I found out that my wife is "in love" with one of her college students and now our marriage is on the brink. She says that they haven't had sex, that all she has done is kiss him, but to me that is an affair. She has told me that she wants to seek counseling and I am willing to go. Should I believe her?

Dale,<BR> Yes, without a doubt, you should go to counseling. And without a doubt, you should believe her!!! <BR> You are lucky, Dale, that your wife is still able to see the disaster that is heading your way. She is crying out for help and if you want to save your marriage, you will run, not walk, to that counselor. <BR> And you are right about the affair. It doesn't take a sexual act to constitute an affair. Apparently she is already emotional tied to this guy to have confessed to having kissed him. <BR> Hopefully you will soon get a reply from our welcome wagon spokesperson, NSR. He has a wonderful way of telling you all about this site and what it can offer you. But please know you have found the right place and there is hope to save your marriage and have a better relationship than you ever dreamed possible, if that is your goal. <BR> It's a holiday weekend and everyone is super busy, so don't feel unwelcome or get discouraged if you don't receive alot of replies. Hang in there, continue posting with your questions and concerns. You'll find this place is a godsend.

Welcome <B>Dale16</B> to the Marriage Builders - Infidelity Forum.<P>The people here represent both betrayed spouses and betrayers(waywards) alike and the occasional Other Woman/Man/Person (OP/OW/OM).<BR><B>All</B> of us are really here to try and build or rebuild our marriages... and we are trying to use principles and concepts that are espoused by Dr. Willard Harley of Marriage Builders(MB).<P>There is a wealth of information here at this site, starting from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>Marriage Builder's Home Page</A>.<P>If you're new to the ideas being presented here at MB start off with <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html" TARGET=_blank>Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts</A><P>Many of us need to start immediately working on our marriages and a <B>sound</B> understanding of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A> is crucial!<P>You'll see a barrage of "terms" which you might guess the meaning of... but an alternative is to look up what they mean at this site... Words like (click on them to find out):<BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3200_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Bank</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_give.html" TARGET=_blank>Giver and Taker</A>, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>.<P>You'll need to learn more about, not just marriage building... but self building too! The learning isn't going to happen overnight though... look at the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8100_article.html" TARGET=_blank>Articles</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html" TARGET=_blank>Infidelity Q&A</A>.<BR>The real learning is best aided by obtaining some of the books from the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6000_bookstore.html" TARGET=_blank>MB Bookstore</A>... of most important for those who have affairs in progress, or soon to be, is <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley. <B>This is the 'bible' for this forum.</B><BR>Other books can be very useful as well... like <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>"His Needs, Her Needs"</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>"Love Busters"</A>.<BR>There will be many other good books that the MB people will recommend... take their advice... they've been around.<P>Most of all... you will find <B>compassion</B> and <B>love</B> here. No judging... no demeaning... no malice here!<BR>The people here have all had their lives thrown into a whirlwind of despair, confusion, and sadness.<BR>We've all experience gut wrenching emotions that we though could never exist, in anyone's idea of humanity.<BR>Feelings of hatred, love, disillusionment, envy, rejection, emptiness, <B>deep depression</B>, and on and on...<P>Just the books and facts aren't going to get you through it all... not without <B>support</B>. That's where <B>we</B> come in! <B>We</B> care... because <B>we</B> know how it feels. Believe it... <B>You are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <BR>Come to this forum to vent... to cry... to laugh (a little)... to express your feelings... to advise others... or just to get away!<BR>You're probably going through H*!! right now... don't go it alone... remember... <B>you are <I>not</I> alone</B>! <P>There is never any guarantee to save all marriages... life doesn't work that way, unfortunately.<BR>We can, and do guarantee, to give you help... to build back many vital aspects of your life and sanity. <P>Post... Post... Post... Reply... Reply... Reply... READ! READ! READ!<P>I've been speaking in behalf of some dear friends... as well as some complete strangers too..., when I've used <B>"we"</B>!<BR>But... if you're here... join in with them... they <B>will</B> join in with you. <B>We</B> do not always agree with each other on how to handle situations... but each of us is offering to you advice base on individual experiences. Search out those people on the forum that have experiences similar to yours... and ask... ask... ask! <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

Hi Dale....welcome to MB. You have come to the right place. There are many caring & supportive people here that can help you.<P>Unfortunately, your W is involved in an EA (emotional affair). But, she is catching herself before she gets too caught up in it. I don't believe that she is "in love" with OW. She is mistaking lust for love. This is common in affairs.<P>It's great that she suggested going to a marriage counselor. In addition, her admission and honesty are good signs too. She wants your marriage to work and wants you.<P>Run to that counselor, get those books, and come here for support. Suggest this forum to your W too.<P>Do Plan A with your W (no lovebusters). Find out what emotional needs are lacking in your marriage. Do this with no lovebusting. It will take time, patience and understanding, but you can do it! Prayers are with you.

Dale,<P>counseling will help, and I have to take my hat off to you for wanting to put in the effort. I fell in love with another man, and was able to take a step back and see that I obviously had some problems in my marriage. Talked with H, he said nothing was wrong, that it was my problem. I've started counseling, he won't go. At this point I'm doing everything for me, which is okay, I'm hoping it will help our marriage, but at the same time, his lack of support hurts. Your wife is lucky to have you! Be patient with her, as hard as it may be. She is involved in an EA and it's easier said than done to break away. No contact with OM, your support, and counseling will do the trick, it just takes time. The fact that she told you, and that you're willing to try & help speaks volumes about your relationship.<BR>Happy Holidays!