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Posted By: HVLP What a night. - 01/25/04 05:40 PM
I am sorry for everyone's insecurities, if I could change the past I would.

If you want me to help build your house, I will. If you want me to help fix your car, I will. If you want me to do anything I am cappable of, I will. I need nothing in return, you owe me nothing.

What I cant give, is me anymore.

I had a go around with my sister, she said I didn't even make an atempt to talk with her H, my BIL, on christmas. He didn't make no atempt to talk with me either.

He is my sister's H, I have gone the mile to connect with him, but I dont know what he think's and why he think's this, I CANNOT GUESS anymore.

I started to reconnect with my bestfriend, we have not said a word to each other in 6 YEAR's, I told him I missed him, asked him if he missed me, he said yes.
I told him I do need's something's clarified. He said he know's. He said we will talk, but not now, we will do it in a secure setting, he said let's just enjoy the night.
I told him if he thought I ever did anything innapropriate with his wife, I didn't. He looked at me, and laughed, he told me he never thought that and said that I was not cappable of that.

I am sorry if I make people feel insecure, I dont wake up eveyday, and wonder about who I can make feel insecure that day, I dont.

What I know in the world doesn't exist, I am sorry for what ever has happened to people in their live's, I would change that if I could.
Posted By: star*fish Re: What a night. - 01/26/04 06:45 AM
I am sorry for everyone's insecurities, if I could change the past I would.

If you want me to help build your house, I will. If you want me to help fix your car, I will. If you want me to do anything I am cappable of, I will. I need nothing in return, you owe me nothing.


Who do you need to say this to??? Who is it addressed to?

What I cant give, is me anymore.

ditto

I had a go around with my sister, she said I didn't even make an atempt to talk with her H, my BIL, on christmas. He didn't make no atempt to talk with me either.

Okay....this is a new subject right? The fragmented way you write leaves me guessing about how I can help you.

He is my sister's H, I have gone the mile to connect with him, but I dont know what he think's and why he think's this, I CANNOT GUESS anymore.

I started to reconnect with my bestfriend, we have not said a word to each other in 6 YEAR's, I told him I missed him, asked him if he missed me, he said yes.
I told him I do need's something's clarified. He said he know's. He said we will talk, but not now, we will do it in a secure setting, he said let's just enjoy the night.
I told him if he thought I ever did anything innapropriate with his wife, I didn't. He looked at me, and laughed, he told me he never thought that and said that I was not cappable of that.


There seems to be confusion and mystery in every part of your life dred.....who DO you get along with? Or understand? And if it's no one....does that mean you might need to do some self examination?

I am sorry if I make people feel insecure, I dont wake up eveyday, and wonder about who I can make feel insecure that day, I dont.

Seems like you're the one who's feeling insecure right now.

What I know in the world doesn't exist, I am sorry for what ever has happened to people in their live's, I would change that if I could.

Why focus on all the things you have ABSOLUTELY no hope of changing. It sounds as though you are feeling misunderstood by everyone around you....but if you speak this cryptically in real life chere....it has got to be hard for people to truly understand you. It seems as though you keep looking externally for what you need....when in reality....you can't find what you need there. Peace in internal.

[ January 25, 2004, 02:52 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]
Posted By: SheWill Re: What a night. - 01/25/04 07:25 PM
that was an extremely confusing post.
Posted By: HVLP Re: What a night. - 01/26/04 01:50 PM
There is just to many thing's that now require an answer, what I did get was the abuse for my answer.

Well that wich happened 30 year's ago, has injected itself into the people I knew that wasn't even there 30 year's ago.

I found I could not turn to anybody, all I got was a riddle. People I have known for year's, my W's girfriend was a close friend, known her for 12 year's, nothing innapropriate ever went on. When I went to her to have someone to talk to, I got a game played to me. WHY?? NO answer's come.

I have had people tell me about A's I suppossedly had, I had people tell me I was gay, I have had people tell me they know me when they do not.
I have had long time friend's tell me to get a divorce, WHY?? No answer's.

I have the only answer I am going to get, abuse. I finnaly talked with my bestfriend that I had not talked to in 6 year's, and it was a set up event by my family and my old nieghbor's. I told him I do need something clarified, but I missed him. He could not look at me, and with dreaded look on his face he said he know's and we will talk, but not now, not here.

I feel like I am supposed to just give in, and to what? The abuse.

The move is getting closer, the snail's pace is a nightmare, I need room to breath, the triger's must go away, I need to clear my mind somehow. And the only thing I have learned is to not trust anyone.

The confussion continue's, all I get is blank statement's, no clarity, I am supposed to just get over it, and if it is the thing's I have thought about, is there away to get over it?
Posted By: HVLP Re: What a night. - 01/26/04 02:11 PM
I have done self reflecting, I dont know what I am looking for, I am not finding anything.

About the onlything that is consitantly said to me is I get to worked up, well, when you live in constant stress, that has a tendency to happen.
Posted By: HVLP Re: What a night. - 01/29/04 05:58 PM
I will put this hear, because it is from this night.

I danced with a woman that I have known my whole life, nieghbor's, growing up as kid's. And as I talked with my W about this night, I made a comment about this woman danced alittle bit to close for comfort and I didn't know what she had on her mind, but it made me feel a little bit disgusted. My W's comment, "oh, so you just want to be friend's with her", my comment back, "she has alway's been my friend, I have known her my whole life" end of convo.

Now I suppose something is going to change that friendship also.
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