DENIAL? HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH IT? - Marriage Builders® Forums

My husband totally denies a relationship with the OW, regardless of how obvious it looks that indeed there was one.How can I deal with that? There are so many things I can't talk to him about or question him about because, according to him, the questions and concerns are totally unfounded.Is my only option to let it go??HOW????

Be patient...Love him...he will come to you when he is ready.Grace is the gift so often given to us from God and the gift so often denied to ourselves and our loved ones.------------------ Hanging on by a Thread

Letting something go that makes you uneasy is just about impossible.However, the larger question is your goals. If your continued questioning is not getting you where you want to be, then maybe you should examine other options.I would guess what you really want is to feel safe in the relationship and loved.I would suspect you H wants to feel respected, cared for and accepted in the relationship.If you H is feeling defensive and you are feeling threatened, that is the oppiset of what you want. You are probibly feeding into each other's negativity and it is causing a downward spiral.If you put your fears (which may or may not be legitimate) on hold and focus on your relationship by communicating more effectively, having fun and growing in intimacy, you may find your fears subside and your H might be less defensive.You both win. If that happens, you may not find the past is such a big issue or you may be able to deal with whatever happened because your relationship will be in a better place to deal with it.All the best!------------------ Faith, Hope, Love Remain, but the greatest of these is Love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

My H denied his affair for 8 months, confessed, said it was over...it either wasn't over or it resumed and he still denied until someone actually told me something that proved he was lying--and by that time he was so blatantly dating this OW that many people saw them together.If you can't prove he is unfaithful, one thing you can do for yourself is "worst case scenario". What would you do if he was unfaithful. I did this the last couple months of his 8 month denial, I knew I would want to try to save the marriage. That became my goal, my actions were to not do anything that did not lead to my goal (turned into Plan A when I learned about MB) When he did confess (I still don't know why he did), I was ready and moved directly into "saving the marriage". We've gone up and down on the roller coaster so many times that I no longer know if mine was the right approach, but I know it helped me deal with the uncertainty. I KNEW & decided what I would do if he was being unfaithful.------------------ Lor "Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)

Constant denials --two words -- PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.My wife denies this to the day. She'll probably even deny it when confronted with physical evidence.The only comfort I can offer is they are all alike in their denials and cheating. Fairly predictable if you hang here often.Paul