I turned 41 on the 20th. My step son was in town on leave from the Army the same week. My wife planned a big party for him, catered, DJ, etc. Just shy of a wedding reception, I helped and paid for the entire party.
I thought maybe the day after, which was my birthday, we would have a cake, a party or something. I waited ....nothing. My wife gave me a card, kids gave me a card.
Then i thought, well...He was leaving Friday. Maybe my wife has planned a getaway for the weekend. ( I have in the past for her as a surprise) I painted our bedroom instead, and worked on our home for the weekend.
Its now Tuesday, no party, no gift, no sex....nothing.
My 40th, was much the same.
No party,a painting she wanted for the house was the gift.
I feel very left out, I go out of the way for everyone. I don't want to complain to her about this, but I'm having a tough time with it.
RI,
If it were me I think I would feel the same way and I think you should calmly talk to her about it and let her know how you feel and how you would feel if it were acknowledged with a little more importance because it is important to you. I really hope that made sense. My family always made a big deal out of birthdays when I was growing up and they still do, where as my H family never really did, after my H realized how important it was to me and my family he made it a point to acknowledge this day more then usual. I really would try expressing your feelings on this one <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
KB
I wrote her a note instead. She said she understood and felt bad. She gets upset when I confront her in person, the note seemed to work well.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I'm glad to hear that she has acknowledged your feelings on this. I hope she does something special for you to make up for it.
KB
She gave YOU a painting SHE wanted? hmmmmmm Are y'all in MC or anything. She seems to have problems,mainly putting herself first.
I agree that it sure seems self-centered and selfish of her... please forgive me though, while I say that we each must be responsible for being H&O (Honest and Open) with our spouses. I'm glad to hear you wrote her a note. That was very considerate of you to consider what method she could deal with best.
If she said she felt bad, did she give any indication of wanting to make amends? Is this the first time you've shared these feelings with her, or have you told her before, like after your 40th b-day?
There are articles on this site that discuss how detrimental it is to the M if we "give" too much. It builds resentment. We are to be H&O, and bring our "Good Taker" to the negotiating table to make thoughtful requests. (The alternatives (extremes) are for the "Bad Taker" to make selfish demands, or for the "Bad Giver" to give what they don't want to give, and build resentment.)
Jayne and Jewel, I just wanted to cover this in case you didn't notice. The orginal post was in Sept. 2006. I'm not sure RhodeIslander is still around.
Doh!
:MrEEk:
How'd I miss that? Thanks for the heads up GG!
And allow me to T/J since the OP prolly won't mind... GG I just wanted to express appreciation for everything you contribute here. No special reason, just wanted to let you know.