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Joined: Apr 2001
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STL,<P>Could RC and HF be one the same? Just popping through different engines?<P>Mitzi -<P>Please don't give up on "All of Us".<P>I know if RC and HF were here for help we would help them - they were the ones that started attacking in the middle of threads - then that stupid thread started today ... loves ..... Anyway, they've been here tearing the boards down, and going and bragging on gloryb.<P>What are their motives?

Joined: Dec 1999
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After Shock,<P>I haven't given up completely. I just think it would be wise to stay at D/D. I am divorced after all. I may still check in here once in a while. But I already have enough negative stuff in my life and don't need much more. <P>I just think the "Humblefish situation" could have been handled diffently, or at least ignored. <P>Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Joined: Jan 1999
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Oh, good freaking grief. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>I could say so much, but instead I'll just agree with this...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mthrrhbard:<BR><B>I will say that there is too much commiserating going on here.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Joined: Jul 2001
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I have been lurking here for almost two months now, reading, learning, crying and quietly empathizing. This is my second post, only because I don't feel confident enough to offer any advice. I just wanted to say that this place has saved my sanity and probably my life. I have gone from being alone and frightened to actually believing there is some hope. One of the first things I read here was a post about the cruel things WSs say while in fog. It was such a relief to know others had experienced what I had and survived. I don't know what it was like here two years ago, but I just wanted to say that *right now* it has been a great help and source of comfort and inspiration to me. Thanks, everyone.<P>

Joined: Jun 2001
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I have only been around for a few months and can say that the "regulars" saved my sanity. I lurked for a while, did my homework and then targeted my first post (with a relevant and specific title) to get the attention of knowledgeable people.<P>Most of the responses were true to MB principles. <P>I have seen lot's of posts and replies (and I think that is the point of this thread) from people who do not seem to understand (or be aware) of the MB principles. It is obvious when an MB comment is adjacent to a non-MB comment which one constitutes useful advice. <P>I am thinking of a specific case where the H was advised to "be a man" and not take cr*p from his W. A true MB poster followed that response with a good explanation of Plan A. Even though a bunch of newbies (my guess) cheered on the "be a man" reply, it was clearly obvious which was the more helpful approach. Several replies followed which supported Plan A. None of the Plan A posters attacked the "be a man" reply.<P>Comparing old MB to recent MB I think that good replies have just been diluted by lots of shoot from the hip types. <P>WE NEED MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE PEOPLE, NOT LESS.<P>I really have no idea how to deal with the flame wars that have appeared here recently. Every discussion forum known to man has to deal with them in some form. I mostly avoid those threads since I'm sleeping more and don't have as much time to waste - [*grin*, thanks all].<P>*slightly off thread*<P>It's nice to hear that some "ancient ones" (sorry, couldn't resist) are attracted to questions. I have several questions that I've been dying to ask but I'm worried that they'll fall right off the GQII forum without any replies. The pace here is incredible. <P>Please experienced/ancient ones don't desert us.<P>-Jeffers<BR>

Joined: Nov 1999
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I stand admonished *sigh*<P>I rarely lurk on this board anymore...I got an email in reference to this thread and checked it out...<P>I have tried many times to respond to folks here that are in the grips of the searing pain caused by infidelity...Much of it to no avail...My experience either gets ignored or just plain ignored...So I rarely reply...<P>When I see a thread titeld in way that gets my attention I read it...If I have nothing to interject then I don't...<P>I'm with JL, in that if I see a question, I see willingness to learn and change...I'm sorry but I can no longer comizerate(sp?)...I am now divorced but I know for a fact that the MB principles saved my sanity...I did all I could do and she still left...Life rolls on...<P>My life has become so full I struggle to keep up with all that goes on here...I am no longer in the self-centered help me mode...I do try to give back what was freely given to me when I can...But often times it drags me back into the pain I experienced when all this was fresh almost 2 years ago and for my own sanity I need not go there too often...<P>To the newcommer...KEEP COMMING BACK!! Ask questions, try these ideals...You ought to get results...<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR><P>May the roads rise to meet you,<BR>May the winds always be at your back,<BR>May the sun shine warm upon your face,<BR>The rains fall soft upon your fields,<BR>And until we meet again,<BR>May god hold you<BR>In the hollow of his hand.

Joined: Mar 1999
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Bill,<BR>Your comment about being "ignored" brings up an old recommendation that is, many times, overlooked. And, a hint to newcomers wanting more responses to their posts. When I was a newcomer here, I was always instructed to respond to EACH reply on my post. I was told that every replier to my post deserved to be acknowledged,,whether or not I agreed with the suggestion or advice. Even a simple,,"I already tried that",,or "That won't work because..." or,,"Thanks for the concern". A simple courtesy that shows the poster actually read the reply and considered the advice or suggestions. <P>

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NC,<P>I was refering to my replies being ignored...In fact the same poster on 3 different threads of theirs has ignored my comments...<P>It took me some time when I first started posting to get in the groove of things...

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Bill, I understand and although I perhaps didn't explain myself very well, that IS what I meant. <P>We all have busy lives and the vast majority of us here have very confused lives right now. To take the time to read a post, formulate what you consider a constructive, rational reply and to have that reply completely ignored is discouraging. I was not insinuating that YOU do this. I gathered from your post above that this is what's happening to your replies and maybe discouraging you from further replies.

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Morning All,<BR>I think sometimes hugs are the best way to respond to some people! It does not necesarily mean one agrees, but that may be all one has to offer. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>I have to agree that if the poster acknowledged the responses, it would make a difference in keeping some of the ancients around more! <BR>BTW, I like the terma ancients!!! <BR>aloha, cl

Joined: May 2001
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N, WilliamJ:<P>Many, many posts go unanswered. <shrug> The key is that they at least, hopefully, <I>read</I> it and gained something from it.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL

Joined: Jun 2000
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Well, I don't know if I qualify as an "old timer". I have been here a little over a year.<P>I do notice a difference in the boards. I think a lot of people get referred to the site or find it on a web search and fail to read the concepts before entering the forums. Before I ever posted, I read the SAA book and most of the articles and information Dr. Harley has posted here on the home page. I believe I came prepared. I have seen numerous people ask "what is a Plan A?" or have no idea what any of ther other MB terms are. In my ever so humble opinion, this leads to responses that are more reactionary that constructive. I have been guilty of being harsh with a couple of posters in the past.<BR>There are things we can do as members to keep the forum on track. We can ignore or report especially offensive threads and posters. Remember a poster by the name of BillyJoeWilson? He inundated the forums with copies of chats with his wife, refused to listen to anyone that did not sympathize with his cause and flamed people (like happyhusband) for their own beliefs. He eventually went away because, in the end, he was ignored. His posts were wiped out because the moderators were notified of his abuse of the forum.<BR>We can refuse to jump into the fray and keep our responses directly related to MB principles. I could have taken this advice myself with the whole "Father/OM" thing recently. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] I was completely drawn into that.<P>Anyway, excuse the ramble. My point is we can't control everybody but we can control how we react to them. If we take the high road more people will follow.<P>ok....I need to finish getting caffeinated now.

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