he's reading my journal - Marriage Builders® Forums

First of all, I'm the betrayer, although I have also been betrayed (12 yrs. ago). I've always kept journals. I've been very honest with my husband about the OM and everything that led up to it (went on for 3 months, ended two months ago). We are in counseling, we're doing everything "right" as far as I can tell... trying to put our marriage back together (except, if you've read my other post, I still work with the OM for now - praying and working toward a change there). Trust is obviously an issue for him, so he's been reading my journals. I've been hiding my recent journal because I feel that I have personal thoughts (that may not have ANYTHING TO DO with the OM) that are...well... PERSONAL. I'm all for being brutally honest, and I understand the need for it in repairing the marriage, but does he need to know that I have a mole I'm worried about, or that my mother is driving me nuts?? Am I way out there on this??

Brutally honest is a must. If you had an affair, he must feel like you are not hiding ANYTHING from him.

Brutal honesty is the key. He is looking for information to disprove what he thinks you are doing. I know this sounds crazy. I did it to my W. I would look for anything where she doodled or wrote in her journal. I picked the lock to find out what she was feeling about whomever to include myself. She wouldn't share with me so I found a way to find out her true feelings about EVERYTHING regardless of how insignificant she thinks it is.------------------ God Bless, Rob [This message has been edited by professorg (edited August 11, 1999).]

new_beginning -- First, my apologies for the delay in answering. I have been on vacation and am still tryin to catch up.To deal with your post itself . . . I have to agree with professorg. I found out about my W's affair (physical) by reading what I think was meant to be a journal. I was actually looking for something else, when I stumbled across it, and I just had to look. Part of me wishes I hadn't, and part of me is glad I did.Your H needs to KNOW everything, and that includes what you think. You comment that somethings in your journal are private, is exactly my point. Until the time comes when your H feels comfortable enough to fully trust you again, NOTHING you think is private. He not only has a right to know what you think, but he deserves to know. Eventually, if you continue to give him no reason to question you, he will stop this practice, but until that time comes, you will have to deal with these invasions of privacy.Sorry

New_beginning, I understand that you feel sorta frustrated about your H reading your journal, but it's just gonna take a while for his trust in you to come back, and the more you do to earn his trust, the faster he will regain it. I know that we all worry about things that we may not necessarily tell our spouses about--things like suspicious moles and mothers driving us nuts; but, don't you think your H can tell when something is on your mind? And, without knowing what you're worried about, his logical assumption may be that you're seeing the OM again. See? That's why you're gonna have to forego your privacy for a while. There needs to be NOTHING secret between you and your H, so that he can regain his trust in you.