Dear DMac, you don't sound preachy at all, and we're grateful for the insight that you let us share.<P>I'm not quite sure where we're at at the moment, but I think that we're progressing rather rapidly (maybe too fast, I don't know). However, we've always had a strong bond between us (not just talking about the kids here
) 'cept we lost sight of it in the midst of all our problems. But now we've regained the perspective and our love and devotion to each other.<P>I have forgiven my wife for the affair (now that it's over) and are trying really hard to get past the hurt feelings, that are already subsiding. The reason that this has been relatively easy, is that I do actually partly blame myself for not being there for my wife when she needed me most, and thereby paving the road for the affair. My wife is also working on forgiving herself for this, and I think is making tremendous progress.<P>We have both agreed to not dwell on the past, but work on the present and the future, and in a twisted kind of way regard this affair as a hard lesson for us to rediscover our true feelings for each other and rebuild our marriage, not as it were before but better and more passionate.<P>We are well underway there, we've discovered our great love and need for each other. In fact I think that we're over the major hurdles and have regained intimacy (and some of the best sex, we've ever had
)<P>And you're not crazy, we're having a passionate honeymoon right now, and I think with all the communication channels open, and Dr. Harley's excellent advice for a good marriage in the back of our head, we're on the highway to a much improved marriage, and soon we can both look back on this incident and see that though it was a mistake, it was what opened our eyes to what we mean to each other.<P>As for blame, there is little to gain from affixing blame to any of us, we share the blame, the shame, the guilt and the responsibility of not letting these feeling get in our way of a happy marriage.<P>Now we're just tired, since we have been talking and romatizising into the wee hours only to catch a couple of hours sleep until the kids wake up and a new joyous day begins.<P>Just so happy right now and so much in love with my wife
<P>PS. All our best to you and Suse you're in our thoughts, and thanks for the thoughtful posts.<p>[This message has been edited by SadMan (edited January 18, 2000).]