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Posted By: HVLP Judgment's, giving and taking, agenda's. - 01/29/04 02:45 PM
I have for the most part learned that people that fear other people passing judgment on them, are first to pass judgment. But for the most part that judgment is wrong, and will stall honest comunication.

I have done alot of thing's for other people in my life, and I have been honest with my intention's of why I do them, I do like to lend a hand if I can, but the real deal is I like to learn, and work with thing's, the more I learn the better I am.

But the problem come's when someone has already passed a judgment and say this guy cant be real, nobody does thing's just to do them, (sorry, their loss, because I do).

I have never thought anyone was taking anything from me when I do something for someone else, I was the benifactor, I was taking knowledge.
There are so manything's to learn and you will never learn enough.

When you give something to someone, and you are not taking something back inreturn, (good feeling's are a return), dont do it.
That is what will keep someone else's agenda from running you over.

But when you get married, you are now bringing whole families into play, interaction is going to happen. As that interaction continue's, hidden agenda's start to unvail, and there is no such thing as a "GOOD" hidden agenda. Now someone is just trying to pickup the piece's and their giver is starting to revolt, because their not even getting a good feeling out of it. Their just trying to make the next corner and stay standing.

I truely feel sorry for people that need to keep hidden and run a hidden agenda to survive in life, they are going to miss out on the good part's of life.

I am not really sure your point, but I would like to respond to some specific things. I am one of those people who hates being judged, and yes I have found myself judging others, but am very aware that this is in an effort to make myself feel less insecure or more worthy.

Because I have become aware of this, I now make an effort to tell myself that if I act like a respectful human being, like a lady with morals and values, then I don't have to look at anyone else for validation, especially by putting them down to pull me up.

As far as doing stuff for others, etc.. I too have been down that road. I once volunteered many hours towards recreation for teens. The reasoon I did this was because we had increased incidents of vandalism, and I kept telling anyone who would listen that it was because the teens had nothing to do. After a while of no action being taken, I took it upon myself to make a plea to the Board and for two years held very successful events at the club house (never my own home). Although I never received any negative responses/problems from this, I was always questioned why I was volunteering my time especially since my kids were not teens yet, to which I told them what I just told you.

When you commented about helping others, you answered your own question in that you feel your payoff is the knowledge you obtain from helping others. Unfortunately, if people can't compartmentalize your explanation sufficiently to satisfy their curiosity, they will keep looking for an answer, even if they have to make one up themselves.

Is this what you were getting at?
Posted By: HVLP Re: Judgment's, giving and taking, agenda's. - 01/29/04 05:23 PM

I think in a much simpler thought patern then I think people think I do.

I dont think I have ever thought about judging or judgement up until the last 2 year's. (other then judicial judgement, sociatle law). You do something wrong, you pay the price. What ever that may be. I am a very simple person that way.

But my personal judgment of myself has gotten skewed. Somehow right and wrong got reversed on me, what started out to be right, some how went wrong.
So I am reversing those, bringing back what was right, and eliminating that which was wrong, going back to who I was, not that which I became.

There is a comment that stick's out that a couple of people have made that I did some work for, they asked me how did I know how to do all this stuff I do? I dont know how to answer that, other then I have been doing thing's for so long that I just do.

I grew up in a family that did thing's, I did thing's, kept doing thing's, and now I dont think I remember half the thing I have done, but I have knowledge, so when I do look at something, it seem's simple.

What I like to use for an example on how I think is my car analogy, when I drive a car, I can, in my mind, visualize every component of that vehical in operation at that moment.

So I think were a problem come's is, (like my W has told me), I make thing's look simple, and I think other people think "I think" they should be able to do the same, I dont, but for me thing's are simple, I have a whole life of learning how to do thing's. And I want to do more and more "Thing's".

So people probably feel like I am running them over, but I am not, I like to do thing's, I enjoy learning and expanding my knowledge.
I have never in my life asked for a raise, I have set guidline's on how much money I need to make, I do have a family.

People try and turn sex into an issue, is it? I am not "A" sexual, and I am not gay, so yes it is an issue, but not one I will end my life over.
And I am holding my ground on looking outside my marriage on that issue. The day I got married my W sent me a clear signal about our sex life. so I have learned to live with thing's that way, and if my W need's something, I had better start hearing it.

I still want to do the thing's I alway's wanted to do, the thing's I learned to do, and quite frankly got good at doing, but age and physical limit's are within reach, I am not liking it.

If I haven't confused you enough yet, in short, you are correct, I think.
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