASAP. In the meantime, I will start the mortgage proceedings so that I will not be in breach of contract, but she will be.<P>WAT

WAT - I just found all this out today as it was my first time on here and haven't really had a chance to read your story. I feel for you and I pray for you. You've got to trust in the Lord. If you and her get back together that would be wonderful, but if not, this will make you a better man and husband to someone else. I know it's easy for me to say but Trust in Him. My heart goes out to you and I do feel your pain. Hang in there! GDC

Hi Dave,<P>Sorry to hear about the filing, but one thing keeps going through my mind. "It Figures."<P>I do hope that she does see the light, but all you can do is what you can do. Pretty profound, right? <P>Sadly, it is true. The trouble with the D*** alien ships is that they don't respond to traffic control worth a darn. You request that they land, and they zoom off. You tell them to go away and they hover. Then they don't even speak the language very well. <P>You never know though, one day they may beam her down. I truely hope so.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Dave,<P>I'm very sorry to hear this news. You've already got some good thoughts from others.<P>I can only imagine at this point what the call of this news feels like, but try and keep your usual attitude that has helped so many of us on here. It is not over simply by her calling her attorney. You know the cases where they later withdraw, even after actually filing.<P>You are doing everything humanly possible to restore your marriage, and she knows and will continue to know how hard you are trying. Let's hope that she reacts favorably before it is too late. I'm sending my hope your way.<P>I can't remember if I told you, but friend/boss relayed some stuff to me that my wife said after getting my letter. 1) That I need a woman, and 2) That "I have to get this divorce done as soon as possible". It is only talk so far, but not totally unexpected after the Plan B letter.<P>They are still in the mindset that they don't want to have anything to do with their marriages. That can change, but we can't control it other than with our actions of the past year.<P>Remember that this is one of the known potential Plan B responses.<P>Hang in there. You know you have a world of supporters here.

After the initial reaction, I'm feeling a little better. I refuse to compromise Plan B (even though I misspelled it in the title to this post), although my initial reaction was blaming Plan B.<P>I refuse to react with vengence and I am determined to protect my son. But I keep coming back to, "Why?" This is so much harder to deal with than the death of my other son. I understood the reasons for that. I certainly didn't like the reasons, but I understood. With this, I can't comprehend the reasons.<P>But I will survive. I have Taz thinking about my claim that lawn mower blades turn in the oppositte direction in the southern hemisphere. She countered with the clock hands, and I said that's because she puts the batteries in backwards.<P>Anything for a distraction.<P>Dave

but (in the southern hemisphere)if you put the batteries in the toilet backwards will they flush the right way? <BR>OK, so I'm not feeling so well today....<BR>I have to say that I'm with whodat on this one. Maybe she is giving a little push to see what you've got. It could take her forever to pay you all that she owes. Hang tough and stop trying to confuse the nanny.....sheesh(she doesn't have blond hair does she?)

I truly don't know what to say, but I do want to offer you these:<P>(((((((( WAT ))))))))<P>Karen<BR>

Hi Dave,<P>Wish I knew what to say . I'm so sorry! Many hugs and prayers for you, as always, and for as long as you need them. We're here for you, but I think you already know that.

Dave,<P>Stick in there. Like the others said, this is not an unlikely response. She has lost control of the situation and feels that this might be a way to get it back. Don't blame Plan B. You really had no other choice. Just ask yourself, were you really going to let things go on forever like they were?

Dave, I am so sorry. I don't have many words of advice, as I will probably be facing the same situation sooner than later. Just know that we are all here for you.....<P>J.

{{{{{{[WAT}}}}}}}}<P><BR>There have been so many times we have been of the same opinion on things, I find that very unusual to find a guy of the same mindset. I feel like I know you somehow because of that, even though truth is that you are as anonymous to me as anyone.<P>I'm sorry I missed this earlier- I'm studying for a big test and I have just been popping in and out.<P>I am so sorry that she feels this way, but I know one thing for certain, it <I>is</I> her loss. I pray that you will find the woman who will trully appreciate having a loving and caring man like you and treat you with the respect you deserve someday.<P>Do not let this spoil you for the next one. My H was like that with his ex, and I spent the first 10 years of our relationship trying desperately to break down the walss that finally fell only after he had the A he said he could never do. I would recommend because of this that anyone who is moving on after a tragic relationship should get individual counseling to help them deal with the issues. Just a suggestion.<P>I pray she wakes up, for your sake, but really you deserve better. Keep us updated.<P>

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Worthatry]]]]]]]]]]]]]],<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you...not much else I can say.<P>Cali