my wife and I haven't been married too long, just a few months. Things have not been good, and we've had alot of problems before the wedding that I thought would 'go away or get better' after we got married. But they have gotten worse, when we fight she says she hates me and can't stand her life and wants a divorce. I write it off and say 'go get one if you want one' but she never does anything. Are we doomed? should I just crack one day and say I want one too? it kills me to hear her say these words, it kills me to think she wants a divorce, She uses harsh words and talks alot of crap I think just to get me to cave in and say I want to end things, like it has to be on me. Why is this, if she really wanted to end things would she? or is this all just a game

Hi BobO,

That must be so difficult for you right now. And so early in marriage.

What is it that your wife hates so much?? How long did you know each other before marriage?

Bob, just try to meet her needs right now. Have you read the article by Harley on meeting emotional needs. Possibly, could you both read the articles together?? Is marriage counseling possible?? Have you asked her about that. You are certainly in a dilema, and I feel sad for you. I am newly married too, well 2 years. I was a single and a single parent for many years before marrying, so it was a huge adjustment. Many problems have arised that I never thought of could happen, sickness, financial problems (on his part). (I just wanna live happily ever after!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . We've had a lot of growing to do w/ each other. And to be honest there have been times I have thought to myself, "Why did I do this?", but I love him and it's not easy sometimes to give all my attention to him, which he craves, and having 2 children too!! I have had to learn much balance.

Bob, I don't know what is bothering your wife so much. Maybe you need to get to the root cause of her hatred/anger. Maybe it's not you at all. Just love her, even if you don't seem to get much in return right now. Shower her with love and see what happens. I used to be the kind of woman that wasn't used to love, and when love came I would push it away, for some odd reason. I don't do that now, well maybe sometimes, when I'm in a bad mood!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sent with Love, Ladysheep

Hi BobO,

I'm srorry that you are feeling so sad right now.
I think that it is important to do our best to make our partners happy by communicating and understanding them. Whatever the issues were before they really should have been dealt with. When you sweep problems under the rug...thats exactly where they will stay and no..it wont get better. You will trip on it again and again.

Try talking to your wife and making some compromises about the problems. If the issues merit professional counseling then get that. Your wife may be feeling frustrated from the lack of something that is missing from your marriage.

She did marry you...so apparently she does love you. She just may niot be happy that the situation or problem hasnt changed. Once it does with your help and support I bet she will feel better about your relationship.

BobO,
The problems you had before the marriage will not go away. They need to be brought to light and dealt with. First thing is to get divorce off the table. It is not an option! If you and your wife can talk constructively, then get started. Use "His needs - Her needs" to get discussions going. If you can't talk constructively at this point, get counseling. Together if possible, if not, you go to get the ball rolling. Start with your church. If they don't counsel, they can refer you to someone who does. Do you pray together? If not, time to start. God designed marriage and He can help make what it what it should be. Get going brother.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are we doomed? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you both keep up your LBing, yes, you are doomed. Please read the Basic Concepts out here, especially the part on "Love Busters". Until you can stop hurting each other, this situation will continue to deteriorate.