I've posted on MB before, but unfortunately is was on the divorce board. <P>A quick background: <BR> I've been married for 7 months and separated for 2. My husband fell into a depression at some point after we married and hasn't been able to get out of it. He started on antidepressants but refuses to get therapy because he knows what they will say. He has told me he didn't love me, but the next day he did love me. He has convinced himself that he can't be married, although we get along great and didn't really have any huge issues to deal with. He is looking out for me by telling me that this is the best. It is better for me to be unhappy now than for the next 20 years. I was happy before, but only unhappy once faced with the thought of losing him. He had also told me that if we stayed together, he would never leave me, but life with him would be miserable. We now live 1500 miles apart and he says it is over.<P>My H is playing the martyr by sacrificing our marriage for what he believes is the best for me. I have read a lot on depression and am convinced all of his behaviors are linked to this. <P>We were prepared for a difficult first year, as we were under a lot of different kinds of pressure. But, we used to be sure that separating wasn't one of them. <P>How do people deal with a marriage that ends so fast, especially when it ending isn't wanted by one of them? Any advice?

The gentle reply: do your best to talk your H into counseling. If he won't go with you, go alone. (with a nod to Ann Landers!)<P>The harsher reply: you asked how to deal with the end of a marriage "especially when it ending isn't wanted by one of them?" I am unfortunately pretty knowledgeable about depression, and, especially if your H is taking medication, it sounds to me like he does want a divorce, and is hiding behind the depression as an excuse. Since he says it's over, you have only two options: accept that, file for divorce, and start anew, or wait and see if he changes his mind. I wish you well whichever you choose.