Things are going pretty well here, but tomorrow my H is going out of town until Friday night. Logically if I think about it, I am ok with everything. However every time he leaves for an out of town trip, I lose it. I deep down believe that he is faithful now, but the pain and fear that comes with the out of town trips takes control of my mind and I become a love bustin fool. He loves me and I don't want to make life miserable. He is usually very understanding of my feelings, but my reactions when he leaves are getting old (for both of us). He only met with OW on out of town trips for work. We have been working on the recovery and things have been getting better. There has been some talk about some training which would include up to six days apart. I am a stay at home mom and I am afraid of these trips. I really don't know if anyone has any advice to help me deal with my emotions. I have also learned from a dear friend that I can't control him, he will do what he wants and my behavior may influence his decisions, but I can't try to control him. So I need help figuring out how to solve my problem without making him feel bad because he does have to travel some for his job. <p>[This message has been edited by Monique (edited January 11, 2000).]

If your H is willing to cooperate, ask if he'll call you every night, just to chat. <P>DO NOT call him to check up on him. He may be out to dinner, he may go to a movie...whatever.<P>As I said to sadforever, your anxiety is not changing what he will do; and it is not giving you control.<P>I know it's hard, I've been there. I'm still there. I'm just starting to get over it.<P>The best way to deal with it? Do things you CAN'T do when he's home. Have a pajama party with your kids. Rent a bunch of videos, order in pizza, make popcorn, set out sleeping bags on the floor and camp out. <P>Invite a girlfriend over for "chick flicks" and dinner. Hire a sitter and GO OUT with a friend. Clean that room you've been wanting to clean but you've been too busy picking H's socks off the floor.<P>Use this time to be nice to YOU. That WILL help.

Drink heavily.<P>OK...now you know I'm kidding <P>You've identified the cycle...you know you have to break it. Remember there is a difference between feeling like a lovebusing fool and behaving like one.<P>Duct tape might help....use it on you or BBD...your choice <P>OK...I've had quite the day...tell you later, nothing to worry about.<P>Really, I'm not making light of my friend's quest for answers. Just lightening the mood a bit.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Dazed and Confused- I don't think I am up to him going to a movie. Not really either one of our styles. Strange I know. I do have a plan to clean up the downstairs. Thanks for the suggestions. <P>FHL- I needed that! Thanks You made me laugh, a lot. I do need to lighten up. Thanks<BR>Email me when you get a chance.

Monique<BR>could you sit down and make a list of all the things your H has done to make you feel safe? Write it down, read it, keep it on hand for bad moments.<BR>If we really think about the good things and list them, they really add up.<BR>Trust may be a long time coming. But feeling safe is a little easier. I don't know if I will ever be able to say I trust H completely. But I do feel safe with him. And I feel safe with myself now too.

wasstubborn,<BR> I think that is a good idea. The thing that really gets to me is when he was on his trip (right before he came home and told me about the affair)he sent me sweet emails telling me how he would always be faithful and how much I ment to him. A few hours later he was rolling around on her bed with her, but they never took off ANY clothes and there was no actual sex. He came home the next day which was actually two days early. But it still really bothers me, how will I ever really know what is going on. He called me all of the time and was usually very sweet. Ok the love bustin fool is about to show herself so I need to get ride of her before H gets home. Thanks for letting me vent! Monique <BR>

I'd give that H of yours a chance. He sure loves the heck out of you. Don't worry about him being overly-friendly with other women. Don't worry, he loves you and his happy with you.<P>Oh and if I must say so, he's one handsome son-of-a-gun.<P>- BBD<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Big Big Dummy (edited January 11, 2000).]

You're just afraid of the duct tape <P>Hey, I think you just broke the cycle with a bit of humor <P>That works! Have a good trip!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13