Wife found out about internet affair on 1/7/02 I was asked to leave the house and am planning to move out on 1/19/02 she has a restraining order against me and there has been no contact since she called me on Friday to tell me that she was going to meet a guy that she has dated in the past, I really want to talk to her however I am hesitant because of the anger that she has, I am still going through shame and guilty feelings of what I have done, is there ever a right time to try to work it? Is Saturday to soon? She found graphic emails of my encounter with this woman, and is devastated. I have other posts on this subject under wife found out about internet affair. Any advice would be appreciated. Also wife did try to call last night and I did not answer the phone and she did not leave a message, not quite sure what to think of that. Also will probobly see wife at choir rehearsal tonight, I play bass and she is in the choir, that is not going to be easy. You guys have been very helpful! God bless you all!

What does the restraining order say... probably that you cannot contact her or be within so many feet of her. If you are going to move out on Saturday, it is imparative that either she not be there or that you have police escort to get your belongings. Otherwise she can call and have you arrested. So do take cautions on this. You also may want to see an attorney to get some advice on your rights here.<p>Also, what did you do, besides the affair to get a restraining order against you? Have you been verbally or physically abusive of your wife in the past?<p>At this point the only thing I can see you are able to do is to write her a letter. It will have to be very carefully worded so that she cannot use it against you. Perhaps you could post here what you want to say to her, then we can all work together here helping you get to the final draft.<p>Part of the work you are going to have to do in this letter is to list the things you did to contribute to the current state of your marriage (besides your affair).<p>And... have you started reading the material on this web site? the books?

2 days until I am going to go get my things from my house, I was served with a restraining order yesterday, so I cannot even contact her, she has changed all utilities over to her name, and had my cell phone cut off, I would say that it is just about over, I still feel bad, and guilty, but at the same time I am free from the sin that destroyed the marriage, I have decided to get myself together and move on, it will be very hard to go to that house I am going to have to have a police escort as well. Writing here is very therapeutic for me and I know that there is some one out there that can relate to what I did and what I am going through because of the pain that I have caused my wife, I will still have to see her in church and she has already changed her hairstyle to a style that she knows that I like, it is going to be all right I know however the pain of what I did is going to haunt me for a long, long time. 2 days to go..........

You did good by finding this site and posting. You will find a lot of support here if you are willing to do what is required to at least try and save your M. Since you are a WS, you may feel like some of us may be using you as a punching bag, but know that we are not. I tried to find your other posts but couldn't. Could you fill us in on some more details?<p>but at the same time I am free from the sin that destroyed the marriage, I have decided to get myself together and move on I'm going to say something here and I hope you don't get offended because that is not my attention at all. But, you are not free of the sin that destroyed your M. I see this comment as a way of releasing yourself of all responsibility for what you did. Both the WS and BS have contributed to the state of the M that allowed an A to happen, but the responsibility for the A itself falls sqaurely on the shoulders of the WS. Whatever happens with your M, you need to educate yourself on MB principals so the next relationship you enter into (whether it be W or someone else) is a good, solid relationship built on meeting and fulfilling each others needs.<p>Your W seems to be moving very quickly with the utility bills, the RO and dating another man so soon (less than 2 weeks?). I guess I am a little confused about all of this. If you could give some insight as to why she may be doing this, it would be helpful.<p>Stay with MB, you will gain some valuable knowledge here.

Hi, <p>Just wanted to share a point. In my dealings with law enforcement, they tend not to sympathize with the H as much but you could mention that you have been participating in a MB site and reading up on how to save your M. This may give them reason to be nicer to you. It is sad that you have to put yourself out there but the officers see this stuff a lot. They do know that at times the W is the guilty party. <p>Don't let her lay the guilt on you. Just a brief statement to let them know that even here on MB some of us have had to deal with law enforcement personnel and for the most part they have been quite helpful to the BS vs WS. <p>Hope this helps. I am sorry you had this order set against you. <p>Take Care,
L.