snl, <p>Could you please elaborate on the following reply to me from an earlier thread.

sd...I found out yesterday from my BIL that my W got the paperwork. She told her sister and was livid. <p>snl...Well if you weren't sure before, you are now she was having a full blown affair. If she wasn't she would have jumped on you with both feet, not expressed anger to others.<p>I'm not sure how you drew this conclusion. I plead ignorance when it comes to psychological issues and you are the resident expert. Thanks!<p>sad dad

jeez, don't call me an expert, JL will have my head (and rightly so), I do not claim any such expertise, I have just always had a keen interest in human behaviour (from childhood), and I think by virtue of all of us being "human" we can develop some reasonably good observational skills for routine behaviour....(truly mentally ill people, or those with severe personality disorders are another ballgame all-together). No one should take anything I say without looking very hard at whether they think any of it applies to them.<p>re your question my rationale is this. If someone is "accused" of something and they are innocent, they usually react strongly and reject the source of the error. While it is understandable your w may have vented to her sister, what is peculiar is she did not vent to you. You have essentially gone public with an accusation of an affair, that is a very bad thing to accuse someone of if not true, and usually people would go nuts, and demand you retract the allegation, and rake you over the coals for making it, even if done in error. I can think of no reason your wife would not have taken your head off if she were innocent. But since she is guilty, she knows she cannot refute your evidence with anything but lies, and the more she lies, the more vulnerable she makes herself....so instead she vents to those who can be her allies against you, and to who she does not have to answer or explain herself. If questioned why she did not say anything to you, her reply will be she was not going to stoop to your level of mud-slinging over an unhappy marriage, and will just have to suffer your lunacy for the sake of your d, blah blah blah. Anyways, that is my guess, but I could be wrong.

snl,<p>Makes sense to me. Sorry if I offended you by calling you an "expert". Thanks for the quick response. Don't you sleep? Who am I to talk!<p>sad dad

I don't sleep enough that's for sure, but off to lala land in a moment [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] The other mornng at 5am I was up cause I have a chest cold and can't sleep too good, so got up and did something "useful" like pontificating on MB. Tonight I just wanted to get something done on lexxys thread, and was just looking about, should have went to bed an hour ago though, oh well.<p>You didn't offend me with the expert comment, actually made a few deposits in the admiration bank [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ....... just want to keep the record straight is all. I do study this stuff, and read a lot about human behaviour, plus my career has given me a lot of opportunity to interact with a wide variety of folks.....and I come from a dysfunctional family, married into a dysfunctional family, lots of feild study [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But seriously, right or wrong, and maybe I am just full of you know what, but everyone is good at something, I have always just had a knack (maybe cause it interested me) in assessing people and behaviour fairly accurately. We (humans) aren't really all that complicated, the hardest thing is getting people to be honest with themselves and others.....that would put the kabosh to most manipulations and such, so I see my "job" as generally being nothing more than revealing the truth, and letting the chips fall where they will, an often thankless, and sometimes downright dangerous job, we all do LOVE our denial, and manipoulation!!!! I also think we get to messed up sometimes with out own stuff, all this talk of destruction, and such....fact is human beings are survivors and if you want to do well, you will...the world does not really revolve around (or even care for that matter) what happens to us, and I think we sometimes think our lives are more important than they really are....but then again, this analytical, pragmatic guy (Me) seriously considered that jumping off a bridge might be a good solution, a few months ago....The whole issue of how much emotion we vest in this stuff, and how it affects our well-being physically, and psychologically, fascinates me.