Oops! I forgot to answer the 'is my H drinking' question. Nope. That is one thing I am ever so grateful for - that my H is NOT an alcoholic. He'll only do the typical odd night out (once a month at the absolute MOST) with his buddy guy friend for a few beers. But he's also usually the dd (designated driver).<p>I would almost rather he be an alcoholic. At least then he'd have some sort of excuse for his disgusting behaviours, huh? (please, don't anyone jump on me for that comment. my dad is an alcoholic, and I already know far too much about it. I wouldn't REALLY rather my H be one, but at least if he were, I would be able to understand his behavioural patterns better).<p>Honey: Hmmm... our H's thinking they're still teenagers. That just about sums it up, eh? That's what I feel like to my H most of the time. His mum!!! I HATE that. And he doesn't like being treated like a kid either.<p>I hope I made him think tonight (between my posts) when I asked him how he would react if one of our sons did what he did last night. He agreed that he would be angry, as well as worried. Then I asked how he would handle it. <p>H: "I would ground them".
me: How so?
H: "For every hour late, they would have one night they couldn't go out".
me: Is that what I have to do with you? Would that work?
H: "That would only work on a kid! And I'm not a kid.... 'mom' (said VERY sarcastically)"
me: Then what would work with you? <p>I'm still waiting for an answer. I have gotten another promise that he will at least call me if he's going to be out later. We'll see....<p>Karen

Hi Topie:<p>Acting like a little boy...yes...but more like a teenager...or just a man seeking relief from the anxiety of his life...from your expectations and your need for him. There is a sense of desperation in your post...and it seems to me that that desperation is weighing on your WS...and he is seeking relief in one safe way that a man can usually find relief...in the emotionally vacant interaction of male bonding...in which nothing is required of him except to be there and have a good time.<p>I know it is asking a lot of you to be patient...to have faith that change takes place slowly...but that it takes place if we persist in our resolve to make things better...to make things change. You have to ignore and overlook so much...until the time is right.<p>Change your focus...learn to grow stronger by yourself...work on yourself...and no matter how your marriage works out...you'll be better and stronger for it.<p>What would I do...what he least expects...nothing...kill him with kindness...make him understand that I exist without him...but that I enjoy his company and hope that he can learn to enjoy mine again...when he wants to be with me because of the person I have become.<p>To take a line from AA "It works if you work it".<p>Faye<p>Faye

Hi Topie, just checkin' in on ya... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I believe you will hold Andrew in heaven one day. God didn't take your baby. "The thief comes but for to kill, steal, and destroy..." try not to blame God. I'm sorry that it happened. Some things we will never know why. Were your twins full term? That is an awesome blessing. Mine came 3 months early--THREE MONTHS?!?! and have a lot of developmental problems. I don't know why? I really can't answer all those questions so I don't even try. I'm just glad they are alive and not dead like the doctors told us they would be. I cannot imagine losing a child, I can't. But still, I believe God is waiting for you and holding Andrew for you, too. HUGS to you!

BTDT: Thanks for asking about the twins. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] They are fraternal twins. Although they were born one month early (at 34 weeks - remember, twins are 'full term' at 38 weeks), Alex was still 5lbs and Jonathan was a whopping 6lbs 5oz. I'll soon be posting a web address for MBers to see pics of me, my H, and all of our boys (just need to scan a few more pics and add them to our yahoo photo site).... so you can have a look see for yourself how great they are! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Buffy: Thanks for your reply. I know that what I need to do is to NOT do anything when my H is pulling his crap. But it's been going on for our entire relationship... and I just don't have any patience left, I'm afraid. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] As far as the working on me more goes... I have been trying that. I believe I've already mentioned the things earlier on in this thread (the quitting smoking, getting my teeth fixed, etc). I've been trying to convince myself more and more that it's really NOT my H who is making me unhappy, but there are things within ME that need to be worked on. But I think the fact that I don't feel my H is there to support me, makes it seem like a more difficult realm to achieve.<p>Karen