Please pray for me. I have begun the process of looking for a place to live. I am not a prima donna and can see past things, and I know that I will make my place a "home". It makes me angry to know that my STBX will be living in "our" house, our pretty new, big house! My mind goes crazy with anger, jealousy and the like. I still love my H. He had the affair and went against everthing he stands for, why do I feel like such a failure. I have always had a good job, took care of the house, and as he says, took great care of him. I hate myself for depending on him, building my future with him and feeling secure with him. I am in constant prayer, I pray for my H and for a miracle to happen (I want our marriage to be reconciled). We have been together for 13ys., married for 6 and I am currently 32. I can't believe that this man I loved so much and thought would be there forever (with me) will no longer be in my life. I can forgive him, why can't he find that love for me again?? <BR>I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words, in addition to my reading, therapy, church, etc. this web site is very helpful and comforting!!

You are NOT a failure. You cannot, nor should you be able to control your H's actions. Generally an affair revels more about the flaws of the wayward spouse than the betrayed one!<P>Praying for you--<P>Kathi

Don't be angry, otherwise you'll lose focus of the whole show. Show him love all throughout, its even good for you, and pray, pray even when you're happy. <P>Try as much as possible not to think about STBX, it'll not bring you any good. There's reason for all things happening in this world, so please don't brand yourself a failure, for you're not. I'll keep you in my prayers