I've posted several times previously about my pet peeve - hypocrisy. I characterize it as a subset of dishonesty.<P>My WS wife became a master hypocrite at the onset of her affair. Par for the course. I won't bore you with old examples.<P>But it's come back to get my attention with two recent statements by her. <P>In the first instance, she fussed at me for discussing "our problems" with a mutual friend. She said she didn't appreciate me doing this. "Hello?", I responded, "Maybe if YOU hadn't done this with <OM>, we wouldn't have as many problems."<P>Then this morning, I get an e-mail from her requesting another copy of an itemized expense report showing what she owes me for <son's> school expenses, etc. She wrote, "Just be fair and honest." Honest? She has never admitted her affair. And the continuous lies?, well, you know.<P>It's apparent to me that she doesn't even know what she's saying, i.e., the degree of her hypocrisy. I had Steve laughing outloud recently at some of her statements and actions.<P>Here's my question: Is the degree of hypocrisy proportional to the degree of alien brain scrambling? You know what I mean. Dishonesty, and thus, hypocrisy, are prerequisites for affairs, so does it follow that as long as the unbelievable hypocrisy continues that this simply is indicative of the WS mind being incapable of looking (or at least seeing) in a mirror? As the moose brain worms crawl out of the ears, does the degree of hypocrisy become apparent to the WS and start to subside?<P>I guess I really know the answer to this. It's just another way of characterizing the "fog" and rationalization necessary for justifying affairs.<P>WAT<P>"There's a thin line between Saturday night and Sunday morning." - Jimmy Buffett

I think you answered your own question, friend. But I'll tell you what scares me... The idea of permanent moose brain damage, or perhaps we should characterize it as fog actually entering the brain and getting trapped there...<P>Do you think it's possible for our W's to want to justify their actions so adamantly that they allow the fog to become a (permanent?) mindset?<P>If so, what would it take to fix that?<P>zen

Dave,<P>The lying, hypocrisy, and ridiculous statements are all attempts of your wife's mind to reconcile her behaviors and actions into some frame that makes sense. It's impossible to do, so you get all these bizarre statements out of them as a result of them trying to scramble the facts so that they can live with them.<P>My all-time favorite (and one of Steve's, for sure) was my wife's comment to me, after I had come back home (from Plan B, back to Plan A). She was pregnant with the OM's child, and she said...<P><I>It's your fault that I'm pregnant. If you hadn't left, I would have never slept with him again </I><P>Steve gave me an A+ for dealing with that one in a completely calm, non-lovebusting manner. If I were you, I'd enjoy listening to these ridiculous and incoherient statementzs---it may be gallows humor, but at least it's funny. <P>God bless.<BR>

K - I'm with you all the way. I DO find them funny now - and sad. Steve and I were in stiches the other day.<P>My wife once told me, "I had to move out - it was your decision NOT to leave."<P>I guess through my rambling post I was really looking for confirmation that the absurdity of the hypocrisy is indicative of the state of mind of the WS. Foggy is as foggy does.<P>Dave (WAT)

Dave, your wife is trying to justify her actions regarding the A she "isn't" having. And yes, the degree of hypocrisy is in direct proportion to the degree of alien brain scrambling . . . believe me, I know. I was the same way during my stay on the mother ship.<P>The lies and deceit don't stop until the fog lifts. Unfortunate, but true.

Dave,<P>When STBX read the papers, one of the many things he flipped over was the lawyer said he was cruel. He goes how have I been curel to you? I told him if nothing else how we left Singapore would have been enough. That was all the lawyer's doing all I wanted was adultry.<P>I think in my STBX's case the fog is peramant. don't think he will ever come out of it.

<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> The lying, hypocrisy, and ridiculous statements are all attempts of your wife's mind to reconcile her behaviors and actions into some frame that makes sense. It's impossible to do, so you get all these bizarre statements out of them as a result of them trying to scramble the facts so that they can live with them.<BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Yep; I am absolutely <B>amazed</B> at some of the things I did and said to try to justify my actions. Irrationality at its worst.<P>Again, I think you answered your own questions, Dave... you’ve got a good handle on things, but I understand sometimes we just need verification of something we already know. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Morning Dave et al!!<P>Let me throw out two more things for you from the WS standpoint...<P>First of all, something you already know, but I will point it out...the deeper the fog, the more absurd the hypocritical statments, objections, claims, and accusations. Imagine justifying the affair by exclaming that you pushed me to do it, or that now you are free to do the same thing so you can feel better? Blaming BS for WS being pregnant is an alltime low that I have heard...that one takes the cake. So, the deeper the fog, the worse it gets and the funnier it is later!!<P>Second, as far as the *honest* statements and accusations, there is usually an OM/OW behind the scenes feeding that egocentric statement. That OM/OW have most likely been there before and are using the schematic drawings showing which buttons to push in order to get the responses. They are usually getting the WS to *prove* themselves by doing the most lunatic things like taking children out in public together, coercing WS into taking them to *family functions*, and generally showing them off in the public eye for all to see, in an attempt to show how proud they are of the OW/OM. Its sad and sickening how easily we can be manipulated, controlled, and coerced. It's even sadder that we can then turn it around, blame and punish the BS, justify what we have done, and ask you for your honesty and forgiveness. I look at the things I did/said/felt, and I literally wanna puke myself inside out to get rid of the poison in my system. <P>Bottom line is that WS doesnt have a clue what they are saying or doing, and if they do, most likely they feel like a robot with a programmed response for the benefit of the OP, so they can go back and say, "See, arent you proud of me for showing how much I love you??" (Ever see that dumb puppy dog stare when they tilt their head to the side? It's the same one that the WS gives to OP for recognition and a doggy treat!)<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart