What is gained by stalling the divorce? - Marriage Builders® Forums

I need some help in understanding what help it would be to stall the divorce that W wants. She says we can still be friends and she admires my many qualities and traits. If the divorce does happen without my fighting it, wouldn't it be easier for me to win her back after it was over? If I fight it will I be alienating her from me? She knows big time that I do not want the divorce. She betrayed me and I feel guilty for not meeting her needs. I'm the one suffering and she seems to be doing ok. I really don't want to suffer financially as well. Your thoughts, please!------------------ Working to Resolve and Rebuild.

She needs the time to see that you have changed if you have. Also it looks like she is moving really too fast and may not be thinking clearly. She needs that time to see what she had and can have again with improvments. My w's lawyer said he had a proposal a month ago but I haven'y seen it. On Thurs. my gave some indication that reality has set in and she is thinking somewhat clearer. So time is an ally.

If you are sure its inevitable. Nothing. She wanted to wait while seeing the OM and file after the new year. Why wait? She kept treating me bad and was threatening to have me arrested, wanted to move the kids and was eyeing the bank accounts. The filing stopped that and brought a dose of reality with it. It is a Love buster. But it also puts a time line and real issues that need to addressed. It does work as a wake up call to them. My feeling is: if she really wants the D its' going to happen anyway. If not, this will bring her around. Otherwise, you can keep getting jerked around.

I am not familiar with your story, but it sounds like we are in a similar situation. My H filed in June. Steve Harley told me to stall. I asked him why. He said that it is a dose of reality (I am also in Plan B) for the betrayer, it gives time for the "affair" to run its course, for the two in the affair to make mistakes so they may snap out of fantasy land, etc. In my case, I know the OW is hounding my H for the divorce to be final. It makes the OW look real, makes her be the one putting the pressure on instead of her being so "wonderful". Steve Harley also told me, "what does it hurt to stall it 30-60 days?" I agreed with him. I have been in this situation so long, what is another month or so? My H affair was exposed in April. Stats show that once an affair is exposed to the light of day it usually only lasts 6 months or not much longer. Hang in there. You will make the right decision. You have come to the right place.

Here's just one of many reasons -Frustrate the Other Person!!!!!Best one of all!

I appreciate your replies. Well, I now have a therapist. My first session was tonight. It was hard to expose my thoughts and feelings like that to a perfect stranger, kind of like my first anal exam. (Sorry) My therapist tells me there is a lot of anger inside. Because I could not express my anger I withdrew from my W. I think she is giving me some of my own medicine. Withdrawing by way of divorce. I sent her a dozen roses today. I can picture her throwing them in the trash. Maybe I should just leave it alone for awhile and let her simmer. ------------------ Working to Resolve and Rebuild.

To stop the rampant spending, I filed for divorce in December. My husband had spent over 200,000 in 6 months, and the other woman has spent her entire divorce settlement (she left her husband for mine) which was 300,000 in 10 months. Both have been diagnosed as bipolar and that means they have little or no realization of the consequences of their actions (plus the other woman is really into Y2K...and just ask people in the mental health profession how many psychiatric patients are obsessed with that)...my husband has cashed in an IRA without reporting it to the government ( 18,000 of taxes due on that baby when it is exposed)...I have stalled the divorce, but now I want to go ahead with it...it will be a lovebuster, but my husband has no reason to deal with reality, and doesn't plan on it. I know I will be held to blame for his financial downfall...I need some control in my life and to take care of my kids who my husband has emotionally abandoned..in fact he is downright mean to the oldest. Do I want a divorce? no...will I keep stalling, yes...in fact, my husband has done most of the stalling. I am putting myself in the driver's seat now. He has ruined the relationship and refused to take his meds...a bipolar on the loose is an ugly thing...there are affairs, spending sprees, anger, manipulation, racing thoughts, and an almost god like thinking of oneself...It hurts me to move ahead, but there will be little left if I don't...this isn't about money, but it is about sanity...and I need control of my life now...the other woman does not have the man I was married to...she has the underdeveloped clone...gee, I wish I had some DNA to clone back the old husband...now there's a good use for cloning.