My husband has no feeling for me anymore other than he wants me to be o.k. He says his conscience says that because our relationship started w/ an infidelity then he can't be w/ me as well as the ow. He has a new counselor now and realizes that he has a lot of marriage issues what w/ his dad (who died a year ago) leaving his mom and being a betrayer also. But, this a.m. I called him about some mail I needed from him and he answered the phone as if he was expecting a good morning phone call from someone. Now, my question to you is that other than stopping my emotional outbursts ( and there have been way too many) which only back him a a corner and make him talk ugly to me, should I also stop questioning him every time I suspect he is still carrying this on w/ the other woman who is married w/ two children and has a history of this behavior w/ two other men (that I know of in the same company as my h)? In other words, is being his "conscience" counterproductive? I am getting the feeling that it is and I should just accept it and let him suffer the consequences of his own behavior. I love him but the rejection has been methodical in coming about and totally the opposite of how he used to be that I feel I am just setting myself up for more which is very frustrating and brings about the lashing out. I have been told on this forum that for me to file (w/ a paralegal, not a lawyer...we have no children together, just a home) would be jumping the gun. In the face of the his bluntly telling me he doesn't care anymore and he doesn't know why (of course it's not HER fault, he says it's him) I just feel like giving up. What do you think? You've been there?

oh, sweetie....i can hear the pain in your words. Before i could even start to give you advice, i'd need to know more. How long married? How long has this been going on? How long have you known about it? I will check back....hang on.

jily<BR>My husband and I have been together for 7 years. He started these business trip w/ ow about the first of the year. I was there when she was having other relationships which caused calls to her husband. We talked about what women do to seduce men and they don't always act as sluts. I told him he would have to be careful or he would be next. Well I knew when he was next. He told me I read him like a book. Apparently he thinks he is different than the other men. I just don't know. I guess he thinks he is special. Of course, I do. I alway thought you had better treat your man right or someone will take them away from you but my theory was wrong. No matter how you treat your man someone will take them away from you and she is a pro. I just don't know whether to give it up or not. He has all the feelings he had for me for her now and I am sure, as he is just like me, that he cannot give it up!!! I am going to walk uptown now just to clear my head. I am in a beautiful apartment close to town and that is a plus. I am working on me, but I still crave him.

Hi ceverson,<P>You have the right idea. Work on yourself and do stuff for yourself. Your husband is in the grips of his affair and not a whole lot you do will have an effect on him.<P>Yes, you should probably slack off on playing his concience. You are pretty right on when you acknowledge that it is counterproductive. Also, try to contain the emotional outbursts (at least until he is not around). You have every right to be angry and sad and emotional. But angry outbursts, demands, threats, etc. are love-busting actions and will only serve to drive him closer to the OW. Your goal has to be that whenever he makes a comparison in his mind of you and the OW, that you come out favorably. That won't happen if he sees you as a complaining, over-emotional, nagging woman.<P>--andy