I am hiring a PI to find out if OW is living with H and to see if he has a summer house by the beach. If OW is living with H, I don't approve of the living situation when our son is with him. We never lived together before we were married, so I don't want my son subjected to it. Regarding the summer house, that is strictly for financial reasons. Just in case he starts complaining again that he has no money, I will have this handy little tidbit.<P>Also, would anyone have any ideas on how I could go about bringing this affair out in the open without him knowing I'm behind it? He keeps denying affair to everyone and has alienated all of his friends and family.<P>Any input would be greatly appreciated. <BR>

As I stated in my last response to you, if your state is a no-fault you can't do much about anything. I know that is frustrating and in divorce, it gets worse before it gets better. My ex moved in with a real nut and even with my having the school and his parents to back me the courts really didn't care. They won't get involved until she hurts one of the children. Sad but true. It's sad that he is so selfish with his own needs that he isn't thinking about his son and moving the other woman in his direction so fast. You know, you fire on him about it and the ow will only smile knowing it upsets you. It's much easier said then done, but TRY, TRY, TRY to seperate yourself from your husband's visitation.<P>As far as telling everyone about his affair. Don't stoop to his level. What difference does it make now? The marriage is over and to just keep tossing eggs at each other only prolongs the pain. I know, I went through years of it and it's not a way to deal with your anger and hurt. Just love your children more then you hate your soon to be ex!

Jackie, this is a summary to your two posts:<P>You need to decide what your ultimate goal is before you choose a course of action. <P>Do you want a divorce and want to make him miserable? Or do you want to do the best that you can to save your marriage?<P>If you want to save your marriage, you should have an honest discussion about how you feel about the kids being around the OW and her family. Use the Policy of Joint Agreement and try to negotiate this without lovebusters. If he's filing for a divorce, he may at least have the patience to wait before exposing the kids anymore. If he will not agree, you can always refuse to let the kids go with him (if there's no separation agreement in place), or to let them go, but being sure that he knows how much you disapprove.<P>What does hiring a PI gain you here? What if you do know that your husband has a summer house rented? How does that change anything? Are you thinking divorce settlements/child support?<P>It appears that you're trying to punish him, and that's not what you should be doing, from a point of saving your marriage. It's not even what you should be doing, from a "divorcing the bum" standpoint. I agree with Bonnie---focus your energies on your children.