Any ideas? - Marriage Builders® Forums

Am I the only one here with this happening? My W had several one-niters with this guy back in Jan and Feb. I found out. We seperatated. Since then she has had one BF for about 3 months, it broke off -don't know why. Now she has been dating and we do get along. Could it be the original infidelity was a real exit affair. I am wondering if there is any hope or if this is just part of the moving on process. We are getting divorce, and this to, has gone smoothly. Are there any shared expierences out there. Where the heck are we headed? It seems sucky that we get along so damn well, yet no move to reconcile. Is she sowing her oats or what? If she's waiting for me to do something, it's gonna be a long one. I have done enough, not that I don't want to, but I don't want to manipulate this situation anymore. It always backfires. Eric32

Hi Eric -Don't feel alone in this kind of situation....I'm here too!!My H has been playing around for almost three years now and moved out June 4th.He filed for divorce and we're in the process.We talk and see each other all the time.That changes if I bring up anything about our marriage or relationship. He will stay away for awhile because he doesn't want to face any issues. Complete avoidance!!!!!His stance is that he doesn't want to be married and wants to lead a single life with absolutely no responsibilities. Then in the next breath he says that in 10,20 or 30 years I am the one he wants to be with and grow old with.....I believe that there are a lot of factors that go into his current mindset like the people he hangs with, his upbringing and his job (he's a cop).One minute he's Mr. Social Butterfly and the next he's calling me saying how his life sucks and he's burnt out and depressed....... It is my opinion that he is basically:MESSED UP!!!!!!!I love my husband - always have and probably always will......I have been doing Plan A since this all began even though I only found MB in May. I have been reading relationship books and learning about communication and infidelity symptoms,etc.I have no clue where all this is headed. That's the worst part....isn't it? I do know that I want to stay married and since divorce is not something I believe in I will probably consider myself married for a very long time afterwards.I have no answers, since I can't even get him to talk about the "questions" about why all of this happened. If she is willing to counsel or even talk about the "why" of the whole mess, then I would advise you to do all you can to discuss things with her.....You have to start at being friends (completely) again and friends don't hold back from each other.....friends want to talk, listen, help and have fun with each other.....Whatever is needed to do that....I think you should do. Forget remembering the past or dwelling on the future.Be a friend in the present...A friend like you were before you got married!!Good Luck to you both.Hugs,Sheba